I was at ACS ringing up a couple of ladies when one of them says to me:
First lady: She's lost 40 pounds! [points at her friend]
S L: Heeey! [does booty dance then stops suddenly and looks at me sadly] I can't seem to get rid of my breasts and butt though!
Me: Well, I'm sure your husband doesn't mind! ::wink::
S L: Pffft! I'm gonna get them reduced and he can either love me without them or leave me! I already have someone lined up in case he leaves me!
Both ladies laugh and so do I because what is there to say to infidelity?
S L: I like your boobs though, they're perfect! What size are they?
Me: ::stutter stutter:: what? Huh? Size Purple? [yeah, that's right. I always say size PURPLE]
S L: Yeah, there up high, perfectly round and look really good on you. You have some perfect breasts! [looks at me in appreciation]
Me: huhn huh ::blushes:: Thanks but I can't take credit for their alignment since the bra I'm wearing is doing all the work. If I take it off they'd be fighting for position down by my belly button.
S L: [laughs] What kind of bra do you have on?
S L: I don't like their bras. The ones I buy are great but they're a hundred dollars.
Me: Oh? What kind are they? [happy to have steered the conversation away from my breasticles]
S L: Intimates and I love this one I'm wearing now [LIFTS HER BLOUSE TO REVEAL HER BRA] I love the way it fits [SLIDES HER HAND UP AND DOWN HER BOOB!!!] [DID I MENTION IT WAS ALL LACE????] I would never buy another kind.
Me: [face contorted in shock]
My manager J walks to the registers and looks at me as if to ask "why is this woman flashing you?" and I telepathically tell her I'm scared and she responds with "do you need me to help you? maybe get you some water?" and then she walks away. I'm assuming to get me water.
Me: Yes well very nice. [and I know somewhere Andy's head is exploding because he's missing a woman flashing her boobs at his wife]
We talk a little more and as they're leaving, she says to me "nice getting to know you!".
J: I was like 'why is this woman exposing her chest?' and then I had to walk away before I bust a gut laughing at the expression on your face!
Me: Thanks for helping me there.
J: I was figuring you were enjoying the view.
Me: I tried to look away but there was nowhere to look that didn't have a boob view. . . She said I had perfect breasts. [I say sheepishly] so I guess it's all good.