Saturday, April 10, 2010

Mannequin vs Bee. Can you tell the difference?

I want to show you guys something.

This is a mannequin (or 2):


This is a Bee:

Kinder Graduation (I know, awwww!)

One is made out of uh plasticy stuff and filled with sawdust. The other is made of out fleshy stuff and stuffed with bacon. One doesn't mind if you lift up its skirt (perv!) but the other one? The other one kinda likes keeping her goody bits hidden and/or untouched by groping strangers.

Now that we've made the distinction between Mannequin and Bee, and I'm hoping you figured out which one doesn't want to be touched, here's a peak into another one of my bizarre work days at ACS.

Woman: Did you buy these here? [touches my cute black capris with ruched drawstring at the leg area] [SHE TOUCHES ME!!]

Me [trying to step away so that her grubby hand releases me]: Yes.

Woman: Where are they? [goes to reach for me again WTF!]

Me [must resist the urge to slap her hand!]: They are in this section over here but we only have one size left.

Woman: Oh no! That's not my size! [still staring at me, walks around to get a better view of my... ass???] Those look great and the fabric isn't flimsy! [goes to touch me again]

Me [wondering if I can build a moat around myself]: Ma'am, I must ask you to stop touching me. I know I look like one but I am not a mannequin. [big smile because I don't want her to notice I have broken a hanger WITH MY BARE HANDS]  creepysmile

Woman [seems offended but that's probably because she didn't get to touch my booty]: I just wanted to feel the texture again!

Me [nodding because I've heard that excuse for people wanting to touch me before]: I understand but you can feel the texture from this pair that is sitting on this hanger. Without a person inside of it. I promise they feel the same [big smile because we want her to think the customer is always right and even though love I it when strangers feel me up, maybe we should get some coffee first] Would you like me to call another store to see if they have more sizes?

Woman [touches the person-less capris all the while looking at me longingly]: What size are the ones you're wearing?

Me [squint at her suspiciously]: Size Purple.

Woman: That's the size I need! [gets closer to me]

Me: Before you ask me if you can try them on, [big smile] we also carry them in gray. Would you like to try those on? If they fit, we'll call another store for you.[big smile]


Woman: No, I'll just look online. [walks dejectedly out of the store]

Me: Alrighty then, buh-bye.

I don't know, you guys. I feel a little cheated. Like she got to feel the goods but then skipped out on payment by not buying anything from me. And also? Who does that? Who goes around touching sales staff as if they were part of the store's fixtures? I mean, if she would have been a HE and HE would have been Ryan Reynolds' abs I would have been all "Why of course you can squeeze me!" but we need to set some boundaries for people I don't find attractive to keep their mitts off my petunias!

ryan's abs ::drool::


  1. OK, this makes me rage.

    You do NOT enter The Sacred Personal Bubble.

    That's not cool man.
    Not cool.

  2. You need to change your perfume. To eau de skunk, for example.

  3. Oh ew. She has the hots for you, Sweetie.

    Oh ew.

  4. what if that was really me in disguise? would you still be offended?

    I don't even like to touch myself wearing cute clothes

  5. She needs the hula-hoop lessons... it's a strategy used with children who need to learn about personal space... they walk around with hula-hoops for while so they can physically see how big around personal space is. Have her give me a call, I can enroll her in a class! :-)

    OOORR maybe she just doesn't care... in that case you did good by asking her to Step Off! ;-)

  6. Ooooo. She was soooo hitting on you Bee. [wink] I think you handled that very well.

  7. ahhh- it's good to dive back in with this post. i missed ya, bee. i gotta say. i'm simply proud that you did not roundhouse that cuck-a-loo with that customer-is-always-right smile intact! wth?

  8. Ew yeah I hate it when people touch me too. Ugh. But Ryan Reynolds can do it anytime, swear.

  9. Give her a punch in the face next time.

  10. I have a coworker who caresses my arm everything she asks me a question which creeps me out because (a) I don't like being touched, (b) we are both female and straight and (c) she is the same age as the pyramids.

  11. I would have FREAKED out if someone was all touching my fabric! Yikes!

  12. OMG, that is very, very creepy. You handled yourself so much better than I could have. I so do not like to be touched by people I don't know very well. ICK.


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