When you are on the treadmill and you have your earbuds in your ear so you can have audio to the visual of the Kardashians being buttheads, just because you can't hear anything, doesn't mean people cannot hear you. So keep that burp IN!
When you join Office Depot's membership rewards program at one of their stores, they will literally send you a welcome email 2 minutes after you've left the store.
Your husband, having read your 'jeans that accentuate your butt' post, will try to get out of an argument by saying 'those pants (or TROUSERS in britishspeak) make your butt look great!' and you will go along with it and end the argument even though you know what he's doing because in 11-12 years you have received exactly 5 compliments from him (and one of those compliments was 'this sandwich is delicious!' as if he's surprised) so you take what you can get.
You will do just about anything for $8 an hour. Including getting on your hands and knees (get your minds out of the gutter! I'm not finished)(that's what she said!) but you do draw the line at scuffing your shoes:
Margara: We're spring cleaning today and your job is to scrub the base boards throughout the store.
Me: Okay but I'm gonna do it barefoot.
Margara: Uh, no. You can't be barefoot in the store.
Me: Well, these shoes I'm wearing cost more than I make here in 2 weeks so either I take them off or I scuff them and have the store reimburse me. 
Margara: Go ahead and take them off.
Me: [nod in approval at her asst. manager skills]
When at the gyny, enduring the much hated PROBING, having the doctor say:
Yep! There's your vagina!
Makes an awkward situation even more awkward because you wonder if going to an alley for a gyny exam was such a great idea.
I'm sure there's more I learned but when there's beer involved, I'm lucky if I remember my name.
I always walk around my office without shoes on. I once has my boss ask me what I was doing. I told her the only shoes I had were flip flops and those are against the HR dress code.
ReplyDeleteShe has never questioned me again.
You need to get some heavy duty boots for wearing in the shop, and a biohazard suit just in case you have to touch any customers.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff. I think complimenting a woman's sandwich making skills is about as good as it gets. You have a keeper.
ReplyDeletewait just a friggin minute here..
ReplyDeletethere are no boobs in this post, I know for sure cuz I read it twice
No, jean knee but I did mention my vagina. Don't I get extra points for that?
ReplyDeleteyou totally get 'extra points' for mentioning your vagina on the internet! AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA
ReplyDeleteokay, I forgot about that
ReplyDeleteI remember that sandwich line. You're a brave woman with a nice ass.
ReplyDeleteBack alley examinations? Classy!
ReplyDeleteWe don't share the same gyny do we? uggh..somehow that sounds gross doesn't it? Anyway, I love the shoes and I wouldn't scuff them either.
ReplyDelete