I have a serious blog but I need to post this here so people can learn from my mistakes.

This is in no way meant to be a funny post. I am sad and upset so I need to rant and purge so that I may move on with my life. I hate dwelling on shit I cannot change and this has been consuming so much of my life recently that it needs to be taught who is boss and kicked out of my head.

Please don't think I'm asking for pity since I don't like anyone feeling sorry for us. Life is, it happens and you just have to deal with it.

I just want to enlighten people so they won't get royally screwed like we did. Okay, we didn't get ROYALLY screwed because it could have been worse but we did get dumped on.

As you guys know, we suffered the consequence of IKE all the way up in the Midwest. Our town was one of the ones flooded and even the news people said "do not come here if you don't need to". The footage on TV was a guy standing knee deep in water at the corner near our house.

We woke up to that mess and even though we were feeling the impotency of the whole situation, what kept us sane was knowing we had insurance. And we thought a good insurance provider. American Family Insurance is not some rinky two bit operation.

When we bought the home owners insurance and found out we needed a mandatory flood policy, we were also asked if we wanted to purchase additional benefits in case of a flood. That way we could replace our damaged items. Being the newbie home owners, we said hells ya'! If something happens we want to be covered to our teeth.

Here is where the newbie part comes in. Are you ready? The policy says that if the flood insurance covers you, they YOUR HOME OWNERS are then void.

Uh-huh.

So… our homeowners denied us ANY HELP but our flood insurance might give us money for repairs and their estimates are, of course, lower than expected. They are only allowing for the repairs and rebuilding because any items we may have lost (clothes, shoes, comforters, furniture, electronics, kitchen cabinets, tub) are not covered under the flood insurance. Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE A HOME OWNERS POLICY.

You see how that works? I have to be honest and say I didn't see that coming. Maybe I'm more naïve than I thought. Here I thought I was wise to the world of fucktards but nope. They keep surprising me by shiving me when I'm not looking.

Okay. So we called here and there trying to get them to reconsider. The flood insurance guy (who was very nice and I'm sure just doing his job) suggested I apply for FEMA relief since my county had been declared a disaster area.

Yay! Some hope?

Well, you know what happens when you stand outside and wish upon a star? Some bird decides your face makes a good landing pad for his shit.

We received a denial from FEMA on Thursday because we do not have enough damage to our home and they state our flood and homeowners should be enough.

This is not enough damage. This is just mild, a fresh coat of paint will do ya', damage:



LOOK MA'! NO WALLS!




Sorry about the quality but I took them with Scarlett.
Everything down there is trashed. We threw out bags and bags of her things.

We had 3 different people come and inspect the place. They all took pictures.

I know our damage was nowhere near as bad as others. I know we're blessed to have a roof over our head and some money (maybe because we still have not seen any of it) for rebuilding. It could have been worse. I know.That is the only thing keeping me sane NOW. We had some
cold days here where we were freezing because one of the things we could not replace was our furnace. I'm lucky to be married to such a great electrician who has many other hobbies. Like carpentary, dry-walling and now furnace repair. We now have heat which is lucky since it's 30 degrees right now.

This situation has been stressing Andy, my mom and I. We have been jumpy and snarky with each other the past few weeks which is unfair to take it out on one another but who else is there? Oh yeah, the fuckers at the insurance companies.

We will be switching insurance carriers so if anybody has had a good experience with theirs, please let me know.

Moral of this story:

Check your insurance policy to find out exactly what you're covered for. If you notice anything unusual or something you can't understand, call your agent and don't be afraid to ask about what's troubling you.
We learned our lesson the hard way and I feel bad for our next agent because he will have to deal with a burnt-out witch but I have to look out for me and mine so other people's feelings are just going to have to suck it.

Oh and they can also fuck off.

***side story**

I can't help myself so please be a witness to one of Andy's and mine argument.

Andy:
BEE!! I can't log-in to Outlook Express to access my hotmail.

Bee [from the other room]:
So? Go online and get it from there!

Andy:
I CAN'T!! I DON'T REMEMBER MY PASSWORD! I TRIED TO RESET IT BUT IT'S NOW ASKING ME QUESTIONS I DON'T KNOW!

he comes to hover over me like I have the answer to all his problems

Bee:
What?? I don't know your password!

Andy:
FIX IT!

Bee [tired of his attitude and tone]:
That is not my problem. I can access my account so I really don't give a shit.

Andy:
You are such a jerk! [stomps off]

Bee [calmly eating a pomegranate]
Yep. I'm an asshole and a bitch too.

I continue to hear him grumbling. So I decided to see if I can crack his code. These were the questions that stumped him

City you live in
Pet's name.

Yeah, a couple of humdingers!

I was able to reset his password so I calmly went over to his room and gave him the great news. I walked him thru opening a new tab and typing hotmail on the address bar. He then typed in his e-mail address and waited for me to give him the new password:

IAMAFUCKINGIDIOT

THAT did not go over well.

He then threatened to change my password to "IAMANASSHOLE" but I'm not worried.

Nina Simone - Feeling Good.

If you cut my leg off, the rings inside will show you my real age. ... But don't cut it please.

Some people do not understand how fragile my self esteem is.
Sure, I know I'm always giving the "I'm a badass!" vibe but deep down, I hurt just like the rest of you.

Imagine how upset I was when I logged into my NaBloPoMo account only to find they were either living in the future or I am in fact a year older than I thought.

Yes, I am a female.

No.

I AM 35! I am not 36 yet!

I checked my birth certificate and it says November 11, 1972. (I'm getting old so I can't always trust my memory)

I did make sure I had the right year in my profile. Yup One Nine Seven Two. I don't know what cockamamie system they're using but they are ahead ONE whole year! Maybe they can tell me if I'll be in jail sometime next year.

Men, so that you can understand how we women feel when we're told we look older, it's like being kicked in the crotch. Ouchy.

Humor-Blogs

Well, who wants to grow up to be Uranus??

Do you see my rosy cheeks? Can you hear my girlish giggles?

I, ladies and gents, have ARRIVED! You know you've hit the big time when you get insulted by ---wait for it--- FRANCE!

Yeah! And I was called "chaildeesh" that is how I'm pretending they said it. Of course, it might just be an American in France but for the purposes of this post, we will say it is a French person.

Demeda, took exception to my tighty whitey post and called me, little ole' Bee from Chicago, CHAILDEESH! Um hello? I don't think that's really news to anybody, right?

Hey Demeda, if you, your spouse, your dog, your cat, your hamster are into tight, constricting, bulge defining underwear, more power to you.

Don't let a silly post like mine make you feel self-conscious and/or STOOPIT.

I hope I didn't insult him/her/it! Please come back Demeda. Please??



♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠

Convo between me and Andy while on our way to my brother's house for dinner.


Bee:
Hey, did you see my post from last night? Specifically the picture of the hot chick in the plumber getup?


Andy:
Uh, no. I was too busy defending the world from evil creatures. [or something like that]


Bee:
Well check it out when we get home. The chick had plumbers crack but I googled a picture of Uranus and I covered her butt crack.


Andy:
What? Like the PLANET URANUS??


Bee:
... ... ::blink:: No, YOUR ANUS! Yes the planet Uranus!! Do think I sit around waiting for the perfect picture opportunity to take a picture of YOUR ANUS??? More importantly, would I find your anus on google??


Andy:
I don't know what you do once I fall asleep!


Dear God did I laugh for about a half hour! Incidentally, my mom was in the car too. She must think we're a couple of weirdos.

Okay! Now I'm off to find the cure for all that ails us. Later mis amigos!

P.S.

To Brian, the system Demeda used was Linux. Just wanted you to be aware of the type of people you run with.

P.P.S.

No offense to Suzy whose mother is French. I'm sure she's very nice.

Humor-Blogs