The value of having friends who need to make a quick getaway from the law. Kidding! maybe

If you have ever read my "about me" on this here blogus, you know I've claimed to have some fish. I say *some* because, like my beauty and figure, they've come and gone.

Every single one of our fishes/fish/fishi have passed on to the great big lake, ocean or skillet in the sky. The last one to leave us was Millhouse the Cromis. He was a brave little guy who was with us for 7 years. Andy and I at one time thought he was the one responsible for the murders of Krusty the Clown Fish the First and Second, Marge Simpson , Monty Burns the Arrow Head Crab, Smithers the Shrimp, Moe Sizlack the ugliest fish alive, Homer the Crab, Maggie the Starfish and Chili Palmer the Beta Fish (even though Chili Palmer was in an entirely different tank) since he was the only survivor. Now that he has left us, I'm wondering if the serial killer is still living in my house disguised as a well meaning snail who pretends to clean and looks innocent while quietly eating fish testicles.

Due to the lack of fish life, Andy decided to take apart his tank and rebuild it at another time. A time when serial killers would no longer have a place in aquatic society.

Then I received an email from a dear friend asking if I'd like her 3 fantail goldfish because she was moving and couldn't take them with her. I said I'd love too but I didn't have a tank for them (Andy's is a saltwater tank and the fantails are fresh water fish, salt would make them go like this "IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BUUUUURNS!!)(Only in fish speak), could I buy the tank they were currently in?

And this is the beauty I was blessed with.

She gave me a terrific deal (practically free) for the whole setup and I have to say that I absolutely love standing in front of it and talking to Larry, Moe and Curly (Three Stooges names suggested by my sister-in-law, Crazy Ez)(I tweaked them a little)(or Bee'd them if you will).

I have now designated them as my advisors in all things important like what I should make for dinner tomorrow.They are not entirely sure but they definitely gave me a big fins down when I asked them if I should grill up some fish.

So ladies and gents, please welcome

Larry O. Pompadour:

Big Moe (not to be confused with Moe Sizlack):

Curly The Acrobat:

Don't tell the other 2 but Larry is my absolute favorite! He likes to swim over and give me his shocked look hen I tell him I'm going to clean.

Thank you, AP, for thinking of us when looking for a home for these little guys. I promise to keep all shifty characters away from them and install metal detectors in case a wise guy wants to smuggle a switchblade.

They can have beer, right?

My trash your treasure + OZ steps out of line and I smack him back!

So, the yard sale went great!

We had wonderful weather... okay, maybe it was a little chilly but it was still enjoyable. We sat in my front yard under the canopy of trees and watched as cheapo people left without buying any of my CRAP treasures.

Milton had a great time. I think she also liked the fact that she was able to bond with the family members I'm constantly talking about (my sister, her girls, my brother Rick, my mom, Maria THE VEGETERIAN and her little daughter Sofia).

She did do a bunch of Milton things like reorganizing the shoes we were selling not once, twice, three times but like 500 times. She claimed somebody must have removed a $2 sticker on one of her items and placed a 50 cent sticker instead.

She also had kittens each time someone asked me what I was selling something for and I would talk myself down. "well, I want $3 but give me $2 and it's yours!"

She stuck to her prices and refused to negotiate which is probably why she's got more Benjamins than I do. The funny thing is that she owned up to her OCD and I have to say I enjoyed her company immensely.

There was one item I regretted putting out as soon as a lady picked it up. It was a gorgeous magazine rack that was almost new but I had put it away because I was abusing its magical powers and stacking too many magazines at one time.    

When she asked me the price, I said $3 and had it in my head that if she thought it was too much, she could go eff herself. She gave me the $3 (in quarters!!!) and drove off with my irreplaceable, priceless magazine rack. I MISS YOU MAGAZINE RACK!!

The downfall of this weekend is that, thanks to Milton, I am now on a first name basis with a lot of my neighbors and their dogs. I now more about their problems than I care too! I swear to Nihm that if any of them so much as smile at me because they *know* me, I will fling poo at them! I liked not knowing anybody but Boomhauer and Wilson. My sanctuary has been trespassed and contaminated!  The dogs were cute though.

I didn't make a lot of money (nope, can't retire yet) but the important thing is that my JUNK treasures are now gathering dust in someone else's house. (MAGAZINE RACK, COME BACK TO ME!!)

Coming back to work today, I had a conference call scheduled where OZ was going to have to man up and scare this guy I had been having a verbal sparring match with for the past couple of weeks. Instead he wimped out and postponed the call for Friday because he didn't have enough "" facts "". It pissed me off but then I remembered it wasn't my company and so I had my rice pudding.

When I went to lunch, OZ stepped into the kitchen and started asking me questions about that same account.

I don't know about you but I don't get paid while I'm at lunch. I also don't like distractions when I'm trying to enjoy my ham samich so I said.

Bee: I didn't bring the chart to lunch with me because I eat lunch at lunch.

OZ: Oh, but I'm sure you have some memory of the account details.

Bee: No, not while I'm at lunch because all I'm thinking about when I'm at lunch is my lunch.

OZ: Well, can you just answer me this one question?

Bee: Suuuuuure! When I get back from lunch.

Staring contest ensues.

OZ [leans against the kitchen sink]: ...

Bee [pats her ham sandwich]: ...

OZ [crosses his arms]: ...

Bee [takes a bite of her sandwich]: ...

OZ: ... I guess I'll buzz you when you get back from lunch.

Bee: I'm staying an extra 5 minutes which is about how long this conversation took. [I wink]

OZ: Okay. Just let me know when you get back.

Bee: You betcha!

 

That's what I'm talking about!!! MOFO interrupting me and my smoked ham sandwich!

Who had an awesome time on vacation? I did! I did! And probably Andy.

So, as you all know, my Long Lost Friend came for a visit. We picked her up at O'Hare and of course Andy slept while we waited.

She brought her two adorable little kids who were perfect little guests.

We only had 3 full days to take advantage of the awesomeness that is Chicago so we tried to pack in as much fun as we could. Lucky for us, the weather (and Andy) behaved.

On Saturday we hit one of my favorite spots, The Chicago Botanic Gardens.

What? You think that just because I go there every weekend I’m lame and therefore should have taken her somewhere else? Hey man! I also gave her a tour of the Jiffy Lube where my car gets its oil changed, Citgo where my car gets gas and Arkham Asylum where I get my oil changed and get gas so I think her sightseeing experience was all it could be and more! Maybe.

On Sunday we went to the Lincoln Park Zoo and Oz Park (where Andy and I watched her 2 year old son while she took her 11 year old daughter in search of a flushable potty and then her son almost gave me a heart attack because I thought he had escaped the play area via THE WIDE OPEN GATE ON THE OPOSITE END so then Andy and I had to remain as sentries at the 2 entrances until his mommy came back)(don't worry, he has no idea I aged 20 years). The zoo was pretty cool, no polar bears though which was a little disappointing. Here, I took some pictures of gorillas for you guys:

(what the hell are those rhinos doing in the Gorilla cage??)

It's like you were there, right?

On our way back home, we drove by Big Willy, formerly known as The Sears Tower, and other landmark skyscrapers all up close and personal-like. My city is truly magnifico!

We then had a little bonfire that night and reminisced about old times. As I told you yesterday, I was attacked by a swarm of spiders (spiders swarm too, right?) when I went to get some firewood. Very ouchie.

On Monday we went to the Shedd Aquarium but before going in, we took a water taxi to Navy Pier. I wish we would have done it in reverse because the Shedd closes at 6 so we didn’t have a chance to enjoy much of the Pier before having to make our way back. Still, it was a nice little view of the Chicago Skyline.

I had to stop Andy from jumping overboard. He was saying he wanted to play with the dolphins. I had to remind him they’re in Miami.

On our way to dinner, we stopped outside of Harpo Studios because my LLF is a huge Oprah fan. Unfortunately, there were no Oprah sightings. Not even at the nearest Dunkin Donuts... kidding.

To conclude our visit, on Tuesday we went to a water park near my home before they were scheduled to leave for the airport. Andy didn’t join us though because he didn’t want to see all those hot women in bikinis. A model husband is what he is. His compliments to me this weekend were as follows:

“ooh! That sunburn is looking purple! Is that normal?” –No, I would say purple skin tone is borderline 3rd degree burns.

“You know what the problem is, you sit weird so your shirt gaps at an angle. That’s why your sunburn isn’t symmetrical” – So should I have just gone around flashing innocent bystanders?

“Your face is all shiney.” – It’s called sweat, dear.

Anyway, I have to admit I thought our reunion might be a little awkward but it wasn’t at all. It was almost as if our lack of contact was only the length of one summer. She had some great memories of our childhood/early teen years and was able to fill in some memory gaps I had. We were also able to catch up on our current ventures, she has 2 kids a husband, is a teacher of school teachers, I have 2 dogs, an Andy, nutter coworkers and no life.

I'm glad she contacted me and we were able resume our friendship. I hope she enjoyed her visit and I thank her because it allowed Andy and I to enjoy Chicago again so we felt like we went somewhere too.

I did subject her to an interview which I will post next week but for now, this is a picture of a crackhead rhino-turtle. Can you see the turtle, little Jimmy?

Announcement!

Our Sunday Comic comes back this Sunday with the conclusion of "Bee n' Andy: Married and sometimes, still in love..."- Last resort babysitters.

Thank you and please come again!