Ladies, if your husband ever calls you and is FRANTIC, because he thinks your car is going to die while he's driving home after having taken it to get an oil change, where he found out the thingy that blah blah the battery was corroded, let him know that as long as the car is on and your alternator is working fine, you can actually remove the battery and go on your merry way while singing show tunes.* It won't start again once you turn it off but I'm sure the fairies will fix it.
When he got home (after he give me hugs and kisses for not picking up my phone until the seventh time he called) (HEY MAN! I WAS READING!), he showed me how they had jimmy-rigged the thingy so that the car would start..
That there is tape. Regular scotch tape. You know, the one you would use to wrap gifts for your loved ones? The one that only sticks to paper or skin (making scary faces by putting tape on your eyelids and then sticking them to your forehead=AWESOME Saturday nights!)?
This is the best the guys at The Boob Lube could come up with? Have they not heard about duct tape??? It holds the world together!
How about learning a little bit more about cars? Now I have to smell the burning plastic every time I turn on my car! This doesn't let me appreciate the smell of burning tires when I merge into traffic!
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He was having some difficulty removing the nut because the corrosion was so bad, it had a welding effect on the washer so I decided to help him with my own tools. His are the big ones with the DIRTY blue handles, mine are the cute ones that say IKEA.
Then I got bored, because there are only so many new swear words your brain can learn in one day, so I sat in the garden to read my book while he went on grunting a few feet away. At this point I was only 100 pages away from the end of the rambling 750 page book I was reading and I could taste the finish line! (It tasted of human ribs and pasta) 
Andy told me I could go inside since he no longer needed my assistance but it was a beautiful weekend here in Chi-townland so I decided to take advantage of the cool breeze (not to mention I wanted to be within hearing distance in case he caused any MORE damage to my Mini Tank or you know, he exploded)!
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He was finally able to remove all offending metal particles (by sawing them off) that didn't belong in my car and replace the bastard piece that was preventing the juice from making my car hummmmmmmmm (all this is technical stuff so if you don't understand, it's okay).
There are a couple of things I wish I would have known before this little adventure.
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I wish I'd known how toxic the white powder on the battery was. You see, after I helped with the untightification of the nut, Andy dared me to stick my whole hand in my mouth before washing it! Yeah, he is soo trying to kill me!
His warning to me this morning was "Let me know if you see sparks" I swear I heard him mumble "If it's not too late..."
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Other thing is, just because your car is running smoothly (until your husband has it for one hour then everything goes to shit!!!!), it doesn't mean you shouldn't pop the hood and check it out to see if it needs anything like say, a cleaning from the acid overflowing from the battery.
All in all, we both learned something new.
Me: Battery liquids/powders = BAD
Andy: My wife knows more about cars than I do.
*I'm not a mechanic (as you can tell by all my non-technical terms) but I've had a shit-ton of crappy cars which made me learn things the hard way. If you ask my family, they'll tell you I blame any car malfunctions on the alternator.
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P.S.
Yes, yes. I know we need to replace the battery but I'm gonna wear out that four dollar piece he had to buy first.
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P.P.S.
I finished the book and will have a review (nothing too detailed) on it another day. Stephenie Meyer fans will hate me but they can take a number and wait at the back of the line along with the weird tourist who was asking for directions to the Sear's Tower and I mistakenly directed him to the Hancock building. I might have been a little tipsy that day.
