Polly Pockets Does PSA.

A couple of weeks ago, my mom and I were at the store. We were going to meet my sister and Natalia for lunch so I wanted to get her a little something as a gesture of me trying to buy her love (Natalia's not my sister's).
I walked around the toy aisle looking for Polly Pockets stuff since I know she loves it.
After 3 laps around the aisle I found nothing. Ziltch! Nada!
Then I remembered the whole tainted paint/magnets = illness/death controversy...

Oops!

I decided to contact Polly Pockets and ask her what her thoughts were.
This is her statement:

"I am very upset me and my friends have been making kids sick and want to make it up to the parents. I'm shooting some Public Service Announcements regarding the dangers of drinking and driving that will hopefully help us get back in their good graces."

-

I asked Polly (she said I could call her Polly) if she would be able to send me some pictures so that I may put them on my blog. She said coolio and sent me the pics below.

-

I did ask her why there was an Octopus and a Seal in the shots but she said it was supposed to be a "contemporary" PSA that also showed the things you might be seeing under the influence...

-

Huh! Maybe that's why I see fictional characters in my daily life. I learn something new everyday!

-

P.S.

No booze was harmed in the making of this PSA.

Trick or Treat? Stalker Strikes Again!

My stalker strikes again!

Sending me an empty wrapper of a most delicious 3 Musketeer, how evil and cold blooded is that?!

-

I'm on my way to the lab to have this analyzed.

Who knows what they'll find!

-

P.S.

-

Should I move?

-

-

**SPECIAL EDIT**

-

Upon analyzing the envelope and contents closer, I'm not as afraid as I was due to this little piece of evidence.

You can't be scaurd of someone that puts a heart stamp on a threatening package.

Don't Be Scaurd...

You Are 64% Sociopath

The good news is that you're devastatingly charming. The bad news? You mostly use those charms for evil!

See I'm not so bad only 64%...! ;o)

P.S.

I'm addicted to these things!

I've Got Chills! They're Multiplying! It's Electrifying!

So…

Thursdays, besides being treat days, are also staff meeting days.
We all meet, OZ is never present for these since he doesn’t know he has an office staff and assumes everything gets done by fairies (well 6 ogres and 1 beautiful fairy), anyway this meeting should only take 10 minutes (10!) but it usually takes about 30… today’s took 1 hour and 5 minutes (checked the time before I left my desk)!!!

We had to hear about Purple Dino-SOUR’s daughter who is pregnant, did you know her morning sickness is at night?? It seems her hormones are out of whack because she cries if she can’t find a shoe (news flash: me too)! Boy am I glad they make her come in at 8 on Thursdays just for these meetings! [heavy sarcasm]

We had to talk about Cowardly Lion's son who is working in India for a month so everybody had to know what he wears…?

Scarecrow’s sons, Bert and Ernie, are fine and love lobster.

Milton’s daughter got back with her boyfriend but they’re still struggling.

Toto's grandkids will be with her this weekend and they will probably torture her cat...

Et-freakin-cetera!

Finally, since I felt like I had to say something…

Bee:
“Wow! You know what I just realized? All of you are my mom’s age or older… you could have had a daughter just like me!” [Big smile saying “huh? huh? whadda ya think?]

They all shivered! All of them! :o)

The meeting ended…


Evil payback project of the day:

Unplug the copy machine and see how long it takes them to find out what’s wrong.

KM Week and B@@BS part 2.<-- HA! That Looks Sick!

So this is my Kitchen Marm week.

After being slimed by pink lipstick my last KM week I asked that everybody do their own freakin' dishes and Glynda agreed so she told me to print a sign and put it up by the kitchen sink.





I realize this sign does not say, forks, knives, spoons but you would think it's implied...


When the sign first went up there was great controversy.


There I was minding my bee's wax eating my lunch, listening to my tunes on my iPod, when they came at me with the gale force of a bad wind!


They of course being, Purple Dino-SOUR, Scarecrow and Toto, came in a pack so the nonsense they spewed was not easily identified as to who said what.


"who put it up?"


"whose idea was it?"


"well I never!"

Fuckin' Bats!

Cool Bee Running:

I mentioned it at meeting I told you guys I didn't appreciate getting slimed and doing your dishes. Why are you surprised?

Toto:
I don't mind doing other people's dishes.
-


Cool Bee Running:
Well of course you don't but I am not your maid. Frankly I don't give a shit if it pisses you off.
-
[they gasp] Oops! I said shit and pisses... :o)
-
Nothing to do with the story but...every time I say "Oops" I'm reminded of John McClane saying "Oops! No bullets!" to Hans Gruber in Die Hard. Go figure.
-
Luckily for me I had brought back the stupid kitchen towel thing otherwise they might have lynched me.


Or died trying.

"Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"

I know, I know. I should get a life.

B@@bs part 2

I was debating if I should share this story since I believe I've embarrassed myself enough but... I have no shame!

I went to refill my water bottle at the water cooler thing. I was wearing a nice somewhat conservative blouse not too V-Necked but I was very self-conscious of over exposure so I kept looking around making sure no one was coming down the hall as I was bent forward.

ALL OF A SUDDEN! (do you notice how everything is "all of a sudden" in my life?)

OZ walks into the room and I was so startled...

My hand...

jerked up...

and spilled the water...

all over...

the front of my...

light pink...

thin peasant blouse...

so...

over exposure galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
OZ ran to get me paper towels. I'm just thankful he didn't try helping me dry.

::sigh::

Does anybody know of any job openings anywhere? Mc Donald's? Car Wash?

Maybe I can post my Resumé on Monster with the title:
"Flashing a Strong Possibility" :o(

What do you think OZ would say...

if I put this on his desk?

When Bras attack! An Injured boob tells her story.

**Warning for Men you might not want to read this since it might contain TMI regarding women stuff!**

So there I was sitting at my desk minding my own business. I was kind of sleepy I won’t lie to you, a little distracted, disinterested in my surroundings etc.

I reached over to grab a chart when all of a sudden I felt this horrible stabbing pain! WTF! The bats got me! They’re trying to stab me to death!
No!
I’m too youngish to die!!

Oh… wait.

It’s just the under-wire of my bra digging a hole on the side of my boob. The freakin’ thing has broken in half and come out of the seam and nearly killed me!

Why do we pay so much money for these damn things if they’re gonna be so generic? I paid $30 ($30!) for this stupid thing and now I’m walking around with a wad of tissue so it doesn’t continue torturing me.

It’s not like I can ask to go home based on a boob injury... well maybe I can but then I’d have to admit what my problem is and that would be pretty embarrassing. Kind of like telling the world I stuff my bra!

Uh… yeah I guess I’m doing that now but you need to be part of my happiness and pain.

7 Year Sentence.

So...

I was listening to my radio show while getting ready for work on Thursday when I heard them say something about a politician in Germany wanting to pass a law that states marriages will expire after 7 years and if you'd like to remain hitched, you have to agree to extend the marriage otherwise it's bye-bye baby...
...
...
...
I was very interesed since I'm fast (as in we are on a Ferrari going at it's maximum speed!) approaching my 7th anniversary so I made it my goal in life on Sunday to ignore the nice day out and lock myself in to do research and bring it to your attention. Here is the story.

It took me 2 minutes to find. I guess I over estimated...

Still, I'd like to list Pros and Cons.

Pro:
You save on attorney fees

Cons:
Your Other saves on attorney fees.

Pro:
You can ask the Copy Guy for his number... just in case.
-
Con:
Your Other can ask the Retail Clerk for their number... just in case (HELL NO OVER MY DEAD BODY!)

You know what forget it! I don't like where this is going. I think they should make the law more binding. Something along the lines of:

"Even after death you will be united as one. There is no escaping each other ever!"

Wow! Sounds kind of Fatal Attraction-y doesn't it? Well whatevah since it's Halloween time I can act as insane as I want! (day like any other day)

Now if only the sun would go away so that I can go look for prey...

BOO!

I took a drug test...

Your Personality Is Like Cocaine

You're dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you. Hyper and full of energy, you're usually the last one to leave a party. Sometimes your sharp mind gets the better of you... you're a bit paranoid!

"dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you"

Why is this thing insulting me?? I want answers people! Who runs these things so that I can go over there and show them in person how "dynamic, brilliant, and alluring" I really am!

And try again! If it's a party I'm the one that sits closest to the door so I can be the first to leave! It obviously doesn't know what it's talking about!

What?

Did you just tell me to get a life?!

Or am I being paranoid? Why is this red? Ooh pretty colors...

I Miss The Smell of Rotten Tomatoes…

I was driving in to work today (late as usual) since I was [khmmm] speeding I could not avoid my tires going over an already demised skunk.

Now my car has the lovely fragrance of skunk al la sautéed rotten tomatoes!

Yum!

Hope you were eating! :o)

Andyisms

Andy:
Bee! Bee! BEE!

[An unbelievably cool wife comes running out of the computer room thinking her husband is being attacked by wild boars]

Cool Wife:
What!? What's going on??

Andy:
What year were you born?

[::sigh::]

Cool Wife:
1972

Andy:
Oh. In the year 1972 they saw a flash of light in the sky they couldn't identify.

[WHAT THE PHUCK!!??]

Cool Wife:
Oh.K.AY. then...? Was it on my birthday? Are you saying I'm an alien...?

Andy:
No, not on your birthday. Just the year 1972, thought you should know.

[cool wife heard muttering to the dogs as she walks away, 'whadda ya think guys, hammer to the head tonight?']

*don't worry, the dogs said no.

Public Service Announcement #135

If you take tomatoes home from the office on Friday.
If they spill out of the plastic bag in your car on Friday.
If you think you’ve picked them all up on Friday.
If you have a few 80º days from Friday to Wednesday.
If you drop your cell phone for the 1 millionth time (okay more like fling it in annoyance) on Wednesday.
If you find it under the seat along with something squishy...

It means you did not pick up all the FREAKIN' tomatoes!

PSA: Don't leave tomatoes in a hot car for more than 1 day tops.

Yeah, I thought the tomatoes had no relevance in my Dance of the Windbags story, how was I to know it was Karma payback?

Don’t make fun of me... I’m armed and dangerous! Rotten Tomatoes will come flying your way!

P.S.

In my research to get pictures of rotten tomatoes, the cyber gods decided to punish my impudence by providing me with pictures of 30 or so half nahhkked women and only 5 or so pictures of tomatoes...??????

It's a good thing I'm at work and not at home... oh wait, maybe that should be the other way around...?

Speaking of HOT tomatoes... Paul Walker! (he came up on my search too???)

-

P.P.S.

::sigh::

Why didn't anybody tell me there was an Elvis special on TV last night?? I came into it half an hour late!

The Dance of the Windbags, A Beautiful Fairy Reports.

As all of y’all may (or not) know, Fridays are my meetings with OZ. This past Friday he had a special treat for me. He asked me to be present when he met with an attorney I’d been fighting with on the phone for over a year. Let’s call him Mr. Weasel (no offense to other attorneys, just this guy is a weasel).
Mr. Weasel has been calling trying to be a big bad bully with no success so he decided to go to the top. He was in for a surprise!

Upon his arrival, OZ made him wait 20 minutes.

OZ:
Do you think he’s waited long enough?

Bee:
No, but I want to go home sometime before night fall.

OZ:
[to Glynda] Bring him in. [to me] We'll play good cop, bad cop, okay?

Bee:
Only if I get to be bad cop. [I thought he was joking]

Mr. Weasel comes in and even though we’ve never met, he looks exactly as I thought big gold ring and all!
They both shake hands and I can see they’re sizing each other up.

Oz Introduces me.

OZ:
This is Bee, she will be representing me today… [laughs at his own “joke”…]

Mr. Weasel:
Well it’s good to finally meet both of you in person! [to OZ] I don’t know if she told you but we speak to each other weekly. [laughs, although why is still unknown to me…]

OZ:
Yes, she’s been very… honest in her opinion of you. [laughs again...]

Mr. Weasel:
Well, I only have the interest of my client in mind. Sometimes I must be a little forceful. [chuckles, looks uncomfortable]

Bee: [Enough with the bullshit!]
Well, there must be a reason why you wanted to meet with OZ, may I ask what it is?

Mr. Weasel:
I would like for you to not make my client liable for what he owes. I’ve expressed my concerns multiple times blah blah blah…

OZ:
Bee and I have discussed this account and she advises me to continue on the course we are on now. I’m sorry Mr. Weasel but my hands are tied! [crosses his arms leans back in his chair]

Mr. Weasel: [SHOCKED! looks at me]
I think it’s in the interest of all parties involved to bill health… blah blah

Bee:
I disagree, the only party to benefit would be you. We've discussed this "multiple" times, I thought you were coming here today with a compromise.

OZ:
Well it was nice meeting you but Bee has an appointment so we’ll have to end the meeting now. [meeting time, 7 minutes]

Mr. Weasel:
If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to continue this conversation, could you and I discuss… [OZ cuts him off]

OZ:
I’m sorry, since she is the one with the knowledge I’d be useless without her. [yeah, you think he's paying me compliment but this is just a game to him]

OZ stands up, Mr. Weasel stands up, I stay seated. They shake hands, Weasel exits. I should have asked him to bow. :o)

OZ:
HA HA HA! Did you see his face? [OZ's Philip Seymour Hoffman face red with laughter]

Bee:
I think he can hear you. [When will this day end?]

OZ:
Who cares! HA HA HA! [stops laughing suddenly and asks me] Are you going to take home the tomatoes that are in the kitchen…?

And so concludes the Dance of the Windbags.

Do you feel like you need a shower?
Yeah me too.


P.S.
The tomatoes have no relevance in this story other than that was the last thing he said to me so don't ask if I took them home.
(I did)

Coffee with Mom

So...

Do you talk about urine and skunks when you're having coffee with your mom?

No?

Saturday morning:

Beautiful day, we are enjoying our coffee on the patio.

Mom:

What's going on with the grass over here? [pointing at dried grass and holes on the ground]

Bee:

Andy says it's skunks.

Mom:

Stupid skunks! Is there a way to keep them out of the yard?

Bee:

I heard something about spreading male urine around the perimeter of your house and it keeps them away. [I was disinterested since I was inhaling my morning coffee]

Mom:

Is Andy going to do it?

Bee:

Do what?

Mom:

Pee around the house?

Bee:

WHAT!!??

Mom:

Maybe he should just pee in a bottle and you can scatter it around the house...?

Bee:

Mom, I'd rather invite the freakin' skunks to live in the house!!

GROSS.

What Has Changed??

Tazz the Spazz

Things I couldn't do when I was 13.

Drive a car. Well I did but I wasn't supposed to.

Drink beer. Uh... other than those stolen sips from when my father told me to get him a beer.

Work. Other than helping my father out in his office and getting paid in "here's a combination box full of change, if you can figure out the combination you can keep the money inside" (true story) (did I find the combination? FREAKIN' A I DID!) (then he made me split the money with the other rugrats!)

Sit at a booth in a restaurant with my feet touching the floor.

Things I can do now that I'm 34.

Drive a car. So what if I drive too fast! Just don't be in front of me!

Drink beer. Overrated!

Work. WTF! Son of a Witch! Mother Sausage!!!

Yup that's it.

What?

Are you asking about the whole my feet touching the floor while I'm sitting at a booth in a restaurant???

I wish I could add that to my list but I found myself swinging my feet like a 5 year old in 4 inch heels while at a fancy shmancy restaurant.

Maybe when I'm sixty!!

-

What?

-

What do you mean you shrink when you get older!?

-

-

**EDIT

I just re-read this shit and I think my father owes me some money!

Either him or the monkeys I call my brothers!!

I'll Make You Jealous...

So there I am sitting at my desk looking out my window. The same window where people stare at me as if I were a crazy attraction in a bizarre zoo. Usually I give them a good show and I stick my tongue out at them and put my thumbs in my ears while I wiggle my fingers. Today is no different!

How was I to know my life would change so dramatically in a matter of seconds...


Suddenly I see a State Trooper pull up.
He comes into the office and shouts my name.

Did I hide my pot??? Of course!

Terrified, I walk to the waiting room and identify myself.
He's a nice looking guy so I don't mind too much when he frisks me.
He then tells me that he has a package for me which I need to open in his presence.
He hands me a plastic coffee can.

Huh?

It was wrapped in tape and had been confiscated from a mail truck for being a suspicious package.


He told me to open it carefully and step away slowly once I did.
I do as I'm told since the big man has a big gun.

I gasp as I look inside...
Is that a baby?
Are those shells?
And a button?
And a domino?
In a box of matches?
A book marker?
With a little fan?
With a little clothes pin?
In a Ziploc bag?
In a coffee can?


Yup!


I got this from my favorite stalker... my only stalker!
Are you jealous?
Would you like to send me something too?

Thank you stalker!
These items will be treasured forever inside my favorite voodoo doll!

It’s just a phucking highlighter!!!!!

I use a highlighter allot.
When it runs out I grab another one.
I didn’t know someone was keeping track.
I guess that was stupid of me.

My highlighter ran out.
I went to the cabinet.
I took a new one.


Milton asked, another one already?
Bee asked, huh?
Milton said, this is your 3rd this year.
Bee asked, do I need a requisition form?
Milton said, no, I’m just surprised.
Bee asked, you know what’s a surprise?
Milton [falling into the trap] asked, what?
Bee said, that I’ve let you live this long.

::sigh::

Bee pissed off! [third person, first person, second person, all three of us!]

Are you sitting there staring at your screen asking "Why the hell is it important to tell a story about a highlighter!?"

Well it was a very traumatic situation okay! I nearly cried!

Just kidding! :o)

P.S.

Did you think this was a poem?

Sorry, maybe next time!

First Cute and Cuddly then TORTURE!

First Cute and Cuddly.

Above is a picture of Shoogie Boogie and her Boogie mom (AKA my little sis) on Natalia's first day back at Pre-K. Aren't they both cuties? :o)
-
She was dropped off at school the same as last year. Her mommy, daddy and grandmother all watched as she ran into her new classroom with a quick goodbye but without a backwards glance!
-

Then her daddy picked her up and drove her to mommy's work where they went to lunch and the plan was for daddy to take her miniature golfing.
-
However...
-The little princess had had a long day! :o) Her daddy had to park under the shade and wait for her to wake up from her nap.

AWWW!


Now Torture!
-
Anyway, in my quest to be the most evil worker ever to grace this office... I did the following to the poor unsuspecting souls that have the misfortune to be my co-workers.
-
My friend Thunderbird, Lord of The Spiders sent me the following tongue twister:
-
I'm not the Pheasant Plucker,
I'm the Pheasant Plucker's son,
And I'm only plucking pheasants
Till the Pheasant Plucker comes.
-

My plan: To recite it over and over at odd moments and at different volumes.

-

The following were the reactions after they "heard" me say the tongue twister.

-
Victim #1- Purple Dino-SOUR
PD: [walking toward her desk]
Is that a song? It sounds like you’re saying “flucker”…?
-

Cool Shoes Bee:
What? Oh I’m sorry, was I talking out loud?
-

PD:
Yes, what was it you were saying?
-

Cool Shoes Bee:
Not sure, I didn’t realize I was saying anything. Sorry if I was bothering you. [faked a sheepish look]
-

PD: [Confused look, which is her normal look because she's, say it with me, always confused!]
Oh. Okay.

-
-I had to be careful and torture them separately-

-

Victim #2- Scarecrow

Scarecrow: [looking for a chart near my desk]

Ha Ha! Is that a dirty limerick?

-

Cool Shoes Bee:

What? Is what a dirty limerick?

-

Scarecrow: [smiling from ear to ear]

What you were saying right now. It sounded like "I once had a peasant [whispers] fucker"

-

Cool Shoes Bee: [looking at her with big shocked eyes]

Waaahhuut!?

-

Scarecrow: [embarrassed]

Oh! My mistake I just thought you... sorry.

-

As soon as she walked out I laughed till I couldn't breathe! I felt bad but I couldn't tell her just yet.

-

Victim #3- Milton

Milton: [walking towards the copy machine that's right next to me]

I'm sorry what?

-

Cool Shoes Bee:

I'm just talking to myself.

-

Milton:

Oh. [You could tell she's dying to ask again but didn't want to risk angering me. Like that's possible, I'm so sweet all the time!]

-
I said it again, made sure she heard me over the copier's noise

-

Milton: [little girl poltergeist voice]

Are you reciting a poem?

-

Cool Shoes Bee:

Um... no, just thinking out loud. Sorry if it bothers you.

-

Milton:

No, it doesn't bother me but out of curiosity, what were you saying?

-

Cool Shoes Bee:

I know I was talking out loud but I'd really rather not talk about it. It's kinda personal.

-

Milton:

I understand but it just seemed like you were saying something about a "pleasant plucker"...?

-

I coudn't stand it anymore I busted out laughing!

-

So let's recap:

We got flucker, peasant fucker, pleasant plucker.

-

I haven't laughed so hard since... well since I got an e-mail saying I had offensive material on my blog! Me! Can you believe it? Me either!!!

I should cut their head off with a humid piece of celery!

-

Yeah, I know. I'm such a Bit- ah-ah-ah... Didn't say it.

Give me a B... B! Give me an E... E! Give me an E... E!

WHAT DOES THAT SPELL?!


Crazy?

So there I was minding my own business looking thru the newspaper when I came across the title you see in the picture. Now I can't figure out if they are telling me to "be nice" or if they're saying "I am nice". I'll go with they're saying "I am nice"

I want to know who finishes crossword puzzles... is it you... how about you?

If it is you then I hate your guts! No, not really. Well maybe a little bit. Well maybe allot bit. Umm... are you still there?

All day yesterday I spent trying to finish a crossword puzzle with no success! It just kept taunting me over and over. I kept hearing my Advanced English teacher Mrs. Novinger saying "Finish it or I'll hang you from the ceiling fan!" yeah, she really said that! She was one crazy witch (my kinda lady) (in a non gay way) (because... well, you guys know right?).

-

Anyway...

Here are some of the ones I got right which I thought was pretty awesome of me.

-

11 Across -baby bed- 4 letters... CRIB!

34 Across -table insert- 4 letters... LEAF!

47 Across -roofing piece- 4 letters... TILE!

75 Across -Chaney Sr. and Jr.- 4 letters... ... ... ... ... ... DICK!

-

If you noticed a pattern you're pretty smart and should help me with this freakin' crossword puzzle! I have not given up yet! Even if I'm still working on it next Sunday when the answers come out!

-

Just when you thought you had me pegged for knowing only 4 letter words I come at you with:

-

61 Across -Bitter Feud- (hold on a sec while I count the letters, 1,2... carry the 4...) 8 letters... VENDETTA!!

Yeah baby! It's all the mobster movies I watch! school shmool!

-

Then I got one answer because well... it's a term of endearment used to describe me:

105 Down -Small fry- 5 letters... SHORT! ("small fry" would be the term Awww!)

-

There was one I thought I had but then they forgot to give me one more open square:

53 Across -Currency substitute- 5 letters I thought... CREDIT! [Ha!Ha!] it wasn't the answer.

-

Then a helpful soul gave me the answer for:

38 Down -Greek Lyric Poet- 6 letters... PINDAR!

Although I do take half the credit because I already had the letters "i" and "a" so... :op

-

Okay then the clues got um... kookier so I know they just want me to make up answers, right?

-

23 Across -I was so stiff, I couldn't...- 11 letters! my answer: DANCE FAST!

38 Across -I was so slow, I couldn't...- 10 letters! starts with "p" my answer: DO THIS CROSSWORD PUZZLE!

80 Across -I was so broke, I couldn't...- 12 letters! my answer: BUY SHIT!

94 Across -I was so hoarse, I couldn't...- 10 letters! my answer: BERATE MY CO-WORKERS PROPERLY! (because you know I would still try, right? You're not sure? Well maybe you should click on the work label and come back.)

116 Across -I was so clumsy, I couldn't...- 11 letters! ends with "o" my answer: KEEP A GIRLFRIEND!

16 Down -I was so inartistic, I couldn't...- 15(!) letters! my answer: DRAW A STICK FIGURE!

46 Down -I was so dizzy, I couldn't...- 15(!) letters! fourth letter "N" my answer: DRINK ANYMORE!

-

Aren't I the most awesomest crossword puzzle solver you have ever heard of?

-

Hey those are my answers right or wrong this is my blogus! If you are from the Crossword Mafia or if you disagree with my answers you can put the right ones in the comments.

You will be reward by me calling you a geek.

Uh... you know I'm kidding, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah... tell your friends!

-

Afterthought...

I got my fist issue of Glamour on Friday and I have to say, so far so good!

If you want any advice, you know who to ask.

[Not me, just ask whoever you think can help you]

2 Public Service Announcements! 1 Question. + Dance Music

1)
If you are washing a jar that once had Crushed Red Pepper... DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TOUCH YOUR EYES!
Wash your hands for at least 3 days straight! And even then, touch somebody else's eyes first (preferrably somebody you dislike, if you don't have someone matching that description, let me know. Off the top of my head I can think of 20 people I can let you borrow.)


2)
Condensation can be dangerous!! Don't ask me what type! All types!!
Especially on sweaty beer bottles that tend to slide from your hands as you're about to drink and then you wind up cutting your lip with your own tooth! Uh... This didn't happen to me it happened to my friend uhm... candle yeah Candle!

Question:
Why are candles so freakin' expensive?!


Okay enough for today, I have to put some frozen buffalo wings in the oven. Oh... I meant to type "I need to make Andy a nice big steak for dinner"

I will leave you with the following lyrics. ::sigh:: it was originally gonna be Funky Town but the internet gods have decided to hide it from me.
So second choice: Marky Mark and Funky Bunch with Good Vibrations...

Yeah can you feel it baby I can too
Come on swing it
It's such a good vibration
It's such a sweet sensation (2x)
Yo it's about that time to bring forth
the rhythm and the rhyme
I'm a get mine so get yours
I wanna see sweat comin' out your pores
On the house tip is how I'm swinging this
strictly hip hop boy
I ain't singing this
Bringing this to the entire nation black, white, red, brown
feel the vibration
Come on come on Feel it feel it Feel the vibration
It's such a good vibration
It's such a sweet sensation (2x)
Vibrations good like Sunkist
Many wanna know who done this
Marky Mark and I'm here to move you
Rhymes will groove you
Come on come on Feel it feel it
Feel the vibration (not all the lyrics just the important parts)

Friday

I wish this picture of the Sun would have come out clearer. It was so beautiful when I saw it Friday morning, with the clouds traveling at such a high speed it was as if once they touched the Sun they needed to get away as fast as possible. My cell doesn't do it justice!

Friday was my day to relieve Cowardly Lion for lunch since Dorothy went back to school.
I was sitting at the front desk when a couple came in, they had to be in their early forties.

He'd had surgery on his foot and was on crutches. He smiled at me gave his name and went to go sit down. Since the waiting room is right in front of the reception desk I could hear them talking. The tone of their voice as they addressed each other was what I can only describe as resentful.

He asked her: 'where do you want to sit?'

she: 'I don't care anywheres fine.'

he: 'maybe here?'

she: 'it's up to you I don't care! you're the one who should figure it out since you're the one in crutches!'

he: 'you know what, I'll sit here you can sit where ever the hell you want!'

All this over a seat. It continued but I think you get the picture.
It's not for me to ask the question but how does one get to that place? They might have just been having a fight that day but their tone of voice was what was shocking to me.

I'm sure at one point in their lives they talked to each other in soft voices with each word showing how much they loved each other.

How did they get to where even a simple question is an annoyance?
I obviously don't know them so I don't know what they've gone thru in their lives but it just made me feel hopeless.

On a positive note I made OZ blush like a school girl!
He came in to tell me our meeting was cancelled then said 'nice shoes!'
I said 'why thank you! It's a habit now right? To check out my shoes?'
He laughed and turned all kinds of red! SCORE!

Who's not afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? Me! Uh huh!

Philip Seymour Hoffman as OZ

better picture here

Rambling Along the Highway Of Crap!

I’ve developed non curable allergies…

That’s right ladies and gents I'm allergic to bullshit!

I’ve always been allergic but I was able to control my reactions by applying a nice thick layer of ointment in the form of patience, now it seems I’m losing the ability to control my out-breaks/bursts… ::sigh::

Oh well! Enough melodrama! (Yeah right!)

Guess who almost got slapped yesterday?

If you guessed “everyone you work with” you are a winner please treat yourself to a beer (if you’re over 21 that is, otherwise you should wait before you drink any alcoholic beverages like the rest of us did... also, if it's morning time when you're reading this wait until noon like the rest of us...).

-

Yeah it was a rough day in Dumb-OZ-land! So in order to take my mind off the twitching of my right eye (why is it always my right eye that twitches? You’d hope they would take turns, that way one eyelid won't get more exercise than the other therefore leaving me with a skinny lid and a slightly fatter lid…) where was I? Oh yeah, I came up with a special game.

-
Every time they asked something particularly stupid, I thought about responses that would make them blush.
-
My responses were:

“What picture of a penis?”*

“Oh… so it burns when you pee?”*

“Umm… do you always have to talk about your love life? It makes me very uncomfortable”*

“Adult diapers?”*

"Did you try pulling it out?"*

"Phone sex isn't allowed at work."*

“Dammit woman! Stop grabbing my ass!”*

along the same lines.

“Can you stand somewhere else so that your butt is not in my face!?” (I was sitting in the lunchroom bench thing, inconsiderate fuckin' people not caring that I’m short!-the Word suggestion for "fuckin" was "ducking" just thought you might want to know-)*

“Your husband is hot!” (Wait… how did that get in there? A patient came in with a very attractive husband but I wasn't even looking... shhh!)

-

Anyway, some of these I said out loud, one of these I just kept in my head. I’m not telling you which is which because I’d like to keep the mystery in our relationship…

-

I recommend you try this concept at home/work/supermarket/dentist because it’s super therapeutic!

-
By the way, Glynda saw my journal (yeah I keep a journal... so? No, that doesn't make me a geek! It's so that I can write down my awesome thought -singular on purpose- so that I can later share it with my followererers.) and said,

-

'If you write stuff about here, make sure you don't leave it lying around because OZ will read it.'

-

So Cool Chocolate Doesn't Melt in Her Mouth Bee:

'Uh... why would I write about this place?!'
-


Laugh with me peoples!
-

****Also, my home computer crashed!!! You know the one I got for my 30th birthday and hardly used myself but then when a certain someone wanted a new fancy shmancy one it came back to me? Yeah, that one!

-

It's probably all the questionable google searches I've been doing (all in the name of research)! Now I have to fight with The Dread Pirate Roberts to share his... Yeah, I know, you share my pain.
Favorite line in the movie: Westley says to Prince Humperdinck as they're cornered "you surrender to me? I accept!" **Walk out your door, go to the store, buy it, watch it, love it!**

-

Ramble On People There’s Nothing To See Here!

P.S.
Nancy, no post tomorrow.

What? No, that's not a tattoo it's just my hair.

So...

I'm 34 going on 40...
I would really like a tattoo but I am deathly afraid of needles!

I'm trying to talk myself into it though. (Andy doesn't know yet and since he rarely reads my blog, he did yesterday so maybe 2 weeks from now will be the next time, he probably won't find out until it's too late... unless one of you turkeys tells him so shhh!)

Anyway, I'd really like the Chinese character for "Family" on the nape of my neck. My 2 brothers and my sister have tattoos, so if they can take the pain I'm sure I can.

It's a good idea right? RIGHT!? Come on talk me into it!!








P.S.

I looked for "tough chick" and "bad ass chick" but it didn't come up...?
I did find one for "pretty" maybe I can just tell people it means "pretty bad ass"?

EXPLOSIVEPOISON


TOXIC HAZARD