Who had an awesome time on vacation? I did! I did! And probably Andy.

So, as you all know, my Long Lost Friend came for a visit. We picked her up at O'Hare and of course Andy slept while we waited.

She brought her two adorable little kids who were perfect little guests.

We only had 3 full days to take advantage of the awesomeness that is Chicago so we tried to pack in as much fun as we could. Lucky for us, the weather (and Andy) behaved.

On Saturday we hit one of my favorite spots, The Chicago Botanic Gardens.

What? You think that just because I go there every weekend I’m lame and therefore should have taken her somewhere else? Hey man! I also gave her a tour of the Jiffy Lube where my car gets its oil changed, Citgo where my car gets gas and Arkham Asylum where I get my oil changed and get gas so I think her sightseeing experience was all it could be and more! Maybe.

On Sunday we went to the Lincoln Park Zoo and Oz Park (where Andy and I watched her 2 year old son while she took her 11 year old daughter in search of a flushable potty and then her son almost gave me a heart attack because I thought he had escaped the play area via THE WIDE OPEN GATE ON THE OPOSITE END so then Andy and I had to remain as sentries at the 2 entrances until his mommy came back)(don't worry, he has no idea I aged 20 years). The zoo was pretty cool, no polar bears though which was a little disappointing. Here, I took some pictures of gorillas for you guys:

(what the hell are those rhinos doing in the Gorilla cage??)

It's like you were there, right?

On our way back home, we drove by Big Willy, formerly known as The Sears Tower, and other landmark skyscrapers all up close and personal-like. My city is truly magnifico!

We then had a little bonfire that night and reminisced about old times. As I told you yesterday, I was attacked by a swarm of spiders (spiders swarm too, right?) when I went to get some firewood. Very ouchie.

On Monday we went to the Shedd Aquarium but before going in, we took a water taxi to Navy Pier. I wish we would have done it in reverse because the Shedd closes at 6 so we didn’t have a chance to enjoy much of the Pier before having to make our way back. Still, it was a nice little view of the Chicago Skyline.

I had to stop Andy from jumping overboard. He was saying he wanted to play with the dolphins. I had to remind him they’re in Miami.

On our way to dinner, we stopped outside of Harpo Studios because my LLF is a huge Oprah fan. Unfortunately, there were no Oprah sightings. Not even at the nearest Dunkin Donuts... kidding.

To conclude our visit, on Tuesday we went to a water park near my home before they were scheduled to leave for the airport. Andy didn’t join us though because he didn’t want to see all those hot women in bikinis. A model husband is what he is. His compliments to me this weekend were as follows:

“ooh! That sunburn is looking purple! Is that normal?” –No, I would say purple skin tone is borderline 3rd degree burns.

“You know what the problem is, you sit weird so your shirt gaps at an angle. That’s why your sunburn isn’t symmetrical” – So should I have just gone around flashing innocent bystanders?

“Your face is all shiney.” – It’s called sweat, dear.

Anyway, I have to admit I thought our reunion might be a little awkward but it wasn’t at all. It was almost as if our lack of contact was only the length of one summer. She had some great memories of our childhood/early teen years and was able to fill in some memory gaps I had. We were also able to catch up on our current ventures, she has 2 kids a husband, is a teacher of school teachers, I have 2 dogs, an Andy, nutter coworkers and no life.

I'm glad she contacted me and we were able resume our friendship. I hope she enjoyed her visit and I thank her because it allowed Andy and I to enjoy Chicago again so we felt like we went somewhere too.

I did subject her to an interview which I will post next week but for now, this is a picture of a crackhead rhino-turtle. Can you see the turtle, little Jimmy?

Announcement!

Our Sunday Comic comes back this Sunday with the conclusion of "Bee n' Andy: Married and sometimes, still in love..."- Last resort babysitters.

Thank you and please come again!

Brian’s fear of spiders is justified plus stuffing my drawers.

So, did you miss me? Maybe you didn’t even notice I was gone? Niiiice thanks a lot people!

Anyway, more on my vacation later.

Andy holding Big Willy formerly known as The Sears Tower:

Today I’d like to say that I am now on the “Spiders-are-evil-emissaries-of-death!” bandwagon.

My Long Lost Friend and I were enjoying a nice little bonfire on Sunday night. There was a nice breeze, it wasn't too cold or too warm, the memories were flowing- minus the booze...

When the fire started dying down, I got up and went to get some homemade firewood (homemade firewood is wood you grow yourself and then mother nature comes along and decides to rip your wood plants in half) that we had stacked near our fence. It was dark, I couldn’t see very well so I blindly sifted through the wood pile looking for some nice thick pieces.

In that small amount of time, I was apparently being scaled like Mount Everest by ninja spiders because I have about 7 large spider bites on my legs, toes and feet.

Since things in my life can’t ever be of the normal variety, these spider bites are currently bubbling up and a resembling the alps.I get hotter and hotter every day.

I really wish I was exaggerating.

For all you know, these paragraphs may be the last thing I write before foaming at the mouth and going into seizures that will have me biting off my head, or worse, buying a jumpsuit.

It’s funny because, after all the gardening I’ve done over the years, I have never been attacked by the spider militia. Mosquitos, bees, squirrels, angry parents, those I'm used to but not spiders.

Then I went on Bad Spider Bites and talk about scaring the ever lovin crap out of myself! ::shiver!::

Okay I'm going to change the subject now.

I returned to the Asylum today and everybody seemed super happy to see me. That was such a weird feeling. Kind of a cross between drinking warm cider and vinegar. Anyway, later in the day, I got a little hungry. I opened my drawer to pull out the bag of Cheetos I keep in case of emergencies imagine my surprise when it wasn't there.

I asked around but nobody admitted to ransacking my snack drawer. I went to Glynda and asked her too, just in case. Her response "Let me ask OZ. He sometimes snoops in people's drawers" she came back later with $2.

OZ ATE MY CHEETOS!

What kind of mean MOFO does that? Seriously! I can't leave for 2 days without people taking my stuff. I'm gonna load my drawers with tampons and douches... not that I have a problem, okay? I'm just thinking that'll keep him outta my drawers.

Well that's about it- OH YEAH! For those of you who follow So You Think You Can Dance, if freakin Kayla/Shayla/Layla whatever the hell her name is doesn't get booted off this week I am going to have a fit! She should have been gone last week but nobody can seem to see her clumsy flopping around the floor when she does her solos. I need to hurry up and finish my mind control machine.

Glass half full?

So I know I'm supposed to do reruns but then I read back on my shi-stuff and I'm too embarrassed to repost such lameness soooooooo...

We went to the zoo on Sunday whereupon we saw this sign.

The way I see it, there are 2 kinds of people. Those that think.

"Holy crap! I guess my sex life could be worse!"

or

"Dammit! Even hippos are having more fun than I am!"

 

Which are you?