Sugar n' spice and everything nice...

-Day 9. My brain is too tired to have any delusions. Nope! Nothing but sane thoughts. I think I'll pay the bills while I'm still able to add and subtract.-

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Well, I watched niece Natalia again.

I'm exhausted.

I made waffles, drove her to school, ran errands, cleaned the house, picked her up, fed her again, cooked dinner, made a fool out of myself trying to play Guitar Hero III. They kept booing me off the stage! Bastards.

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Anyway, the question of the day, from the 4 AND A HALF year old, was "what did people do before bathrooms were invented?"
I went on to explain about outhouses and holes in the ground and all that crappola. My fear was she was going to ask me what people did before toilet paper, luckily, she just nodded as if everything made total sense.

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I wanted to cover my butt in case she asked another bathroom related question like "who invented it" or "who had the first one" and came upon these pictures doing my research.

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This one would scare the... well, you know.

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I don't think I could over go in this one. EVER!

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Hmmmmm... I keep picturing this one in a brothel for some reason. Not that I've ever been to one.

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What would we do without the Internet? Our life would be lacking in weirdness.

Carry on.

Kids these days.

-Day 8. Today is a sane day.
I ate a mango and watched the lightening illuminate my dead garden. I saw the fairies taunting me while they danced in the rain. The tall one seems to be their leader. Did I say it was a sane day?-

So... I have the honor of watching Natalia this week, she came with me for a half day of work on Monday (insisted on a paycheck) and I've realized I'm no match for a 4 year old, excuse me- 4 AND A HALF year old.
We came home, did the usual lunch thing of chicken nuggets and apple juice but she wanted to watch Shrek 3 (the things I do for that child) while she ate. She kept singing something I thought was "Barracuda" but... Nah! It couldn't be! Low and behold... what is the song the princesses are singing when they help free the kingdom?

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If you guessed "Barracuda" by Heart, you win the Dust Bunny prize. To say I was surprised this song was a part of a child's movie is putting it mildly. Picture me sitting on a high stool (looking beautiful of course) (in my bleached out AC/DC T-shirt and tattered sweatpants) (blue not purple) trying to keep my balance as Snow White started screeching AAH-AAAh AAAAAAA-AH!! Barracuda???Seriously????

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She took a nap and when she got up wanted to watch Noggin.
They sang a song that went like this: "Winter wonderland blah blah blah if your friends throw you a snowball respond Quid Pro Quo".
They said "Quid Pro Quo"! On a channel for small children!!
Why am I upset? Because if the little one would have heard this (luckily she was playing her piano) she would have asked me what that meant.

It's not that I don't know what that means, it's just that I don't know when to stop on definitions/explanations. They can go an on, which can lead to more questions which may end up in me calling my sister to say "Sorry Nancy, Natalia now thinks we never actually landed on the moon. I don't know where she gets these conspiracy theories..."

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Child interaction is hard.
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I was talking to my SIL Esmeralda, who is a 5th grade public school teacher (IN THE SOUTH SIDE OF CHICAGO), and she told me something disturbing.

She asked her class to write down some New Year resolutions and two little girls wrote down "to lose weight"... WTF!!

These little girls are 10. TEN!

At 10 I was... uh... I don't remember but I'm damn sure I wasn't thinking about my weight! Why are kids growing up so quickly? It's scary what insecurities they're having before they've even hit puberty! ::sad sigh::
People that deal with kids (parents, teachers) have my respect, I have no idea how I would handle a situation like that.

No. Idea.

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Anyway, here is Natalia as Andy's biggest fan. I gave him Guitar Hero III for Christmas.

She currently likes country music cuz her daddy's from Texas but we'll get her to rock out to Metallica, Nirvana and Guns and Roses! BWAHAHAHA!!

If you're thinking you should keep your kids away from my psycho-ness, I say good idea.
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Quick shout out to mother-freakin'-nature! Thanks for giving us the double flip off by having us on flood watch! No rain please, send us snow!! (bitch)

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Don't know the Barracuda song I'm referring to? Click below.

Nice lazy day...

-Day 7. I've been having strange conversations with the other me, you know the one right? The reflection I saw the other day? She's trying to talk me into switching places with her and keeps telling me there are free shoes in her world. The 2 ounces of sane-brain I have left tells me it might be a trick and all the shoes might be 2 sizes too big for me. I'm still thinking about it...-

So...

I've been a total couch potato today. A couch sweet potato would describe me best.

But!

I'm calling it research to keep you informed on the evilness that's on TV during the weekends.

You see, I've discovered that the TV likes to torture me. When I'm not watching American Next Top Model and True Life marathons the crap commercials I'm subjected to range from previews of "Scott Baio 45 and pregnant" [::gag::] or the next "Rock of Love" [::mega-gag!::].

Then there are those commercials that want you to get off your ass and workout with this or that new exercise equipment which make me feel guilty... but the next commercial is all about fatty foods so I'm back to feeling hungry.

Instead I stay right where I am. I have to be strong!

To be a serious couch potato I have to resist the urge to get up for any of those things. No temptations will break my spirit!

Do you want to know what the saddest part is? It was practically springtime here in Chicagoland, 60 degrees!

Another commercial just came on asking me to order a video for Crunchless Abs, yeah right! If I try to do any ab workouts my abs will be crunching all over the place... and not in a good way! I think I'll stay right where I am!