Dontcha wish your wife was crazy like me? Dontcha?

-DAY 99.-
So... as the dutiful, loving, submissive wife I am, I bought Andy his headphones.


You all know how much I love him right?
I mean, if I ever need someone to watch my back in a dark alley... well, that would be my sister Nancy (even while pregnant).
If I ever need someone to guard my body (as in BODYGUARD)... uh, that would be one of the brothers or all three.
My Andy? He uh... well he's a cutie and looks pretty when he smiles!
Anyway, the first thing I thought of was The Great Gazoo:
Sorry babe!


These headphones are supposed to be super high tech and make waffles on Saturdays.
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Here is my question, if they're so damn cooliyo, WHY CAN I HEAR THE OTHER TURKEYS HE'S TALKING TO??
I hear them clearly!!
By the way, that bitch I hear on the other end? She better know not to make googlie voices at him cuz I'll hunt her down and spear her like the troll she is!
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Sorry, I got distracted. Where was I?
Oh yeah. he can also hear me!
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There I was, doing my evening ritual of swearing up a storm and threatening the dogs with putting them up for adoption and he kept asking "What? Putting who up for adoption?" or "Did you just call Mocha a wiener holder?" or "I know you just didn't call me a pimple on the ass of humanity!!"
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Can't a girl have some privacy in her own living space??
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Here's a secret picture of his dungeon. Do you see all his comics? There's about 20 boxes under that! Do you see where the arrow is pointing? That's his shelf of dolls action figures.



Here's a picture of the evil genius who destroyed his first set (pair?) of headphones!
Bad! Bad Tazzer the Destroyer!!

What's that?
You'd like to see a close up of his evil eye??


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P.S.
As a gift to me on my near 100 post this year, I'd like you to go to Diesel's and vote for my caption!! Please please please!!! I'll get a free book if I win!!!
Granted, the other ones are funnier but I would be so happy to win. So happy I just might share the love with you guys. And by share I mean laugh at you because you don't have a new free awesome book!
Come on! You know you want to. Go HERE!

P.P.S.
Why is Puff Daddy Diddlio still making TV shows?? Raise your hand in the air if you still cay-air? (P. Diddy, if your reading this, I didn't mean you.)

My threats are 47%- 56%- uh… 87% of the time idle. + Mariah Carey as my role model.

-Day 98- All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.- Aristotle
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Okay, I’ve been having a tough couple of weeks here at Arkham Asylum.
I alternate between pulling my hair out, grinding my teeth, biting my lip, and just plain running around screaming “You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone cuz you won’t have someone to SHIT ON!”
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I’ve also said “The only thing keeping me here are the gas prices!”
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And “I should go work at the Zoo, at least its smells better!”
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Why people take me seriously is beyond my comprehension.
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To top it all off… MY FREAKIN’ COFFEE HAS BEEN GIVING ME HEARTBURN!
The cosmos are all lined up to make my life as unpleasant as possible!
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On a positive note, my garden is ready for the future little bug attractors to be planted!
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I got an email from somebody asking why I had to do Fuck Off Fridays On A Saturday.
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Why not make it “Get Bent Saturdays” that way you won’t have to curse so much.
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Ummmmm... huh! Well, I don’t think I curse enough as it is. I restrain myself as much as I can by saying “dang it to googlie!” I don’t feel the need to substitute Fuck off Fridays with anything that will not express my frustrations properly.
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Besides, the beauty lies in the “Fffffff”. There is no day of the week that starts with a "G". If you can get someone to change a day of the week to Getbentday. I’ll reconsider.
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Monday Tuesday Getbentday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday.
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You know what?? That has a nice ring to it! Who do I have to talk to to change the names of the days of the week? The pope? Cuz I’ll do it! I'd be able to say the following:
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“Oh! I see my doctor’s appointment is on Getbentday! I’m going to have to shower! Dang it to googlie!”
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“What day of the week is your birthday?” “Getbentday.”
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“Don’t worry boss, I’ll have this report done by Getbentday!”
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I smell a new Bee Campaign where I ask people to sign my petition!
Who’s with me??
I want all your signatures by Getbentday. fffffffff

P.S.

PLEASE CLICK ON HUMOR-BLOGS!

I have a little piece of information for you that will have Einstein rolling over in his grave and Brian rolling over on his couch.
Mariah Carey. Is naming her new album:


YES SHE SURE IS!!
E=MC2

She says it means "(E) Emancipation (=)of (MC) Mariah Carey (²) to the second power".[
This, after she brought us the masterpiece which was "Glitter". Then had a nervous breakdown!
Brother Dan (he loves her) had to point out that she has outsold Elvis. I had to point out that Elvis is, you know, DEAD! (or at least not putting out any more albums)
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Good news Britney! You too can outsell Elvis after you come back from your breakdown! Let Mariah be your role model.


Break the Ice

What lies beneath...

-Day 97.-

Charlton Heston Died.

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Damn dirty apes!!

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I'm sleepy, going to bed now.