A new spin on blaming the dog.

-Day 96-
Quick one today.
Andy is saving his "allowance" to buy a new set (pair?) of headphones. Turns out his are broken but we cannot agree on who is the culprit.
I leave it up to you, the mostest smartest of readers, to decide.

Let me set the scene for you.

Bee, walks in to the kitchen after a long hard day at work. Andy stomps out of his dungeon ready for a battle.

Andy:
Your fucken' dog broke my headphones! [my fucken' dog is Tazz the Destroyer]

Bee:
What? How? [concerned, thinking Tazz shredded them or used them as a trampoline]

Andy:
My brother was petting him then he went nuts and tried to attack us!

[Up until now, I'm not surprised because Tazz is INSANE]

Andy:
Then I had to throw my headphones at him so he'd stop! I missed and they landed on the floor!

Bee:
... [trying to keep a straight face since he's obviously FURIOUS!] Uh... you know, that really wouldn't be Tazz's fault.

Andy:
WHAT!? WHAT?! Are you kidding me? Are you freakin' kidding me right now???

Bee:
The way I see it, you, AS THE HUMAN, should have known better than to throw an expensive piece of equipment at a... dog.

Andy:
[starts pacing and shaking his head, looking at me as if I have finally lost my mind] I knew it! I knew you wouldn't see it my way! I KNEW YOU'D SAY IT'S MY FAULT!
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Bee:
BWAHAHAHAHA! DAMN MY HABIT FOR POINTING OUT THE ABSURD!
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He walked away mumbling something about the pros and cons of moving back in with his parents.

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P.S.
My niece's birthday was Saturday, her actual celebration has been postponed for July, so she can have one of those weird air filled castle-like structure things, but we had a blast at her Rock Band Party. Number of kids, 1 (Natalia) number of adults (12. ALL OF THEM INSANE! except for Nana).

My hate for you is everlasting.

-Day 95.-
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I have to warn you guys that I had another one of those super craptacular days that makes me grind my teeth while smacking my forehead.
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I don't know why I don't heed the signs that tell me I should just turn my happy ass around and go back home to hide under my bed.
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So... some bloggers have weekly things they do like Wordless Wednesdays (Offended Blogger-jean knee) Everyone Can Bite Me Fridays (Suzy) and Silly Saturdays (NCS). I decided to do my own.
Mine will be "FUCK OFF FRIDAYS ON A SATURDAY!" now you know to avoid me on Saturdays if you're pure of heart.
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I don't want to relive my whole sucky-ass-fucken day so I'll just give you the highlights.
-To the victim that decided he wanted to cross in the middle of the street, right in front of my car, while I was doing 30 miles an hour and then got mad when I didn't stop making him have to wait therefore flipping me off, FUCK OFF!
I'm in a 20 ton vehicle ya' bastard!
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-To the patient who was in the waiting room that decided to take out his frustrations on having a small dick by swearing at me (while I was watching the desk for a minute) because the doctor was half an hour late, FUCK OFF!!
I know I pretty much said that to your face when I told you to 'sit down or leave!' but now I'm telling the interworldwideweb about your lack of balls. How do you like me now asshole??
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-To the attorney who sent payment on an account minus a few zeros and told OZ that's what I had agreed to, FUCK OFF!
Who do you think he's going to believe? I hope you liked getting sandbagged when he put you on a conference call without telling you I was sitting next to him, listening. Surprise! How did it make you feel when OZ asked 'Are you speaking the truth or should we call the disciplinary board and report this as fraud?' Ha ha! You didn't count on him being crazier than I am, did ya'! So sad for you scumbag!
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I'm not done but I'm tired so I'll just let the hate fester inside of me and marinate until I explode another day.
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No need to try to make me feel better cuz I'm just venting. I'm sure I'll be aces later.
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You know, I changed my mind. Please make me feel better by clicking on Humor-Blogs.

P.S.
The one highlight was when I was driving home and had my windows and sun-roof open, listening to my tires crunch on gravel. Spring is here!

Almost 7 years and we could be unhappier!♥

-Day 94.- Quote of the 'effing day! Katie from the Real World Road Rules (yeah I still watch it and I'll probably be watching it when I'm in my 80s, so?)
"If I'm gonna talk shit about you? I like to see the reaction on your fucken face when I say it!"
That had me in stitches! Especially because I had just told Milton something along those lines after our morning meeting regarding all the office back stabbing!
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I realized today that my anniversary is in 12 days! TWELVE!!
The hubs and I will have been married for seven long years.
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I think our relationship is doing okay. We have our crazy blow out fights where I call him a brain donor and he calls me a vicious harpie but then we take those insults and turn them into compliments and then kiss and make up. So alls good.
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I'm always amused when people who've been married longer (or even those who've been married a shorter time than we have) give us advice.

I think they forget that I am nothing like them. Andy also dances to the tune of his own drummer, a drummer that is always on an acid trip, a really bad acid trip, one where they chew the side of their face for FUN!
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Anyway, the only way we could be called a perfect couple is if we're compared to Sid and Nancy. We're about two steps up from them. Except for the beating, everyone needs a good beating every once in a while.
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They say to me "Oh, you guys are still young and in love. Give it a few more years and you'll really fight!"

You mean, it's gonna get worse? I have to keep buying dinner plates because they end up shattered to pieces and part of my mosaic project. To be honest, they're in the back porch waiting for me to LEARN the Art of Mosaic. I'll be famous one day.
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One of my favorites is "You should let him win an argument every once in a while." To those people I say, you don't know my Andy. In his head, he always wins the arguments.
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What I don't understand is, why? Why give me advice if I don't ask for it?

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Unlike the other people that don't know what they're talking about, you can listen to my advice because I know it all. Here's a list of things I've learned about Andy... and men in general.

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Print this list and put it somewhere where you'll see it. Better yet, memorize it and learn from my experiences.

Ready?
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1) Make him think everything is his idea.
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Yup! That's it!

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Also, he's a terrified of 18 pound Tazzer the Carnivorous.
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P.S.
Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' daughter Scouterella (I'm not sure what her name is but I know one of 'em is named Scout) came out in a show called Miss Guided. Does anyone else feel sad because she's so unattractive? Was that mean of me to say? Oh well, I calls 'em as I sees 'em!