Monday, October 27, 2008

Tighty Whities Should Be Outlawed Under Penalty of No More Fun For Your Goody Bits!


Quick reminder.

I, Bee Lastname, am NOT a doctor, nurse, physician's assistant, physical therapist, radiologist, candy striper (or Candy the Stripper who moonlights as a hooker) or any other titled profession you can think of that needs to see you without pants.

I am simply an overworked business office chick who demands money from insurance companies and lawyers. Just because I have the dual language thing going for me that gives me the extreme pleasure of translating for my non English speaking paisanos, this little skill does not -DOES NOT- give you the right to flash your saggy tighty whities in my face while showing off your chicken legs. No!

Grab the back of the gown and be ashamed of your body like the rest of us!

Now I need to go bleach out my eyes.

Unless... you're a really hot guy (same rule applies as the boob grabbing)(remember the boob grabber??) and let's be real here people! When, oh when, would I ever be that lucky?

Here's something else I found out yesterday. People like squirrels!!! Don't you know how vicious they are? Sure, they can look all cute and cuddly but I can tell you with certainty because I live in a forest-like area, they are horrible little creatures that would snack on your eyes if you fall asleep on a hammock.

If that doesn't scare you, how about if they took your BEER???

It's for the good of humanity!



  1. I'm down with you! (that's what she said) No more tighty whities. Well, except for my son, but those have cartoon characters on them so they're not so "whitie" you know? Also? Did you know there's a college basketball team that are called the "fighting whities"? They made it to the top 24 in NCAA basketball a few years ago. People were swinging fruit of the looms in the crowd. I could not stomach that at all. You KNOW not everyone bought a fresh pair for the game.

  2. Maybe you'll get lucky and Brad Pitt will show up!

    I bet he wears no undies ;)

  3. Squirrels are EEEVVVVVILLLLLLLLL!
    They get inside your house and scratch the inside of it for hours >:(

  4. That said, you should never ever take their winter nut supply which the have lovingly saved in special magical places around the forest.

    The Forest Fairies are watching and they don't take the de-nutting of the "puppies of the forest" (that's what Forest Fairies call squirrels) kindly.

    OH NO they don't. When you do, they punish offenders by having Paul Giamatti show up at their place of work and flash their saggy tighty.
    And then more.


  5. Woo hoo! SEVENTH, bitches!!

    You know what I want? An underwear-wearing squirrel with the good taste to choose the smooth, easy taste of Bud. That would be super awesome, because I think I could get that squirrel on the talk show circuit and then I'd be rich. Sort of.

  6. The American squirrels aren't liked over here, because they're killing off our native squirrels, which are a different colour.

    Perhaps you should keep some at work, then if someone flashes their "whities" at you, you can shove a squirrel down them...

  7. For the Love of mean my beers not safe anymore? what is this world coming too??

  8. OK, OK, OK..

    First off, if it weren't for the tighty-whitey, there'd be no realy reason to beware of skidmarks! I mean, this is the reason that whiteys were kept around.. They're training undies!

    Squirrels are fine as well, as long as they're in someone else's yard.

    This is the major reason that I keep two big dogs! One, so I can laugh my butt off when the dogs run and chase the squirrels around the yard (squirrels on top of the fence, dogs in the yard running madly around). And two, so I can see just how much crap they can do to my neighbor'd yard.

    If that guy were ever to leave his yard alone for a year, he'd have at least six walnut trees started by the end of it!

    Oh, and they're more than welcome to the beer. I'll stick to my seven and seven, thanks!

  9. TIghty whities are nothing more than a comfort item. They are not to be shown off proudly, actually all men's underwear is unattractive. Hell, maybe I'll take to not wearing any.

  10. i believe i am in love with the title of this post.

  11. No! Not the beer! This is war now. I'm off to pack some little, bags and rent a bus. I'll take care of this. I'm dropping all the squirrels over at Jen's place.

    I only do boxers. Because that question was just eating away at you, I could tell.

  12. If you travel to Europe and the airlines loses your luggage the airline give you these unisex type unders. Like tightie whities but no flap.

    They are much more comfy than women's underwear which tend to creep up on me.

  13. my grandma's next door neighbor had a pet squirrell he was always showing off to us kids. One time it bit his finger off right while we were watching. Mysteriously we never saw that squirrel again

    the guy's name was Mr. Pearl

  14. What about armed squirrels with hideous white pants? The world needs to know of this threat.

    So ... you get minging guys flashing their undies at you, AND rodents drink your beer?

    My heart is broken.

  15. I'm with you about the tighty whities! They are sooooo gross!

  16. I go for the wide bell bottom undies. They're 70s retro...

  17. Don't waer underwaer so I couldn't offend ya.

    I talk to squirrels and I know they understand me.

  18. Um, I guess my first question has to be..who the hell flashed their tighty whities at you and got your tighty whities all in a wad? (teehee)

    Also, I happen to like squirrels. The hubs gets mad at me cause when I'm driving, if I see one in the road, I start blowing the horn, slowing down, and yelling like a crazy person, all so that I won't run the little bugger over.
    It's the ripples Bee. Think of the ripples.

  19. Psst, there's an award for you at my place.

  20. Apparently they killed 20,000 American squirrels in the North of England last winter in an effort to save the British red squirrels from extinction. I don't know whether they're planning a similar event this year, but I think you ought to investigate the possibility - it could be your ideal job...

  21. I like squirrels, but not tighty whities. Unless they are on David Beckham or George Clooney. Then, bring on the fruit of the looms!

  22. BEE! We prefer bluesy loosies! (An I don't just mean underwear!)

    Oh - we fixed the uni-browless Jonas Brothers just for you. I tried to post it here but it wouldn't accept html :( So check out the comments on the Jonas Brothers article!

  23. Aw Bee, if the squirrels attack you, its only because they think you're nuts. I'm sure its nothing personal. :>)

  24. We are coming to get you Bee!

  25. I wear boxer briefs...

  26. I absolutely loathe tighty whities. If Risky Business came out now I would literally hate Tom Cruise -- okay, more than I already do.

    And who the hell was feeling sorry for those obnoxious squirrels?!! :D

  27. BEEEEEE! It's Wednesday! WHere are you?


    I told you not to mess with them nuts!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.