Don't hate me because I'm beautiful and have the best skin tone and am awesome and things look naturally good on me and because I'm conceited.

Scene:

Andy and Bee sitting in their respective TV watching sofa/chairs stuffing their faces with chocolate cake.

Bee: Man, I don't know why but it feels like ACS tired me out more than usual today!

Andy: Chocolate cake makes everything better!

Bee: True! I think I'm gonna quit ACS, though.

Andy: Why? I thought you loved working there!

Bee: I do! But... all the clothes in stock looks too good on me.

Andy: Wow!

Bee: I know! Take for example the new shipment that came in--

Andy: No. I mean "wow" what an ego you're carrying!

Bee: What do you mean? I'm just being honest!

Andy: I'm sure you are. Do you have to buy an extra ticket when you go to the movies? One for you and one for your giant ego?? [laughs hysterically]

Bee: [evil squinty eyes] Are you calling me fat?

Andy: [panicked face, eyes wide open] WHAT?? NO! NO, NOT ALL NO!

Bee: [looking at nails] Then what is that crack about an extra seat at the movies?

Andy: OH GOD NO! I was just making a joke about your ego!

Bee: [sadly nods head] You hurt my feelings.

Andy: Babe, I seriously only meant EGO.

Bee: ... It was mean.

Andy: [wraps me up in bear hug] You know what? Why don't you buy yourself something nice tomorrow? Maybe a nice shirt? Would that make you feel better??

Bee: [instantly happy!] OKAY!

Ladies, you have much to learn from me.

What's in the box??

So we watched The Box tonight. It sat on top of our coffee table for almost 2 weeks because Andy and I were too chicken shit busy to watch it.

We finally gathered some balls made some time and watched it.

I have a couple of problems with this movie. The first one is not that I wish Cameron Diaz had not pushed the button but more like I wish she and the other actors plus whoever decided to make this movie had instead gone for a nice walk on the beach, maybe had a corn dog while sitting on a blanket and enjoying the sunset.

But no. Instead some guy went into a room and sat in front of a typewriter and some time later the result ended up in my home. Where it gathered dust because I mistook it for a horror film when in reality it is just horrible. 

Secondly, who allows a guy looking like this into their home? 

I mean, I'd be like "poor guy!" but I'd think it as I'm double bolting my door and loading my shot gun and dialing 911 because you never know how his *accident* happened. Did he try stealing plutonium so he could build a time machine so he may travel back in time to get the winning lottery numbers so he could have enough funds to invent Call of Duty the most annoying game in the whole freaking world because your husband loves to yell obscenities at the TV while you're trying to listen to some soothing Jazz? I don't know! Therefore I will not engage.

After doing some research, I found out this movie was sorta based on a Twilight Zone episode. I'd like to have seen that instead because losing 30 minutes seems like a better idea.

Also, it seems that all the couples that were in receipt of *The Box* had one thing in common, the wife was the one who pushes the button! What. The. Fuck? Sure we like our shoes, purses, clothes and jewelry but that doesn't mean we're going to off someone at the first chance we get! And the way they pushed the button was even more insulting!

Wife: [in a breathy Marilyn Monroe voice] I'm gonna push it sweetums.

Husband: I don't know, wife. What if we can't live with our conscience?? What if--

Wife: Oopsie! I pushed it! hee hee hee!

Here's what I think of that:

How does a girl spend a Friday night when her husband is at his parent's house fiddling with that new fangled invention called *electricity*?

Well, to start with, I had to work at ACS until about 8:30. Once I left work, I headed to my friendly neighborhood Walgreen's, of which my neighborhood boasts of 4 within a 5 mile radius just in case somebody needs hemorrhoid ointment STAT!, to pick up some uh, personal items.

First I made my way to the refrigerated section to pick up a slice of carrot cake for my Andy because he loves them and my life's all about Andy. I then headed to the uh, personal aisle to pick up those personal items I mentioned that are secret and personal. As I stepped into the aisle, I saw a man waaaaaay at the end looking pensive. When I got closer, he tensed and crabbed walked out. You know what I mean by 'crabbed walked' right? I mean he didn't turn around one way or another and just kind side step-side-step-side stepped out of the aisle. I was like WTF dude? and that's when I noticed he was standing in front of the condom-slash-personal lubricant section.

I immediately felt bad because, here I was with my buy one jumbo pack of panty liners, get one free jumbo pack of panty liners coupon that was going to expire that same day and he thought I would judge him. Awww! Before I could pick up my jumbo pack of panty liners, so much for the "personal secret items", my sister called with a hot tip on a super effective deodorant so I walked out of the aisle and went on a search of that mythical deodorant. After I scoured the deodorant aisle and came up empty, TYPICAL, I made my way back to the personal aisle. This time, from the other end. The end that had the personal lubricant-slash-condom section and standing before me was the same dude that scurried out earlier. He tensed again and I walked past him quickly trying to convey that he could continue on with his research and I wasn't going to judge him and I even picked up my jumbo pack of panty liners and my free jumbo pack of panty liners and raised them up in the air as if to say "look! we can both coexists in this aisle buying things that embarrasses us--" but before I could finish my silent communication, he sighed in frustration and left.

When I told Andy the story, his response was typically male:

"Good goin', Bee! You just cock blocked the poor guy!"

And so that's what a girl does on a Friday night when her husband isn't home. She cock blocks random strangers.

 

Oh, she also bought a Bumpit and tried to make it work on her head and then decided her head was abnormally shaped so she gave up and had some chocolate instead.

 

Who needs to have perfectly bumped up hair anyway??