A year closer to adult diapers and stranger's crotches.

So today is my friend Brian's birthday. For those of you who don't know, Brian is British which is probably why he's always all proper and gentleman-like. Because it's his birthday, I've decided to be a lady and not post anything uhm unladylike.

I won't tell you guys how, today at ACS, I was put in charge of the rainbow panty carrousel. You ladies know what I'm talking about right? The table where they lay the panties in a fanned out position according to size and color? No, I won't tell you guys about that because Brian will be too embarrassed to say anything and will probably hide in a corner.

As I was aligning crotches, I got to wondering if people wash the underwear they buy before wearing them. I mean, there I was, a complete stranger, getting to third base with your future undies.

Anyway, Brian isn't celebrating his birthday on the actual day like normal people (probably because he's British) instead he will celebrate on the fifth which is weird cuz that's my dad's birthday so I guess I'll just have to wait a day before I can say HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN!

British people are so weird.

In the immortal words of Kool and the Gang...

CE----LE-BRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!!

Today is Brian's Birthday. You may know him as the wise crackin' British dude that likes mocking me on a DAILY BASIS. Okay, maybe not a daily basis because I don't post everyday. No, now that I think of it, it is daily because he will sometimes send me emails such as these:

"IKEA = Hell.... apart from the Swedish meatballs."

I know! How rude, right?  But that's British people for you.

Anyway, last year, I made it known that he was responsible for the Bears losing the Superbowl in '07 because they played on his birthday. (Dan still hasn't forgiven him.)

He holds the dubious honor of being my oldest blog friend that transitioned into real-life-ship. He has seen this place go from ranting, happiness, sadness, weirdness, bizarreness, to whatthefuckness, then to hunger and then to sleepiness... that's probably why he thinks he has the right to say such horrid things about my IKEA.

I feel like he should get some type of medal for putting up with almost 2 years of Bee his birthday but I really suck at photoshopping but I tried my best anyway.

I hope you like it Brian. I felt like a cross between Buffalo Bill and Hannibal Lecter in the making of this medal. Oh, and dont take it personally that she looks a little scared. She just noticed that spider on your shoulder.

Please join me in wishing my dear friend Brian a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

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In other news, my sister Nancy starts her new job today. She'd been out of work since March of 2008 so she's a tad nervous about reentering the work world. Being the awesome big sister I am, I decided to give her a list of things to avoid so she won't become the office prison bitch.

1-

Take down the leader. This will be the one lady who smiles at you first and wants to "show you around" and then gives you the gossip of the land.

2-

Just because your coworkers have one foot in the grave, do not- DO NOT offer to run the office errands. Let the old biddies exercise their arthritic legs and get the 50lb box of paper themselves.

3-

If they ask for a volunteer to learn somebody else's desk just in case the back up person isn't there, PRETEND YOU'RE HARD OF HEARING and look at your feet (then buy some shoes).

4-

Do not, under any circumstances, have a better relationship with your boss than your supervisor. Unless you want your supervisor to dump extra work on you and then shorten your deadlines.

5-

Try to get along with everybody but don't trust anybody. They are all just waiting stick you in the ass. Except...

6-

... the cool, smartass, short chick. Try to become her best friend and stay on her good side otherwise you might be featured on her blog.

If you have any, please add them to the list.

Congrats Little Sister!! :o)