Me to myself “Okay, Bee, today is Tuesday. You got through Monday without any threats to first degree homicide anybody so you can get through Tuesday! You can do it! You can do it! YOU CAN DO IT!!”
Just then Glynda walks in: I need to inform everybody that Scarecrow has herpes of the mouth. She is not at the moment contagious but she will be once it starts weeping so be careful with the things you touch.”
Me: Uhhhhhhh why is she here and not under bio-hazard arrest?
Because that is what we always expect from management, a fucking shrug!
Me: Can you make sure she doesn’t go around touching everything in sight? Maybe sticks to the phone in her X-Ray room?
Glynda [another fucking shrug]: Just don’t touch your mouth/eyes/nose.
Do you guys know how hard it is to keep from tapping your lips when you’re thinking? I mean, I’m not saying I rely solely on this method to coax answers outta my brain but it is a habit, I have to tap-tap-tap my fingers over my lips as if I was playing a flute.
Me: I don’t mean to sound insensitive but it’s just that I went all these years trying not to catch any type of crazy diseases so I’m a little worried!
Glynda: You’ll be fine as long as you disinfect your hands every time you come back to your desk. Try really hard not to touch your face.
Do you guys know how badly a nose starts itching once it knows (pun pun pun!) you can’t touch it?
Scarecrow, I don’t know what you did to get herpes of the mouth but I hope it was worth it!