Wednesday, March 23, 2011

3 Scoops of crazy


So, yesterday was a quiet day at the Asylum. OZ is on vaca which means no Tinman, patients or URGENT ISSUES THAT NEED TO HAVE BEEN TAKEN CARE OF YESTERDAY. Cowardly Lion took a vacation day too so it was just Milton, Glynda, Scarecrow and I in the office. I didn’t think anything could possibly go wrong or “Asylum-y” because how much can happen when there are only FOUR people in the office?


Milton: I was going to make coffee but I realized you were the only coffee drinker in today. [pause] [clears throat] [stares at me]

Me: And?

Milton: Well, I was wondering if you just wanted to walk to the gas station [clears throat] and buy yourself a coffee instead of me making a [clears throat] whole pot just for you.

Me: So, instead of having free coffee that doesn’t involve me leaving the office, you want me to trudge through the mud and pay for my coffee? No. I think I’ll go with option easy and have the office coffee. I can make the coffee if it’s too much trouble!

Milton: No, it’s not just that. I don’t see why we should make a whole pot when you’ll only have about 2 cups. [pause] [clears throat] [stares some more]

Me: Uh, can you just make 4 cups instead of 12?

Milton: Would you drink all 4 cups? [sits down and fires up her electronic calculator] Because I guess I can figure out how many scoops I’d have to use for 4 cups. [calculator noises] If we normally use 3 scoops for 12 cups [calculator noises] are you sure you can drink all 4 cups [calculator noises] because I can make 2 cups [calculator noises] after I figure out how many scoops I’d need for 4 cups [calculator paper feed noise]

… in the meantime, I had written down a big number *ONE* on a piece of paper and was waiting patiently for her to turn around…

Milton: I would have to use one scoop for 4 cups…

I flashed her the big number ONE I had written down.

Milton: If you knew that, why didn’t you tell me!

Me: you didn’t give me a chance!

Milton: I’ll just make half a scoop worth of coffee so it won’t go to waste.

Me: Will you make all 4 cups if I promise to lick every single drop out of the coffee pot? Even the condensation from the steam on the top of the machine?

Milton: There’s no call for such exaggeration!

Me: I’ll even squeeze all the liquid out of the coffee grounds.

Milton: Hurmpf! [stalks out of the room to make coffee]

I’ll be honest, at that point, I was over the need for coffee since I had just gotten my Asylum wake up call. What I really wanted was a big steaming cup of GETMETHEHELLOUTTAHERE!


  1. I drank coffee EVERY single day over spring break. One day I even had a starbucks at the hotel and instead of the sturdy starbucks cup they gave me styrofoam and when I put the lid on I pushed too hard and collapsed the cup. Cofee splashed everywhere all over the coffee cart and ground. Serves the loser right for trying to substitute that cheap environmentally unfit cup.

    did you drink all four cups?

  2. **runs away screaming**

    I'm so sorry, Bee. You poor thing.

  3. I'm shocked by the level of waste in your office - I'm sure you didn't need one whole piece of paper to write a single "1" on.

    You could also save vital supplies water and electricity and just eat the coffee.

  4. "Milton: There’s no call for such exaggeration!"


    Too funny!

  5. What the what? You should be able to have as much or as little coffee as your heart desires!

  6. "Bee's Musings" has been included in this weeks A Sunday Drive. I hope this helps to attract even more new visitors here.

    P.S.: I am sorry for the late notice. I got side-tracked, and I just got reminded of what I had failed to do it earlier.

  7. coffee is my world. i couldnt handle someone messing with me over coffee. that was funny. great post.


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