3 Scoops of crazy

So, yesterday was a quiet day at the Asylum. OZ is on vaca which means no Tinman, patients or URGENT ISSUES THAT NEED TO HAVE BEEN TAKEN CARE OF YESTERDAY. Cowardly Lion took a vacation day too so it was just Milton, Glynda, Scarecrow and I in the office. I didn’t think anything could possibly go wrong or “Asylum-y” because how much can happen when there are only FOUR people in the office?

Well…

Milton: I was going to make coffee but I realized you were the only coffee drinker in today. [pause] [clears throat] [stares at me]

Me: And?

Milton: Well, I was wondering if you just wanted to walk to the gas station [clears throat] and buy yourself a coffee instead of me making a [clears throat] whole pot just for you.

Me: So, instead of having free coffee that doesn’t involve me leaving the office, you want me to trudge through the mud and pay for my coffee? No. I think I’ll go with option easy and have the office coffee. I can make the coffee if it’s too much trouble!

Milton: No, it’s not just that. I don’t see why we should make a whole pot when you’ll only have about 2 cups. [pause] [clears throat] [stares some more]

Me: Uh, can you just make 4 cups instead of 12?

Milton: Would you drink all 4 cups? [sits down and fires up her electronic calculator] Because I guess I can figure out how many scoops I’d have to use for 4 cups. [calculator noises] If we normally use 3 scoops for 12 cups [calculator noises] are you sure you can drink all 4 cups [calculator noises] because I can make 2 cups [calculator noises] after I figure out how many scoops I’d need for 4 cups [calculator paper feed noise]

… in the meantime, I had written down a big number *ONE* on a piece of paper and was waiting patiently for her to turn around…

Milton: I would have to use one scoop for 4 cups…

I flashed her the big number ONE I had written down.

Milton: If you knew that, why didn’t you tell me!

Me: you didn’t give me a chance!

Milton: I’ll just make half a scoop worth of coffee so it won’t go to waste.

Me: Will you make all 4 cups if I promise to lick every single drop out of the coffee pot? Even the condensation from the steam on the top of the machine?

Milton: There’s no call for such exaggeration!

Me: I’ll even squeeze all the liquid out of the coffee grounds.

Milton: Hurmpf! [stalks out of the room to make coffee]

I’ll be honest, at that point, I was over the need for coffee since I had just gotten my Asylum wake up call. What I really wanted was a big steaming cup of GETMETHEHELLOUTTAHERE!