Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The compromises one makes in one's marriage will determine how well you sleep at night.

Hey, what's up? How've you been? You know what? Before you answer, let me tell you about last night. Not that I don't care about what you've been up to but this here blog is called "Bee's Musings" not "Everybody tell Bee about their lives because she really cares only she doesn't but she'll pretend to listen because she's all about being polite and shit." that title would NOT fit on the header thingie. So don't be rude and interrupt me, m'mkay?

For the past week and a half I have been completely obsessed and utterly hypnotized by a show called Dexter. There is something about watching a seemingly average, mild mannered man turn into a butchering monster and the only difference in his appearance are the shadows on his face. I have to admit I have a little bit of a crush on him.

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No, I have a huge GINORMOUS crush on him. I know he's a killer and all but I know I'd be safe. After all, I'm not too much of a bad person. He wouldn't harm me just because I love making fun of people. Words don't kill people, Dexter does.

dexter

Throughout my Dexter obsession, Andy has been a trooper and just rolled his eyes every once in a while when I've dreamily sighed after Dexter has dismembered yet another bad guy. We went through the first season pretty quickly and I put the second season in our Netflix Queue faster than you can say "chainsaw" but Andy had some conditions before I could watch the next season.

Well, just ONE condition actually. I had to give in so that I could got back to my Dexter.

His condition? That we watch the movie he put on our Nextflix Queue. A movie called Bitch Slap.

bitchslap

This is straight from IMBD:

When three curvaceous babes, stripper Trixe, business executive Hel, and the feisty ex-con Camero, arrive at a desert hideaway to steal a stash of diamonds from an underworld kingpin, things quickly spiral out of control. Allegiances are switched, truths are revealed, criminals are unmasked and nothing is quite what it seems as the fate of the world is precariously balanced among this trio of sexy femmes fatales. Written by Anonymous (why are you hiding you horn dog?)

Well. Erm. Okay?

Bee: Uh, where did you hear about this movie?

Andy [looks away]: Uhm, I watch a lot of trailers so this was one of them and it just looked... INTERESTING Yeah! That's it! It's an action adventure film and you know how I love "action" and "adventure"!

Bee: Mmmmhm. [stares at him with her Dexter starved eyes and then shrugs] put it on. No, wait. Let me get my ice cream [because ice cream washes away all the dirty].

So we sit down and the first scene is this:

 bitchslap2

And then the girls are diggin by moving one grain of sand at a time while their boobies nearly spill out of their tops.

bitchslap4 (left to right: Hel, Trixie, Camero)

Well damn! They should come help me dig my flower beds.

All that digging is making them hot, though, so they decide to cool off with a water fight. While their boobies nearly spill out of their tops.

bitchslap6

But then the girls get mad at each other because one makes out with the other so they fight! While their boobies nearly spill out of their tops.

bitchslap5

Sadly, one dies (sorry if I ruined part of the movie for you!). While her boobies nearly spill out of her top.

bitchslap3 (I think this was Andy's favorite.)

I won't ruin the end for you because I don't want you to track me down just so you can Bitch Slap me so I'll just share some of my favorite quotes from the movie:

"Camero: I'm gonna booty-bang bitch slap your fucking ass until you're just this side of salvage. Then I'm gonna ram-ride girly's show tits asunder before I plow both of you bitches under!" --(damn, girlfriend! Do you eat cheese with that mouth?)

"Camero: Fun's over with, Gage. Next stop, brown town." --(ouchie!)

"Trixie: We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read..." --(she's the smurt one)

"Trixie: Oh, my God. You're a wicked-cool covert operative masquerading as a sex-toy tycoon?
Hel: Mm-hmm. My mission was retrieve that... a weaponized vial of synthetic nano-swarm that Gage hijacked from a CIA convoy. It's filled with trillions of self-replicating robo-viruses that latch onto any living organism and suck the carbon out... 'til you, me, even the cockroaches are nothing more than gray goo" --(glad she's on our side!)

"Gage: [to Trixie] You take orders better than a Bangkok bum boy." --(nuff said)

When it ended, I let Andy know that the video quality wasn't bad for a B-movie and he just shrugged. I think he was upset because none of their boobies actually spilled out of their tops.

Oh well! On to Dexter, shirtless!

dexter2 dexter3

 

"Camero: The bitch is back!" --(Well, said my busty friend! Well said!)

18 comments:

  1. Oh! I forgot about the times in season two when Dexter was compelled by the sex to have his shirt off. Thank you, season two!

    We don't get Showtime, so I'm irritated that I'll not see the new season for almost a year and because the Internet will no doubt ruin it for me by blabbing the ending like it did for season four. Dammit, Internet! Keep your mouth shut!

    Finally, we're getting Netflix tomorrow. My husband is happy that, because I've got him hooked on Dexter now, he can go back and watch the first two seasons. I'm happy because now I know what movies to never mention so he doesn't rent them.

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  2. So don't they have curvacious strippers in Dexter? Perhaps they forgot. Otherwise it sounds like an interesting show.

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  3. You take orders better than a Bangkok bum boy."

    my favorite movie quote.


    I've never seen Dexter but I know lots of womens are intrigued by him

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  4. The Dexter DVDs await my viewing.

    **Panting**

    As for that movie, I'm rolling my eyes.

    Sheesh.

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  5. Bitch Slap sounds disappointing to me too... I would have expected a little boobage. Especially with names like Hel, Trixie, and Camero.

    But then again... I've learned long ago that any movie with a name like that is bound to be disappointing. Yes Whore, I'm looking at you.

    Well... not you BEEutiful, but the movie of that title... just sayin'...

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  6. I would like to say when I initially read the review of Bitch Slap it was described as, "A period piece, rich in culture & human emotion."

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  7. uh huh

    keep telling yourself that, Andy

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  8. I see Dexter signs everywhere, but premium channels are expensive 'round here and my internet connectin is slow... oh well, you guys will have to tell me all about it.


    Remind me not to mention B-slap movie to my husband... OMG

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  9. Bee! I cannot believe you are JUST NOW finding out about the awesomeness of all thing DEXTER! I have been an avid / obsessed fan FOREVER!

    [Season FIVE starts this Sunday on Showtime and I cannot even wait.]

    Since you just finished Season One I am NOT going to give away any spoilers - but Season Two kicks season one's ass. I KNOW it's hard to believe, but it's true!

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  10. You must REALLY love Dexter to deal with Bitch Slap. LOL

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  11. what does Dexter have that I don't have???

    I have some groovy bell bottoms and that guy doesn't even have a shirt

    geez

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  12. Oh.......
    My.......
    God......

    While reading your post, I literally had to minimize my screen when the husband got up to get a glass of pop, for fear of him seeing that a movie called Bitch Slap exists. I don't want to have to compromise with that. I've never watched Dexter either, but wow he must be awesome if you sat through that movie.

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  13. Nice try Andy.

    I LOVE DEXTER. Just look at him! Delicious man :D Season 1&2 are god-like.

    Dang, there shall never be a Dexter vs Gary...I don't know who I would chose.

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  14. *At me*
    I better go Bee before I make a fool of myself.

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  16. Rob, so I'm guessing big breasted girls are not your thing? I'll look for pictures of guys with big dicks for my next post ;o)

    PS
    Make sure you use a new sheet of sandpaper. It'll prevent infections.

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  17. That is a very generous offer, but not necessary, I thoroughly enjoyed the pictures of the large breasted women. I actually really enjoyed your blog, and I thank you for skipping on over to my place. Sorry for the deception. To be honest I loved your blog. Planning on sending you a little love in my next entry and a very interesting S&M story for you. Okay not really that interesting. But we both know I will do anything for a view or two. Thank you for the bump.

    ReplyDelete

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