Friday, July 27, 2007

A bunch of Randomnesssss

My friend Jai sent me this pic from "New Joisy"
I was walking by Glynda on my way to get my fix (MMMM…COFFEE!) and she asked ‘are you okay?’ (I thought to myself did I just say “I'm glad I’m done with this shithole for the week” out loud? I seriously had to stop and think about it!)
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Me: ‘yeah, why?’
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Glynda: ‘it sounds like you’re limping.’ yes... she said SOUNDS
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Me: [trying hard not to let the blood vessels in my eyes pop so I’m keeping answers to a minimum] ‘Nope. Fine’
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Glynda: ‘Okay’
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I walk to the kitchen, grab my awesome mug. It says "I’m on a 30 Day diet. So far I’ve lost 15 DAYS!" I laugh cuz it’s SO true… Any-who I’m thinking 'I know my brain is fuzzed up right now so maybe I can’t figure out HOW I can SOUND like I’m limping…' being the natural born problem solver (DORK) that I am, I walked back and forth in the kitchen trying to figure it out. Finally after like 10 minutes I decided to just go and ASK her what she meant.
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Me: ‘what did you mean by “sounds like you’re limping”?’
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Glynda: [I. KID. YOU. NOT.] ‘your shoes are making different noises.’
Yeah, she said that. Maybe it's only funny to me...?
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Second thing of randomnessssss:
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Do any other wives out there provide their husbands with pictures of near naked woman that they (their husbands) have crushes on?
I sent Husband Andy a pic of Kate from Lost in her "unders" and this was like 2-3 weeks ago and I didn’t get a thank you! So I remembered to ask him yesterday.
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Me: ‘Dude, did you get that pic of Kate I sent you?’
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HA: ‘Yeah’ [man of few words unless you’re talking about sports or video games then he won’t shut up!]
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Me: ‘What the hell! Why didn’t you say anything?’
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HA: ‘Wha-d-you want me to say?’
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Me: ‘I dunno maybe, “thank you awesome wife for sending me a pic of a half naked woman” not all wives do that you know! You should appreciate the coolness that is me!’
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HA: ‘She wasn’t half naked. Half naked is when someone’s wearing only a top or a bottom’…Glutton for Punishment I am.
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To Husband Andy I say, “From now on I’ll send you pics of half naked MEN!” See if I get a reaction then…
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P.S.
Guys, I can’t find the pic I sent him so I will not be posting it. I think I deleted it after I sent it to him cuz why else would I keep it, I’m not gay you know. (not that there’s anything wrong with it—Seinfeld still cracks me up—)
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Speaking of me Not being Gay.
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I am a Ginormous fan of Miami Ink especially Kat Von D so I was upset when she left but then I found out she’ll have her own show in August! AWESOME!
Brother Dan if you make a comment about me being Gay, so-help-me I’ll dognap your doggie and raise her as my own!
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Last but not least:
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Ami James and Jon Bon Jovi could be twins (both hot!)...
but you probably already knew that.
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You've been a great audience! Have a great weekend everybody!

11 comments:

  1. I know I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again (and again and again and again), thank you for that post. I needed that laugh.

    Earlier this morning I was blamed for the third time this week by a sales rep that either sent me the wrong file or requested something incorrectly. This place is starting to suck more and more. I wish there was somebody here that cared enough to listen for a limp in my step. (HAHAHAHA, btw that's gold, Jerry!)

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  2. I saw a music vid last week concerning a certain candidate for U.S. president. The young lady who was singing in it was also acting as an elementary school teacher. She passes on a voicemail on her cell (this is in front of her class) from someone named Obama (?) and then dials a number. The song begins

    I luv a girl
    Her name is Hill
    Right now she's with
    A guy named Bill

    Anyway, my favorite line was

    I know you're not gay
    But I'm hoping for bi...lingual


    You're remark about gayness reminded me of that.

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  3. This will require some of your problem solving abilities to sort out the details (you're mad about shoes, right?), but what you need is to make one shoe a lot heavier than the other, perhaps by attaching some kind of weight in it - might be easier with boots.

    You would need to remember to keep swapping the side that the weight is on (a) so you don't injure yourself (or at least so the damage is spread out), and (b) to really confuse Glynda.

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  4. ROFL. OMG...You almost make me miss having a "real" job. The fact that she really thought your shoes sound different just cracks me up.

    And I do on occasion send my hubby 1/2 naked pics of his 'favs'. I also bought him a Playboy Perscription for Christmas one year. We are some rockin' wives :-D

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  5. gypsy: thanks! :o)
    RE: Your job, I guess I should count my blessing cuz as my sister often tells me... Sales reps are ASSHOLES!
    Disclaimer:
    I can't confirm or deny this statement. ;o)

    duckman:
    First I heard of it but it made me laugh, I get your sense of humor! I will now be scouring You Tube for said video!

    brian:
    Interesting! These shoe weights, are they available in the black market?

    chris:
    If you need a job let me know and I'll disappear someone... I mean ask someone to RETIRE.
    RE: You and PC AWESOME! Also I read about your... khmm... escapades! :o) I'm glad all is right in the world for you.

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  6. Bee, you have done it again--made me laugh till I nearly choked. But don't worry, if worst comes to worst, I will fling myself to the wall to self-administer the Heimlich (or whatever it's called these days.)

    Are you sure that Glynda doesn't have some kind of mental disorder? Maybe she's 'special'...in that way.....No! Maybe she has canine hearing! You should bring one of those silent dog whistles to work and see what transpires. What fun!
    "Sounds like your limping" is just priceless!!

    And how could Andy not thank you for Kate's picture! That is a marital faux-paux. His reasoning about top OR bottoms cracked me up...Men are gems aren't they!

    PS: Your "public waits" comment had me laughing my ass off! You so rock!

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  7. somegirl: Maybe she does have a mental disorder! Should I be nicer...? :o)
    RE: Andy.
    Yeah he gives me no credit for my cool wifeness!

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  8. About that video I mentioned:

    www.hott4hill.blogspot.com/2007/07/its-finally-here.html.

    Hott 4 Hill

    by Taryn Southern

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  9. duckman:
    HIL-(L)-ARIOUS!
    Do you think she'll use it on her campaign?

    Oh-Oh, my 4 year old niece heard it (she was in another room) and is now singing "Hillary I think I might like you..." OOPS!

    Umm... she just asked me to play it again so that "flower" could dance to it!

    I think I'm gonna log off before I get into more trouble!

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  10. Hey, how is it that you come accross naked pics. of chicks.....what websites are you going on?...huummmm.... just kidding B, if you happen upon any naked pic. of Jessica Alba during your late night web searches please forward.
    Dan

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  11. Brotha Dan:
    I DO NOT LOOK FOR NAAHKED PICTURES OF WOMEN!

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.