I wish I could take credit for these since whoever wrote them seems to be in my head! (some are edited to make more sense) (to me)
Number 5:
Life is sexually transmitted. Wear a condom!
Number 4:
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Good reason not to exercise!
Number 3:
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, tell him to make himself a sandwich.
Number 2:
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!!!
Number 1:
Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
oh great, now that dumb arse slinky song is gonna be n my head all night
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about quitting my blog. what do you think?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of breaking Mr. Cocka-Doodle -Doo into a thousand pieces, what do you think?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of a number between one and ten, what do you think?
ReplyDeleteRisks of Exercise:
ReplyDeleteSorry to be serious, but I want them to put health warnings in gyms, with pictures of incontinent Altzheimer's sufferers, because that's what exercise does to you.
Hungry & Horny:
Sounds like there's a fortune to be made from a combined pizza/escort delivery service. "I'll have the Hawaiian - and a pepperoni pizza".
Actually Dominos have "hand tossed" on the menu, so maybe they're already on to it...
jean knee: X4
ReplyDelete1) "oh what a wonderful toy! made for a girl and a boy!"
2) IF YOU WERE TO QUIT YOUR BLOG I'D HAVE TO MOVE TO TEXAS. YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO MOVE TO TEXAS CUZ I'D BE CRABBY ALL YEAR ROUND! (It's always hot there right?)
3) You better leave that cock alone. What'll we do for Wordless Wednesday?
4) 7.
brian:
ReplyDeleteBWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Running nowhere:
I knew you'd see it my away!
Later dude, I have to go throw out my Dominos menu!
I just love Number One. Especially since I loves Slinkys as a kid and know exactly and precisely what you mean.
ReplyDeleteremind me not to be anywhere near stairs around you. and numebr 3 is about right!
ReplyDeleteNumber 3:
ReplyDeleteYup! I knew it!