Tuesday, March 10, 2009

About Me?

Okay you guys, I've been working on my "About Me" page (why? because I'm vain why else?) but I couldn't figure out what else to put on there that I haven't said before. Please read it and give me any comical helpful suggestions in the comment section.

I guess this is where I talk about me which is weird because that's what my blog is about, you know, me?

-->Anyway, I was born and raised in a small California town, not saying where because you will just google me and invade my privacy by calling all my old friends and demanding interviews.
Unfortunately, my family lived the lives of nomads so I didn't really grow roots in any one place. when i see a picture of someone I know, I never really can tell where it was that I met them. In this town? How about that one? Because of this, I hesitate to say stuff like 'oh yeah! that's so and so!' because it might not be *so and so*. Does that make sense? Whatever.

I'm the first born ('oldest' and 'eldest' are for tomatoes and reverends) of 5 kids. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister, 2 nieces and one on the way and probably already here by the time you're reading this, 2 dogs, some fish (the fish population is diminishing by the minute in fact, I think I just heard one die), 1 mom, 1 dad (he's here somewhere) and only ONE husband. I have no idea how polygamist do it because I feel one husband is all I can handle. Unless Brad Pitt becomes available but then thinking about it more seriously, do I want all those kids in my life? No, not really so I think I'll stick to just one husband.
Where was I? Oh yes, me. Uhm I work in an asylum, not really an asylum in that it is a place where you keep the mentally ill, more like a place where the mentally ill work. I include myself among them so don't think I'm being mean.
I live in a suburb outside of Chicago but if anybody asks I still say I live in Chicago.
Let's see what else, what else?
Oh yes! I have a scar on my lip from being thrown millions of feet while my uncle was trying to save me from a giant charging pig when I was 2. I personally think the pig just wanted to play.
I think that's all for now. Maybe I'll come back and add more juicy stuff later. Like the time I was jumped outside of a club and lost my shoe in the snow…


  1. Well it's unique, that's for sure. :)

  2. Hmmm....so young and you've done so much living already.

    Must be all that hard candy.

  3. "Right now I'm eating canelitas from my local Mexi store in your honor."

    You make me weep Bee.
    I WEEP.

  4. I think it should all be lies! Like... like... you're a Mermaid when they put you in the tub... you and Andy met when he fell off a boat when he was 6 or something and you saved him and then later you sold your voice to be part human so you could find him and...

    NO! no... you're really a PRINCESS that your parents hid away so that the mob couldn't get you because they had a hit on you 'cause they didn't make THEE godfather your godfather...


    Actually what you have is pretty good... and I'm not helping am I?

  5. I like Ceci's mermaid idea. I can totaly picture you as a sirena...only those are supposed to eat men or something
    And eating as in ingesting them not...
    Ok, That's all I have.

  6. Sorry, one more thing: You must include that part where Andy is the nexus of the universe.
    You gots to!

  7. The mermaid idea has legs!

    Well, not really. I just mean it's a fantastic jumping off point. Of course, mermaids can't ACTUALLY jump. Wait, I guess they probably can. I mean, dolpins jump, and they're all fin-like, like mermaids.

    I'm tired.

    I say go with the mermaids.

  8. Why would we want to interview your friends? Are they more interesting than you?

    You missed out the bit about being abducted by aliens...

  9. You had a pig charge you at 2? So young Bee was in real danger at such a tender age?

    Wow. The most dangerous thing I've ever done is have an argument with a former Royal Marine Commando, but luckily he was a friend so I'm still here.

  10. I think the mermaid idea is good, too. You can use it to talk about how being a mermaid helped you get across the Rio Grande...

    The only thing you might want to add in there are your reasons for blogging/writing.

    I don't know. Check out my "Mission Statement & Bio" page on my site.

  11. I love the part about the asylum.

    I think having your mom living with you invites some humor. You might want to mention that.

    And what about Natalia? Where does she fit?

    You use Spanish words sometimes. Are you comfortable mentioning your culture?

    [Now I'm hungry for some Huevos Rancheros.]

    If you want to talk about why you created your blog or what the blog is about, that might make a good summary.

  12. Oh man, you lost a shoe???? Was it at least an ugly one?

    I think it sounds like a great introduction. I personally hate the ones that go into how their lives are so perfect and their children are so perfect and that they want to share with others how to live a perfect life.

    I read your blog because I like to laugh. :-)

  13. I like it. Since you wrote it, it comes across as very...well..you. I do think that you left out a few things, like how you're the proud owner of one awesome shoe collection, your amazing gardening abilities, and your bestest blog friend ever is the fantastic Tracy who is a self proclaimed Rambler. But it is your about me page so I guess you don't have to mention me if you don't want.

  14. I think you should just describe your greatness in some other form:

    Say chiseled in stone, describing your feats of greatness and how you were created to blog so famously.

    "Thus sayeth the histories: Bee has been graced upon this plane of existence to bless us with comics of her marriage, her ability to see BS in news stories, the desire to correct inappropriate behaviours she's witnessed, and get advice from readers on self fashion."

    Or the totally fake mermaid idea would be really great too!

  15. Bee, this is serious, pigs WILL eat you! no kidding

    they don't like to play
    but they have good bacon

  16. Jean Knee is right. That's how mobsters get rid of dead bodies. Or so they say on TV.

    And I would skip Brian's suggestion about your alien abduction. No one wants to hear about anal probes.

  17. CH!CA:
    Thanks! :o)

    ha ha yeah it's the hard candy all right!

    The canelitas were dee-lish! mmm

    A mermaid you say? I do like to look at fish. People don't eat mermaids do they? Don't answer that.

    NCS x 3:
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! I wonder if jean knee got the joke?

    Sleeping I think dreaming about new ways to be mean. ::shrugs::

    My brother Dan called me yesterday to say he was stuck in traffic and without thinking he asked "what am I? at the nexus of the universe?" and I laughed because Andy is contagious.

    I should of thought of the mermaid idea before cutting my hair. Now I won't have flowing locks to hide my boobaloos.

    I'm sure they are interesting in their own way ::nods::.
    Yeah the aliens filed a law suit saying I had to stop and desist. Jerks.

    I sure did have a pig come at me. This is why I tell people I've been a badass since I was 2. I had no fear.

    Ha! And how I escaped the gringos snares as they tried to fillet me?

    Thank you for the idea!

    My mom! You're right!
    And thank you for the rest of the suggestions! :o)

    I'm sure it was since it was the 90s.

    Thanks! :o)

    Thanks! And yeah, I should mention my shoes since they are like my babies.

    I like where you're going with that idea!

    jean knee:
    I've been around pigs all my life and yet, they have been the ones to either wind up in my tummy or slapped.

    Come on! What if I make it a funny anal probing story??

  18. who says no one wants to hear a nice anal probe story??

    I'm in

  19. a place where the mentally ill work

    We must work in the same place!

  20. you are the lead character in a fantastic cast of characters! I'd offer advice, since I love to hear myself type, but I suck at "about me"'s even when they aren't about me. :)

  21. Give it up for a suburb of Chicago!!

    Home of Portillos and Yu's!

  22. uh, I already knew all that so I got nothing.
    You should talk about the time you pulled out a knife on some guys.

  23. A suburb of Chicago means West...so I'll go with Hoffman Estates. I would say something like Schaumburg or Naperville, but that's too obvious.

  24. Oldest implies there are only 2 of a thing/person.

    Eldest implies there are more than 2.

    I am the oldest in my family; you are the eldest.

    I would add that you can kick my ass.

  25. I didn't see a picture. I clicked on your about me because I haveta make my own about me, and I wanted to know about you, but really, it is all about me.

    is that funny? I put my foot in it alot.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.