Alls well that ends well.

So... Saturday was my last day at ACS. I know. Sad. Unfortunately for me, I could no longer work on Saturdays and they couldn't accommodate me because it wouldn't be fair to the other girls. Sure, I'm freaking adorable and that should have tipped the scales in my favor but what are you gonna do? 

I mean, I always gave 75% and was punctual and sweet and helpful and looked great in their clothes and shopped a lot and, um, did I mention I'm adorable?

Andy has breathed a sigh of relief because I will no longer be smuggling clothes into the house in the middle of the night while he's trying to defend the universe from some dude named the Lynch King (which they supposedly defeated but for some reason they keep battling?). He's also happy he won't have clothes tumble towards him as he walks by my dresser because I have towers upon towers upon towers on my little tiny itty bitty dresser. In all fairness, I think he should just get me a bigger dresser.

In all seriousness, I am going to miss working at ACS. It helped me so much when I had my mental meltdown 6 months ago, which I just hit the 6 month mark on Thursday, and kept my mind from focusing too much on what I thought was going to suck my brain dry.

I went in there thinking I was a shlumpy housewife and came out of there knowing that I'm not that at all! Part of the shlumpiness I felt was because I was not wearing clothes that fit me properly. I would go in and buy big loose shirts and stretchy pants and granny panties so of course I felt like an unattractive hag!

Thanks to the insistence of the women I worked with at ACS, I expanded my wardrobe horizons. I learned what type of shirts/blouses flatter my body. I learned that jeans could be your butt's best friend. I learned that I shouldn't be allergic to wearing light colors just because I always heard black was the only slimming color.

Most importantly, I learned that most women are kind and supportive and will verbally beat you up if you call yourself *fat*.

Working at ACS was a welcome distraction and I was able to put on pause the all consuming stress of working at the Asylum, my unhappiness with myself and it basically helped me not focus too much on my dark thoughts.

I believe that the activity also helped in my weight loss and *that* in turn helped transform my blood pressure from mercurial to steady. And honestly, I loved being out of the house. I mean, Andy has his hobbies and I felt like this was mine. It was somewhere I could go and interact with people that were closer to my age while at the same time help out women who were in the same imaginary position of shlumpy housewife I used to be in.

I also learned to accept *the booty*. No matter how much I try to outrun it, it's always gonna be right behind me (I crack myself up!) so I might as well make it work for me. Maybe I should even buy the Brazilian butt lift exercise. . . not that I'm gonna be doing booty pops or anything because who needs that image?

I was sorta depressed about the ACS situation but I have to admit I neglected a lot of the things I love doing because I always ended up too tired from working 2 jobs. I haven't hosted any family get togethers this year. I haven't been able to keep up with friends via email, facebook, blogs or phone. I mean, I went a whole week without seeing my little Isabella! Talk about heart breaking!

Sadly, one of the things that has suffered my neglect the most is my garden. Or, more accurately, my weed garden (and by weed I mean "any undesirable or troublesome plant, esp. one that grows profusely where it is not wanted" not maryjane weed).

Look! So pathetic!

And also, my blog. I haven't blogged as much as I'd like too. Blogging has always been my outlet and I find myself typing posts in my head but then when I get home, all I can think of is having my Coco Pebbles, because I'm 12, and then going to bed.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that the Sheriff is back so no more loitering at my street corner! No more coming over here and borrowing my things and then leaving them dirty and broken because I've got my eyes on you!

And to those of you who have kids who like leaving stray toys in my garden? They will be donated to a charity near you!

Oh! This means that the "Bee n' Andy" comic strip will be back too! Andy said "yay!" but he did it while shoving a pillow in his face so that confused me a little but he's always been a little odd so no worries.

Drawback?

::sigh:: No more 31% discount.

I think the fashion world is trying to prepare us for rough times ahead...

Why else would they want women to dress like Colonel Jessup? Only we'd have cooler names. I'd be called Sergeant Pepper.

Ick!

It's a long setup so be patient and read the whole story. I command you!

As some of you may know, I call Andy The Warden because he's always hell bent on bedtime being at 10:30 pm. He's always all "lights out! bedtime!" and goes around turning off lights, locking doors and unplugging laptops, well just one, MINE! Unless! Unless he's battling some evil dwarves. Then it's okay to stay up until 11:30 because he makes the rules you see?

Last night, he fell asleep on the sofa at about 9 pm. I had some stuff to do so I didn't wind up waking him up until 11 and the first thing he asks is "Why did you wait until now to wake me up?" and that didn't go over well with me because I like to think I'm old enough to know when I'm tired and need to go to bed so we started arguing. I'll spare you the details but I knew that this would make me toss and turn while Andy would fall asleep before his head hit the pillow. The injustice of it all still pisses me off!

Anyway, flashforward to this morning when I was at the Asylum and talking to Milton (who happens to be a woman, you guys) and telling her I had had a weird dream.

Me: I dreamt I had turned to Andy in bed and started shoving him violently and all I kept hearing was "Bee! BEEEE!!"

Milton: Well, you were mad at him so it's only natural.

So I shrugged because it was probably the case but then, later in the afternoon, Andy called me to ask how I was doing.

Me: I'm tired! How do you think I am?? [because as far as I was concerned, the fight was still ON!] I didn't sleep well after you pissed me off!

Andy: You seemed to be sleeping fine when you punched me in the face multiple times. [he said calmly]

Me: . . . Uh, what??

Andy: Yeah, I woke up to you wailing on me and I was like "Bee! BEEEE!!" but then I heard you snoring.

Me: . . . I guess we're even?

 

Whoopsie?