Friday, August 12, 2011

Can you imagine Milton delivering your pizza and scolding you because your order isn't logical?


I was ordering OZ’s lunch (yep that is a shitload of responsibility right there!) and Milton, as the bookkeeper, asked me if I thought $1.50 was enough for a tip.

Me: I think that’s too low—

Milton: But they also charge a $2.50 delivery fee so he’d be getting a total of $4!

Me: You asked for my opinion and I gave it to you. [which I should have learned by now that it’s best to staple my tongue to my lower lip so that I don’t get myself into these volatile situations]  ::shrug:: Give him what you think is fair.

Milton: If I do that, he’d only be getting the delivery fee. That delivery driver has a good gig if you think about it!

Me: [pounds head on keyboard, realizes it’s not painful enough, dunks fingers in coffee then flicks wet fingers at active outlets] I don’t think the delivery driver would agree since gas prices are so high…

Milton: [dismissing my comment] I’ve been thinking that, when I retire, I’ll probably look at getting a cushy job like that.

Me: [shaking head to make sure I heard right] You want to be a food delivery person??

Milton: Maybe. How hard can it be?

Me: What will you do the first time somebody tells you they’re not going to tip you because your delivery fee should be enough?

Milton:  I’d explain that the tip is for the wear and tear to my car.

Me: ::blink blink:: Can’t you use that same logic when it comes to our delivery guy?

Milton: Why should I? Let him come and argue his point!


I’m planning on moving as far away from her as soon as I can. I’d say maybe even a different galaxy but it is apparent she doesn’t reside in the same one the rest of us “normals” do.

7 comments:

  1. Ok, Milton is an asshole. But, it's you I'm really worried about as you flick your coffee soaked fingers at active outlets....yeow!

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  2. Wait a minute MeMe you mean it isn't normal to flick your coffee soaked fingers at active outlets? Bee say it isn't so.

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  3. I personally like the way the current fries up my nerve endings and I wind up smelling like fried chicken.

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  4. Are you sure you're not entering the Twilight Zone when you walk into the office?

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  5. Coffee soaked fingers and outlets? Hmmm, I may have to try that next time.

    Also, you should tell Milton to read the fine print... A delivery charge is not paid to the driver. Ever. So a tip is the only way they make money. See her logical her way out of that.

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  6. Hmmm... I would think coffee soaked fingers would smell like goat...

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  7. The best thing that Milton can do is to collect it herself. Then let her argue her point as to why you should tip her.

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.