Friday, August 12, 2011

Can you imagine Milton delivering your pizza and scolding you because your order isn't logical?

I was ordering OZ’s lunch (yep that is a shitload of responsibility right there!) and Milton, as the bookkeeper, asked me if I thought $1.50 was enough for a tip.

Me: I think that’s too low—

Milton: But they also charge a $2.50 delivery fee so he’d be getting a total of $4!

Me: You asked for my opinion and I gave it to you. [which I should have learned by now that it’s best to staple my tongue to my lower lip so that I don’t get myself into these volatile situations]  ::shrug:: Give him what you think is fair.

Milton: If I do that, he’d only be getting the delivery fee. That delivery driver has a good gig if you think about it!

Me: [pounds head on keyboard, realizes it’s not painful enough, dunks fingers in coffee then flicks wet fingers at active outlets] I don’t think the delivery driver would agree since gas prices are so high…

Milton: [dismissing my comment] I’ve been thinking that, when I retire, I’ll probably look at getting a cushy job like that.

Me: [shaking head to make sure I heard right] You want to be a food delivery person??

Milton: Maybe. How hard can it be?

Me: What will you do the first time somebody tells you they’re not going to tip you because your delivery fee should be enough?

Milton:  I’d explain that the tip is for the wear and tear to my car.

Me: ::blink blink:: Can’t you use that same logic when it comes to our delivery guy?

Milton: Why should I? Let him come and argue his point!

I’m planning on moving as far away from her as soon as I can. I’d say maybe even a different galaxy but it is apparent she doesn’t reside in the same one the rest of us “normals” do.


  1. Ok, Milton is an asshole. But, it's you I'm really worried about as you flick your coffee soaked fingers at active outlets....yeow!

  2. Wait a minute MeMe you mean it isn't normal to flick your coffee soaked fingers at active outlets? Bee say it isn't so.

  3. I personally like the way the current fries up my nerve endings and I wind up smelling like fried chicken.

  4. Are you sure you're not entering the Twilight Zone when you walk into the office?

  5. Coffee soaked fingers and outlets? Hmmm, I may have to try that next time.

    Also, you should tell Milton to read the fine print... A delivery charge is not paid to the driver. Ever. So a tip is the only way they make money. See her logical her way out of that.

  6. Hmmm... I would think coffee soaked fingers would smell like goat...

  7. The best thing that Milton can do is to collect it herself. Then let her argue her point as to why you should tip her.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.