I was ordering OZ’s lunch (yep that is a shitload of responsibility right there!) and Milton, as the bookkeeper, asked me if I thought $1.50 was enough for a tip.
Me: I think that’s too low—
Milton: But they also charge a $2.50 delivery fee so he’d be getting a total of $4!
Me: You asked for my opinion and I gave it to you. [which I should have learned by now that it’s best to staple my tongue to my lower lip so that I don’t get myself into these volatile situations] ::shrug:: Give him what you think is fair.
Milton: If I do that, he’d only be getting the delivery fee. That delivery driver has a good gig if you think about it!
Me: [pounds head on keyboard, realizes it’s not painful enough, dunks fingers in coffee then flicks wet fingers at active outlets] I don’t think the delivery driver would agree since gas prices are so high…
Milton: [dismissing my comment] I’ve been thinking that, when I retire, I’ll probably look at getting a cushy job like that.
Me: [shaking head to make sure I heard right] You want to be a food delivery person??
Milton: Maybe. How hard can it be?
Me: What will you do the first time somebody tells you they’re not going to tip you because your delivery fee should be enough?
Milton: I’d explain that the tip is for the wear and tear to my car.
Me: ::blink blink:: Can’t you use that same logic when it comes to our delivery guy?
Milton: Why should I? Let him come and argue his point!
I’m planning on moving as far away from her as soon as I can. I’d say maybe even a different galaxy but it is apparent she doesn’t reside in the same one the rest of us “normals” do.