Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Phew! I can come out now! (rumors of me running over a little person are a teeny bit exaggerated!)

So, I celebrated another birthday last Thursday. Yeah, I know I totally acted out of character by not having a doomsday countdown this year but it kinda slipped my mind which is either a good thing because I don't feel like birthdays are a looming guillotine or a bad thing because I'm just getting too old and my memory has just gone to shit.

Either way, ignorance is bliss I guess. Although, I do always have this weird paranoia that I'm going to die the day before or even the day after my birthday and the news people, because you know that if I die it will be in a spectacular fashion (maybe via an overdose of shoe shopping where I'll just drop once I've discovered a “to die for” pair of shoes at a bargain for like $15 then I’d collapse on an old lady suffocating her instantly which would be a double tragedy because, not only would I be dead, but I wouldn't have had time to buy the shoes that I should have worn at my burial) will say "she died one day before her birthday" or  "she had just celebrated her birthday!"

And if I were to die on my birthday? Well then the news would become global.

"We interrupt your regular programming to bring you the tragic news of a young(ish) woman who died at 11:11 AM on 11/11/10 as she was entering a shoe department and a giant shoe display toppled ontop of her, crushing her. She must have had some sort of muscle spasm because witnesses say it looked like she was smiling."


Because of this paranoia, I tend to have some pretty far-out nightmares.

Bee (to Andy at 6 am on the Wednesday before my birthday while he's getting dressed and I'm kicking the wall because I hate the Asylum and therefore want to break my toes): I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt I was in a car accident.

Andy: Why would you do that?

Bee: I didn't do it on purpose! It's just that a midget pissed me off so I bumped his car with my giant truck!

Andy: ::sigh:: don't say midget! And stop being so aggressive!

Bee: Listen to the whole story before you judge me! Okay, so my sister and I were in my giant truck--

Andy: What giant truck?

Bee: It's a dream! Anyway, --driving on Belmont Avenue and you know what a pain in the ass Belmont Avenue is, both traffic-wise and pothole-achey-butt-wise, so there was this midg-uh LITTLE PERSON in a tiny toy car in front of me and he was only going like 5 mile per hour so I honked and he gave me the tiny midge-uh LITTLE PERSON middle finger and I saw red so I bumped him but it was barely a tap but he was all hysterical and threatened to call the cops and I was like "do it little guy! You go ahead and call the cops! Then I'll tell them I couldn't see your miniature toy car in front of me! And that's dangerous!"

Andy: Bee. Why is it that even your dreams you're causing problems?

Bee: What?? HE started it!

Andy: See you later and please don't "bump" into anybody!

Bee: We'll see . . .

Lucky for everybody involved, I encountered few ignorant drivers.

My actual birthday went without a hitch. I woke up, lived the whole day and then woke up the next day and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that… so I'm thinking I'm pretty much on my way to the next big birthday celebration.


I received money for my birthday from my In-laws and from Master Andy so I was able to hit the 6AM door buster sales on Saturday.

One of the things I bought was this awesome hat.


I put it on my head at the store and asked my partner in morning madness, AKA my mommy, how it looked and she said I looked beautiful! Like a movie star from the 50s! So I bought it and came home with my purchase and showed it to my drugged out hubby, he had a tooth pulled so he was riding the codeine high, and he mumbled something which I assumed was "you look fan-fucking-tabulous!" but I hear nothing but nice things about myself, so I was happy with my purchase.

Then. Then my heart broke because I put it on to show my sweet little niece Isabella and I innocently asked. "Do you like my new hat?"

And she paused and pinched her little face and said "It's different . . ." bday3

When I asked what she meant she looked away and shrugged and I knew exactly what she meant. bday4

I need a bigger forehead to pull off this hat!


  1. After reading this post... I think your head's big enough as it is. :P

  2. Happy *belated* Birthday, Beautiful Bee! Well, I love that hat and holy hot shoes!!

  3. Yep. Hot shoes, indeed!

    I'm glad you lived through your birthday!

    And many more.....

    I like the hat!

  4. I'm glad you survived into another year. If you do end up getting a giant truck, make sure it has midget sensors fitted.

  5. Happy birthday Bee, even though it's come and gone already. I love those shoes!! And the hat -- Fabulous. Your little niece's "look" -- Priceless.

  6. damn I hate midgets

    or any kind of freak really

  7. Hey! I just had a birthday, too! Happy birthday, Bee! I love the hat. I need a hat like that.

  8. Happy Birthday!! Awesome shoes! Great hat! Cute Isabella!

    I wanna be you right now :-)

  9. I think the hat is cute and shoes are fanfreakin'tastic!

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  13. If I had known it was your birthday I'd have baked you a cake♪

    Those shoes are awesome. I gasped.

    "she died one day before her birthday" or "she had just celebrated her birthday!" I know, right? I hate that. It's like a death sentence!


    I would sing you happy birthday in Russian/Czech, but it looks like someone already beat me to it :( Damn you ANONYMOUS!!! totally stole my thunder AND that was my gift to you ~shaking my fist in anger~

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  16. I LOVE hats. But I look very odd in them.

    I once proudly showed my sister a new hat. She said I looked like a dyke.

    Joe was with me in the hat department. I LOVE cloche hats. He said I looked gorgeous, but added that I'd never wear it out in public.

    I tipped the brim up (on the side) so that I wouldn't look like a bug staring out from under a pot.

    I swore I'd wear it. Joe said: "Okay then. Buy it. You look SO good in hats"

    Joe lies.

    Uh...so did I.

    But I love looking at it as it sits in the closet staring at me.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.