Saturday, May 3, 2008

I don't feel guilty. Like Col. Jessep said, "I'm gonna rip the eyes out of your head and piss into your dead skull!"


WARNING!!!

I'm about to remove the lid off of some pent up anger and it might get ugly for a few minutes. Everything works out fine at the end but you might be tempted to come give me a hug- CONTROL THAT URGE!
As I'm typing this, I'm listening to my Brazilian/Paris lounge CD (Thanks Jai!!!) and a cool breeze is bringing in the smell of lilac and magnolia so I'm fine now.

Ready? I'm removing the lid. I suggest you take a couple steps back.

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I haven't been posting about The Bats lately because they've all been having serious family issues. I do have some sense of decency buried somewhere deep deep inside of me so I've tried not to harass them too much lately.
They each have something on their mind far more serious than a shorty co-worker calling them stupid every time they take a breath (although they are stupid).

Anyway, on Fridays, the office closes at 3:00 and people get to leave shortly after that. Except for me OF COURSE! I'm lucky enough to have my meeting with OZ and get to stay and talk about all the lawyers I've mocked and made cry during the week. Although it's fun, I'd rather get the hell out of my torture chamber as soon as humanly possible. On those rare Fridays we don't meet, I also join the rest of the dummies in the sprint towards the time clock at 2:59.

When OZ's patient load is light, I'll ask to meet with him during office hours that way I can have my meeting over and done with so I may leave early. I've done this for the TWO AND A HALF YEARS I'VE BEEN AT THE ASYLUM.

My hours have always varied since I might have to stay later to translate or OZ might need me to give him an update on an account he absolutely needs to know about RIGHT BEFORE I LEAVE FOR THE DAY. This was all explained to me prior to me starting at Arkham Asylum. In other words I can come in when I want and, if not needed, leave earlier. Again, I've done this for TWO AND HALF YEARS.

Sorry I'm dragging to get to my point but I need to give some history leading up to my day yesterday.

A couple of months ago, I met with OZ early and was done with our meeting by 2:30. I asked Glynda if I could leave and she waved good-bye.

When Milton found out she asked "Do we all get to go home now or just you?"

Me:
Uh, just me.

Milton:
Well, that's not fair!

Me:
Then ask if you can leave too. I'm done with my meeting so that means I can leave early.

Milton:
By early I thought you'd leave at 3 not 2.

Me: [losing it]
What's the difference it's HALF AN HOUR?? It's not like I'm going to get paid for that HALF HOUR!

Milton sat there, her face blotchy red, fuming. I punched out and went home. I couldn't understand why she was so upset since the few times he's told us to leave early, she usually stays until she finishes whatever project she started. If he would have told everybody to leave she still would've stayed late!

Do you know what this snot rag did??? She pulled out the employee manual and cried on Glynda's shoulder! I didn't find out until last week when they fucked me over by taking my vacation time on a couple of days I left early!

I asked Glynda and Milton, they claimed company policy. I let them know that I was the exception because of the reasons I stated above. They didn't budge from their little united front.
I was sooo pissed off I didn't know how I should handle the situation. The family was telling me I should demand my vacation time back and although I agreed, I wasn't sure I wanted to go to that extreme. My day on Friday was so unbelievable shitacular that it made the decision for me.

I asked Milton how many vacation hours I had left since I was going to bring it to OZ's attention. She panicked and brought Glynda, both tried to dissuade me out of talking about it with him at meeting. I let them know that I was going thru with it and no matter what happened, I was prepared to be disappointed. I think they each shit their pants right then and there.

Once I was in my meeting with OZ and Glynda:

Me:
I'd like to talk about my Work Schedule. When I first started I was also told my hours were flexible since I might have to stay later on some days but had the option to come in later the next day. I've been doing this for over 2 years and just recently my vacation time has been deducted.

OZ:
What? [looks at Glynda] Why was this done?


Glynda:
Company policy blah blah

OZ:
What was Teri's [lucky bitch who escaped and I replaced] schedule? She was flexible wasn't she? We never took her vacation time when she left early! Why are you doing that now???


Glynda:
Policy blah blah

OZ:
[to me] How many hours did they take?

Me:
About 8 that I know of.

OZ:
[to Glynda] DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO REINSTATE THOSE HOURS!

Glynda:
But she was already paid-

OZ:
DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO REINSTATE THOSE HOURS! I'M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN!!

Glynda:
I'll have to tell Milton-

OZ:
Is she here? Bring her in here!


[Milton had been about to leave and had her running shoes on ready to leap tall buildings]

OZ:
[to Milton]

How many hours does Bianca have left? 16? I need you to bring give her an additional 30.

[gasps were heard all around, I won't lie to you, I was one of the gaspers]

Milton:
But... we... I... wacka wacka

OZ:
This will be our way of making amends and correcting this mistake! Do what you have to do right now! Do I need to sign something? Bring it and I'll sign it right now! DO NOT DOCK HER PAY FOR WHAT SHE'S BEEN PAID ALREADY!
I need you both to think twice before making decisions like this without consulting me first!

So that clinched it for me right there. I will be the most hated person in the office. I kinda like it!

When I was telling my family peeps, I kept wondering out loud why they would fuck with me like that? You'd figure they know me better by now! Just yesterday they transferred a psychopathic patient to me so I could put her in her place. They gathered around to listen to my whiskey/honey voice show her who was the Alpha Bitch!

Why would they think I'm going to let a couple of light weights try to step on me? I go for the jugular any time I feel I'm being attacked! Just ask the multitude of attorneys who swing their dicks my way only to jump back screaming like the little girls they are!

I need to know why they would go out of their fuckin way to irritate me when all I do is work my ass off for that place! I'm constantly fixing their mistakes. I have to hold their hands and make decisions they no longer have the brain power to do on their own!

I once told a worker (at a place I managed) that I wasn't there to be liked (yes one of the ones I made cry) and I had no qualms in sending her home if she didn't straighten up her act.
My job is a JOB. I hate it when it leaks into my home life and that's what this fuckin' place has been doing!

They had the balls to ask me if I was going to invite them to my sister's baby-shower. I told them no, but if they wanted to bring a gift to work and leave it by my desk I'd probably take it. Why the hell would I want them in my personal life??

I know it's not fair that I now have a total of 46 hours plus the ones he already paid me but... you know what I have to say about that? They can fuck off and kiss my ass!

That ladies and gents, was Fuck Off Friday on a Saturday!!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The freakin' umbilical cord doesn't reach that far!

Have I ever bragged about the fact that my mom lives downstairs from us and cooks us dinner every weeknight?

Have I ever bragged about the fact that she's an awesome cook and makes the most delicious food that has no equal??

Have I ever bragged about the fact that she is THE coolest mom?
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Probably not because I'm not much of a bragger...
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ANYWAY- SHE'S LEAVING ME FOR 2 MONTHS!
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Something about spending time with her parents while my sister is off of work or something selfish like that.
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Now I'm going to have to hone my cooking talents so I can feed my burly man. After all, I read somewhere that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach (I disagree since you'd have miles of intestines to go through...) so I'm gonna try my hardest to make him happy.

Luckily, my cookbook has a wide variety of yummy food to chose from:



And some yummy sides...



Yup! When my momma comes home we'll bloated and pudgy! (ER)

Are you judging me?? I think it's because you're jealous that my mom is BETTER than your mom!
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The ONLY GOOD thing about her being away is the fact that I don't have to see any of my meany siblings until she comes back. Well, except my sister Nancy since her child holds my heart in her tiny little hands.



If you have any easy recipes you'd like to share: seriouslywhogivesacrap@gmail.com

NCS didn't believe my cuss-o-meter was 93% so here is living proof:

Around 93% of the pages on your website contain cussing.
This is 933% MORE than other websites who took this test.

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?
Created by OnePlusYou

YEAH!!! I'm gonna try for 99%! Don't forget to click on Humor-Blogs!
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P.S.
Lost is turning into a stupid version of A Christmas Carol!!
Hurley: Someone will visit you too Jack. Soon.

Stoopit!

P.P.S.
Why didn't anybody tell me that Tom Cruise would be in Chicago?? I missed my golden oportunity to meet my spiritual leader!