Thursday, January 6, 2011

Hark, who goes there?

I was just informed by Glynda that The Rapture (The Rapture is an event in the futuristinterpretation of Christian eschatology, in which it is posited that Christians will be gathered together in the air to meet Christ) is scheduled for May 21st of this year and that The Apocalypse (no explanation needed for the end of times) will be some time in October.

Me: Well, do we know exactly WHEN in October?

Glynda: What? I just told you they're predicting the end of the world and you want an exact DATE?

Me: Yes, that would be helpful. Andy's birthday is in October and he'll be angry if he doesn't get his birthday pumpkin milkshake.

Glynda: I know you don't like to take things seriously but the signs are everywhere! Did you hear about all those birds falling out of the sky??

Me: Do you think they committed suicide because of the looming Apocalypse?? ::sad face::

Glynda: it's not funny! 

Me: Of course it's not funny! Here I thought I had until 12/12/12 to repent for all my sins and to stay on the straight and narrow once I did but now I'm gonna have to reassess my whole plan!

Glynda: you would be more afraid if you went to church regularly and knew what was coming!

Me: I think you just made my argument as to why I stay away.

Glynda: [leaves the room]

Me [to Milton]: I think I just stamped my pass to eternal damnation.

Milton: I don't even want to admit I know you at this point.

Story of my life.


  1. With the End so Nigh, it's a good thing that you're blogging more frequently.

    I've always wondered how these doom-mongers feel the day after when their predictions haven't come true. I think I'd have to emigrate.

  2. Make sure you stay close to Glynda on May 21st, following her everywhere (toilet, home, etc). If she does end up floating Heavenwards with an expression of extreme rapture on her face, we'll want to see the photo.

  3. I vote for Brian's idea (He should get a prize Bee)

    I just saw this yesterday, about the Rapture and all that.
    I am just going to sit at the mall and wait to see what develops.
    Dang, and so close to my birthday too!

  4. Bee, I'll be spending eternal damnation with you. And, those are the very same reasons why I stay away from all thing religious and The News! I'd constantly be a worried mess!

  5. Hey, better yet, if she floats off into the sky..grab a leg and hang on.

  6. We all knew the end was coming when you cleared out some space in your closet for Andy...

  7. do you think she'll take the 21 st off or just come to work as usual? If you are indoors will you rise up to, and possibly hit, the ceiling?

    I need to know more...

    especially about the pumpkin milkshake--do you make it or buy it?

  8. I'm glad you have Glynda. Who else could educate us about the Rupture? Yeah, when the world blows up. That will be the end.



  9. I wonder if those birds, just before they all fell dead out of the sky, spelled out "WTF?!"

    Now that would've been a good sign of the apocalypse.

  10. I think that's the best description of the rapture I've ever read/heard. Hilarious.

    visions unto myself

  11. GARY said.....

    So, uh,,,does this mean you'll be busy on the 21 st?

  12. Mmmmmm........ delicious birds....

  13. Bee.... I shot a bunch a birds a while back and a bunch of people think it's the Apocalypse. Don't say anything, I want this one to ride out.

  14. psssst.....are you ever blogging again? I really miss your stories! Hoping all is well.

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