The tragic day Milton lost her trusty, thick, finger cushion-y, red pen. [TAN TAN TAN!]

Yes, the situation was as dire as the TAN TAN TAN implies.

The morning started like every other morning, you know, with me leaving a trail of tears to my desk? There were no ominous signs of things to come. There hadn't been a blood moon the night before. No dead crows on my desk. Nothing to tell me that I was in for a day in hell.

At about 10:30, I noticed Milton acting *unusually* erratic and chicken-y (that's when you move your head from side to side in a robotic fashion) so I innocently asked "everything okay?"

And I wished I hadn't.

Milton: I can't find my red pen. I had it here just a minute ago. [stops to stare out her window, I'm assuming she was calculating something really complicated that no ordinary short person could ever understand] I had it when I went to talk to Glynda but it never left my hand.

Still Milton: Then I went to the bathroom but I didn't take it in there with me. I left it in the kitchen. When I came out of the bathroom, I know I grabbed it because I also had some crackers and I was balancing those along with the pen, my water and a chart.

And she continues: Then I stopped to talk to Toto because I liked her cardigan. She told me she got it last season for- [at this point, I blanked out so I'm not sure what else Toto and she discussed regarding last season's fashions].

On and on she goes: Then Glynda came and gave me the mail while I was still talking to Toto. I put down all my stuff so that I may reorganize everything and carry it all more efficiently.

At this point I can see stars spinning around my head.

Rambling Milton: I put the mail on top of the chart and stuffed it under my left arm. I held my water in my left hand and the crackers and pen in my right. I went to the front desk to relieve CL for a potty break. I put my stuff down again, drank some water, ate a couple of crackers and made notes in the chart with my red pen. [shows me chart with red penned notes]

The adventure? It continues: When CL came back, I came back to my desk where I arranged my water and crackers to my right and the chart, mail, pen to my left. 

Milton [looks at me suspiciously]: I went to grab a notepad and when I got back to my desk, my pen was missing.I've spent an hour looking for it and retraced my steps multiple times with no luck. [sighs and shrugs] I can't figure it out!

Me [after clearing my throat to remove the dust and cobwebs]: Can you just get another pen?

Milton [obviously insulted]: This was a special pen! It was thick and had a special finger cushion! I NEED THAT ONE!

Me: Eh, okay? Did you alert everyone so they could be on the look out?

Milton: No! It has to be right here! I just haven’t looked under the right pile of papers! Or maybe it rolled under my desk!

Me: Listen, we can help you look for it. Just stop freaking out.

Milton [looks around wildly]: It can’t have disappeared! I need it to make my notes!

Me: Let me just--

Just then, I was interrupted by Glynda walking into the office.

Glynda: Here you go, Milton, you left your pen at my table. [walks back out of the room]

Milton: But. . . What? How? [moves around the office all herky jerky]

Me: ::sigh:: Don't try to figure it out. Just be happy you have your pen back. [but I knew deep deep down she would not stop talking until she made sense of it in her head]

Milton: This can't be my pen! I had my pen everywhere I went! No! This isn't right! [starts mumbling] I made all these notes with a red pen! Was it my red pen? Did I steal someone’s pen...

And on and on and on!

Pens, highlighters, staples create nothing but drama in this freaking office.