Unlike Samson, cutting my hair makes me stronger, smarter, faster... colder.

*Other title for this post that was discarded due to a disagreement as to what it would actually mean was "The antonym for Samson is Bee. "

So... I went to get my haircut Saturday morning.Since Charlize Theron's hairdo won by 43% and was also given a big thumbs up by my 5 year old niece, I packed up my magazine, water, cellphone and Kleenex (in case I cried) and headed on over to my stylist guy.

I've said before how the place I go to isn't a fancy salon. It's usually me and about 20 guys, which would be a nice fantasy but I think the majority of the characters there are of the dangerous variety.

Even so, I go there because A) I'm not afraid of anybody B) My hairstylist, Freddy, does an awesome job and C) If I stopped going he would hunt me down, shave my head and then slice and dice my scalp. (I know I just said I'm not afraid of anybody but Freddy is not just anybody! He has sharp scissors that are usually inches from my carotid artery and my eyeballs)

Anyway, I arrived and Freddy was styling some chicks hair with a blow dryer. When I told him what I was going to do with my hair, he shut the dryer off and asked "Que tu estas loca m'ija??"
Which is the same exact thing the other stylist guy said to me earlier this year when I told him I wanted blood red streaks.

I showed Freddy the picture of Charliez, he said okay.
A few minutes later, he showed me a picture of some random chick and asked what I thought. I said "oh, that looks pretty" but I didn't think twice about it after that.

I think some of you might already know what's coming. Even though I was giving him specific instructions on how I wanted my hair throughout the whole process, he did what he usually does. He did whatever the fuck he wanted!

This could have turned into a tragic story ladies and gents but it just so happened I loved the style, Freddy the Omnipotent, gave me.

So, in one year I've gone from:

To:

And:


To the most recent and final:

No more pony tails for me, they are definitely more like pig tails.

I've had long hair for years so it took a hefty dose of balls to say "Cut it all".

Even knowing my hair grows fast, I still felt a little faint when the scissors made their little kweek noise after he removed the first few inches. Then.... the experience became cathartic (and not in the icky, emptying of bowels sort of way, well maybe a little).

I don't know what it is about a great haircut that makes us feel like we have the power to remove obstacles from our path or crush those that are stupid enough to not move on their own.

I had a blow out fuckin fight with OZ (my boss, the orthopaedic surgeon) and I basically told him, TO HIS FACE, that I wasn't going to take his shit any more.

And I did that before the haircut so I'm thinking that we're in for some fun shit now that I've discovered the power of invincibility.

One of my favorite exchanges from my Friday meeting with OZ:

OZ:
Wow! Is this how you are with the attorneys? I'm glad you're on my side!

SICK OF ALL THE BULLSHIT BEE:
Beware because I'm not always on your side.

BURN ASSHOLE BURN!

The look on his face was priceless and I wish I had my trusty Scarlett to snap a picture for future bulls-eye and dartboard backgrounds.

Right after my venom exploded all over his shirt, we continued our meeting the way it should always be.

He listened when I spoke, didn't interrupt me and just sat there with his tail between his legs.
I still say he looks like Phillip Seymour Hoffman so here is what he kind of looked like:

ΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘΘ
Moving on, the winner of my Pass It Forward thingie is..........

I promise you I didn't cheat, you might not believe me but the name Andy pulled was.......

TRACY'S!!

I debated whether Andy should pick another name but then I thought "Hey! I'm the boss of me!"

So Tracy, I already have your address so I will be sending you a little something something later in the week.

P.S.
If you're thinking I should fire my hairstylist because he always does whatever the fuck he wants, I was thinking the same thing too. I might have to go into witness protection though so please look for my blog under the new name of "Mee's Busings".

P.P.S.
As I type this, my in-laws and Andy are watching the sucky Bears play what some call football but I call torture to the eyes, ears, nose and VAGINA!

The current score is Lions: 23 Bears: 20

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R. Kelly was trapped in the closet, I was trapped in the bathroom but I still might make a song out of it.

OH! I forgot to mention I was trapped in my bathroom on Saturday!

I went to take a shower while Andy went to the grocery store. I was happily singing Right Said Fred's "I'm too sexy", I'm sure everybody sings that while coming out of the shower, and when I went to open the door… STUCK!!

I thought I had heard Andy come home so I started wailing knocking on the door and yelling "Andy help!" but nothing. I called his cell and found out he was barely on his way home.

For some reason, he found me being at the brink of death, funny.

I wouldn't say I'm claustrophobic but something about not being able to exit a small space was making me nutty! I yanked at the doorknob but managed to hurt my rusty old shoulder instead of managing to open the door.

Luckily, my mom called to ask me something about cherries and I was able to let her know I needed assistance ASAP!

She came downstairs calling my name because apparently, my incoherent mumbling, wasn't clear as to what it was I needed help with. I had to make myself be heard over the damn barking dogs. My voice was now hoarse and desperate but she was able to save my life in between bouts of laughter.

I thought all moms were supposed to love their children?

Where's my love mom??

Has that ever happened to any of you?


Don't forget to vote for my hairdo, it ends tonight at 11:59pm. Also, I will be choosing the winner of the Pay It Froward thingie on Saturday night to be posted Sunday.

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Well, I love stuff and you love stuff but do you love stuff like I love stuff??

I have been blessed ladies and gentlemen.

Please read this post in awe of the love shown and brought forth on to me. I will pass on the love but in my own little typical way. My love is not gooey or chewy and/or syrupy. Is syrupy the same as gooey??

First, Georgie from Decisionally Challenged has sent me a Pay It Forward act of kindness package. I call it a blogger care package. I'll be ready to write down whatever pops into my head as soon as it does before it leaks out! Yeah baby!

Sorry about the picture but lighting is a commodity I don't have in this here Electrician's house.

I will pay it forward as follows, I will write down everybody who comments on this post, put the names in a hat and choose one randomly. That person will get a small gift from me without me expecting anything in return. Nothing. Don't even worry about my birthday coming up on November eleventh. No worries. ;o)

Then, Heinous at Irregrilurly uh Irregilurly um IRREGULARLY PERIODIC RUMINATIONS (damn! hard to do while drinky drinky!) gave me a Kreativ Blogger Award and I have to assume it's due to my mispells and what-not. THANKS HEINOUS! You guys should go check out his blog because his church visits have me in stitches!

The rules are: List 6 things I love and then pass it on to 6 people.



Luckily, I love more than 6 things but I'll try not to be too effusive.

ONE!-
I love how my boss is arrogant enough to think we have it good working for him so we'd never look for another job. It's probably because the majority of the people who work here have been at the Asylum since Moses was looking for the exit sign in the desert. He assumes we are all doormats with the ability to absorb shit off his shoes as he walks on us. To him I say "Fuck you and the egg you rode on. Asshole!"

TWO!-

I love how I'm an old, one wrinkle, lady (I use the term loosely) and am breaking out like if I were a 15 year old on a binge diet of chocolate, fritos and french fries! I can deal with gray hairs and one wrinkle but pimples and zits?? Whoever invented this getting old thing can kiss Tazz's ass!

THREE!-

I love how the attorney I just spoke to found a new way to "caution" me by saying he was going to call the news channels so they may do a report on surgeons gauging their patients. Me? On TV? Really? Can you wait until I have my new hairdo? Maybe then I can tell the news people how the doc rebuilt the patient a-la the bionic man and isn't charging him a million dollars for it. I'm sure it would make sense to then bill $0 but he does have my exorbitant salary to pay so fuck you rat-bastard turd brain.

FOUR!-

I love how Diesel over at Humor-Blogs has deemed my blog PG due to "coarse language and mature themes". Dude! PG?? What the fuck does a bitch have to do to make her fuckin' blog rated NC-17 or at least R? You are messing with my rep. And mature themes? Which ones might those be? The ones where old people grab my boobs and flash me their whities? I won't stand for this shit I hope you know! I was already trying to spice up my blog to a higher rating so now I'll be even more determined!

FIVE!-

I love how I am constantly being bombarded by Obama's campaign.
DON'T GET ALL POLITCAL ON ME M'MKAY??
I'm not saying I'm for or against the guy since I deem that as none of your beezwax. I just don't like my TV time interrupted by a half hour 250 million dollar commercial. Especially considering we're still trying to put our lives back together after The Flood of 2008. Now, if they would have sent me personally a portion of those $250 million, I wouldn't be bitchin' and moanin'.

Am I saying you can buy my vote? If you were smart enough to crack that code, you deserve a scoop of cottage cheese.

What was I talking about? Oh right! It's nice to see we have our priorities straight.
SIX!-

I love how a simple statement at work will get me in trouble:
"Toto, I think you need to shut off the copier and wait 10 seconds for it to reset before you turn it back on" (after a paper jam) Milton then says "I believe it's 20 seconds" walks over, pulls out the manual, reads it for about 10 minutes and determines that yes indeedy! 20 seconds is the way to go! Good to know!

BONUS!-

I love how I never do things the way the rules indicate. I think it's part of my charm, don't you??

The six peeps I will pass it on too aaaaare...

jean knee for her kick ass Etsy store.

Tracy because she'll kick me to the bottom if I don't.

Brian because he never accept awards so I have to find the right one he'll accept.

AngieSS because she has a talent for banners and pictures.

VE because he is insane. No, really! He is! He'll deny it but don't be swayed by his very hot avatar!

Mike because he draws monkeys and the pink would go awesome with his decor. And also, he smells funny.

That's six, right?

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LAST BUT NOT LEAST!

I was Tag Teamed HERE by Chelle B. and Chat Blanc AKA Sandy.
Go read them talk about how awesome I am. It's all totally true you know.
(BTW, they posted a picture of my hairy unshaved leg in a pink rubber boot!)



Phew! I'm tired.

Here is something else you guys can help me with. On Saturday, day of the Lord November first, I will be chopping off my hair. It will be gone. GONE! Please vote on the style I should choose. It will go on the sidebar by the morning.


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