I boldly went where I've never gone before...

So, we went to see Star Trek on Sunday. Even though I’ve never ever seen a single episode of the original series or the previous movies (never! not even by accident where, say, I was strapped to a bed and the only channel with reception was running a Star Trek marathon and my eyes were held open by toothpicks and superglue, ever) I liked it!

Chris Pine is hawt even with his bushy brows or maybe I have a thing for bushy brows since my Andy has them too. I just thought about the bushy brow thing and I don’t want you to misunderstand me. There are certain wild bushy brows that I find acceptable and then there are those that are manicured bushy which ewww!

Anyway, Pine’s character is a funny smartass that, thank heavens, does not remind me of William Shatner’s acting. I guess some people thought William Shatner was a stud in his hey day but I’ve never seen the attraction.

Speaking of Andy's bushy brows, you would have thought being late for this movie would spell disaster for Earth and its inhabitants because he went on a rant where he almost forbade me to use the bathroom before we left. I had to put my foot down (on his face) and tell him that I was not going to hold it for hours just because he didn’t want to miss a single second of outer space. I think his fear was that there would be gobs of people standing in line. At 10:45 AM. On a Sunday. I had to reassure him that few people have less of a life than we do but then I remembered we were talking about Trekkies so I stand corrected. Kidding! Maybe.

I’m sure there were many inside jokes I missed but I didn’t feel like you needed to be wearing pointy ears to be able to follow the movie. Oh yeah and I especially liked the retro outfits the chicks um women wore.

We went to the movies after taking my mom to breakfast to celebrate the fact that I was the first one to make her a mother. She and I joke about it every year because I always expect her to give me a present and she always says “I gave you life” and I always respond that that trick is played out and now I want a pony/koala bear/Brad Pitt.

I further celebrated mami’s day by cooking dinner. For some reason she loves my veggie lasagna and as an added bonus, Maria, THE VEGETARIAN, was also able to dine on my fine cuisine on her first mother’s day ever because I didn’t use as much ground seal as the recipe calls for.

I also prepared a nice salad and some homemade garlic bread.

Nothing but the best for my momma!

I know I know, I’m a horrible daughter considering she is always cooking our favorite dishes and she does it from scratch.

I think she was a little disappointed that I didn’t invite the clan over to celebrate but frankly the husband and I have a budget we live on and our life got a little more complicated once my brother Rick, Maria and the baby moved in. Andy and I joke about the fact that we don’t have children and yet our food bill suggests otherwise. So, due to the new responsibilities and in order to avoid going to the poor house, our home is now officially closed for any future hosting events until further notice (Thanksgiving being the exception).

I’m hoping to make it up to her on her birthday by organizing dinner at a nice restaurant I hope it’s understood that everybody will pay for their own food because I don’t think Andy will be too thrilled with staying behind to help the busboys clean up. ;o)

P.S.

Mini rant regarding Costco. Andy and I bought some lemon blueberry and blueberry muffins. And we, AS A COUPLE, have this to ask:

WHAT THE FUCK??

Did we misunderstand the label? Did you mean "with a hint of blueberry"? Because we could not find a blueberry to save our lives! Well, Andy found one but then it fell and he cried out "No! Where the fuck are my blueberries??" Maybe we should have paid for them with a hint of money? Bastards.

P.P.S. to jean knee:

Don’t think I didn’t catch your question regarding my dogs and what they got me for mother’s day. I know you did it because of last year’s post. I forgive you because you are my friend but next year? I will make you wear my new shoes as punishment.

Yeah, you parents out there that think it’s hard talking to your kids about the birds and the bees? Try explaining prison love to your older, very sheltered, female boss. I dare ya’.

The following is the most bizarre conversation I have ever had with a boss that even beats the vampire one.

Glynda: Can I ask you something since you’re hip and happening [I AM NOT KIDDING. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID]

Bee: [in the middle of enjoying some taco dip] I am pretty groovy. Ask away.

Glynda: What does it mean when people say ‘I’m not your bitch’? Is it degrading to women?

Bee: BWAHAHAHAHA! Uh I mean erm. Well, I think it originated as a prison term referring to those men who were the ummm bottom part of a forced relationship… if you know what I mean.

Glynda: … [blank stare]

Bee: Well um [puts down her Tostito full of taco dip] [sweats] okay when a man and a woman lust each other very much they uh… but when there is no woman around and the man is confined to a building (or boat for you sailors out there) where only other men live and that man has certain needs… if the man is bigger IN STATURE than other men and he’s tougher and may have the nickname of Big MOFO Killing Machine he may then take on a, let’s call him SPECIAL FRIEND, whom he will use as his well erm GIRLFRIEND for the time of his stay. And his temporary GIRLFRIEND then cries at night because he really doesn’t want any part of this relationship but there is nothing he can do because his nickname is Little Willy White Collar Crime and Big MOFO Killing Machine will do what he wants anyway. In this scenario, Little Willy is the Prison Bitch so the term “I’m not your bitch” comes from that.

Glynda: [looking nauseous] Oh… dear. So when OZ and Tin-Man say it, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? That they’re…

Bee: Holy Moses NO! No! That’s not what I’m saying it just means they’re saying they are not there for someone else to take advantage of or abuse.

Glynda: [looks relieved] Okay. I get it. I thought they just meant women as their slaves. I think I liked it better that way.

Bee: Well, I’m sure Little Willy liked it better that way too.

Moral of this story? Don't do the crime If you're a sensitive asshole.

If you have a better moral, sock it to me.

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I dedicate this post to The Nemising One who died earlier this week. He was one crude rude dude but he was always funny. I know I said I'd post Andy's interview but this conversation with Glynda happened after I'd found out he'd died and I thought it was right up his alley.

When I first found out, I swear I thought it was a joke because he did have that type of morbid sense of humor. He wrote a goodbye post just in case his health failed him one day and instead a fuckin drunk driver got to him first.

I've always wondered what would happen if one day I just, out of the blue, stopped posting. It's an interesting idea to have a goodbye post ready just in case an unforeseen freak accident were to send me off to meet my maker. Would it matter? I know it mattered to me to know TNO was gone. I'm not trying to make this about me it's just that it was a bizarre experience to read somebody's good-bye.

My thoughts are with his family whom he loved and I'm reminded especially of this post where he took his daughter to see Twilight. The guy was a hilarious contradiction.

Rest in peace TNO.

What's in a name? And other remarkable things that happened today.

So... something big happened today! Did I say "big"? I meant huge, ginormous, momentous, uh hold on while I thesaurus it... grandiose! That's right ladies and gentlemen, today was not an average day for I, your faithful spewer of stuff, has become an aunt for the third time!!

Please welcome Sophia Inez! (Well, that was her name as of 7:00 pm anyway because my brother keeps changing his mind. I hope he doesn't go with his other choice because it was OPHELIA! The hell you say!):

I get the best of both worlds, my sister and brothers keep having babies and I can spoil them and still keep my girlish-stretchmarkless figure!

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Okay, I guess something else happened today that I should mention.

Years to come, kids will be reading in their history books about the first Black President and I for one feel a sense of pride that it happened in my lifetime. I've tried to keep my blog free of THE SERIOUS topics. You know, the Jonas Brothers, religion and especially politics but I have to say that I heard his address to the country and it did make me hopeful for our future. Not so much for my sake but for the sake of my nieces and all generations to come.

Our country needs something to aspire to and it's time to kick the old-school assholes out of government and replace them with people who are not living in the last century. I have hit the blogisphere today and have come across sites that are basically saying it will take more than one man to change the world but I think they're missing the point. It's not ONE man that needs to change the world, we need to work to change it together.

I know it may sound naive but I frankly don't give a shit. ... ... And now you know why I don't talk about politics.

Anyway, as I was watching the recording of the Inauguration, I came across a couple of interesting thing. First, what's with the cowboys?

That dude at the bottom right hand corner looks like Aaron Spelling. (He's dead so I'm pretty sure that's not him.)

And then when youngest daughter Obama stood behind the bulletproof glass:

Okay, I never said I was very mature!

While watching the Inauguration, I was also on the phone with my grandfather (who lives in Mexico) and we were discussing the events of the day (new baby and new president) when he started yelling "Close the door- close the door! It's gonna get out!!"

It seems a goat had gotten loose and decided to make its way to freedom. The freakin thing was terrorizing the store they have in the front part of his house! My grandfather has the greatest laugh I have ever heard and he was doing so when he said "These goats are getting more uppity! It was heading straight for the beer fridge!" then he said "don't worry, that's the one you'll be having for dinner when your mom gets home."

Mmmmm chivita! I know, I know, I'm such a barbarian.

Transcript- Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address

Obama inauguration: Words of history ... crafted by 27-year-old in Starbucks