I don't want to brag but today is my blogaversary. Okay, I do want to brag so what did you get me?

You know, for 2 years now, I have sat/stood/leaned/floated in front of some monitor or another typing up posts about occurrences in my home life and my experiences with the batty ladies of perpetual flatulence.

I’ve gone from 10 feed subscribers (3 of them being my work computer, home computer and Andy’s computer) to about 300 now (I say ““about”” because it sometimes goes to 303 and then sometimes to 325-55 but never under 300 I don’t know why that happens I just chalk it up to feedburner having the same weight issues I do)(uh not to imply I’m 300 pounds m’mkay?). I know there are others who have a lot more but I’m always thankful for those I have. After all, if they are not related to me, they are under no obligations to read about my many musical (musical because I know you picture my life to be a mix between Grease, The Sound of Music and Little Shop of Horrors and also because I burst into song to keep myself from gritting my teeth until they’re a fine dust) adventures.

I think I have come a long way from my first post where I bemoaned the fact that my shows ended for the season, LAME, and the many survey-like posts that have me answering questions to determine which comic book person I am, THE HULK in case you were wondering.

During those 2 years, I have struggled with certain issues I should or should not post about. Fights with Andy, disagreements with my family, Tazz being addicted to cleaning products, politics, religion, etc. Sometimes I think it would have been better to have kept the blog from my family so that I may speak freely and not censor myself on certain subjects but in the end it’s for the best that they know of my bloglife… right?

I have *met* awesome people. People who are hilarious, supportive and, for some reason, love mocking me. I have also come across people who take me too seriously and leave me ignorant comments because they believe they have the monopoly on self righteousness. Well you don’t assholes. Anyone who has an ass can talk out of it.

Recently, someone left an anonymous comment saying that the people I post about are not real and that I make everything up. Well, thank you. I consider that to be an immense compliment because if I have invented this world I live in, I must have a superior imagination than that of Stephen King himself.

I mean, to be able to come up with half this material on my own makes me a storytelling mastermind and all people should place offerings of nachos, mojitos, shoes and unicorn skin at my feet.

Bastards.

Blogging is a great hobby but it is a hard hobby. I have come across blogs that started strong but then the people grew tired, bored or even became too busy to continue (the may have a life where as I have you guys). Others take it way too seriously. Me, I keep it simple by just rambling on about me, my faaaaavorite subject, and if it’s not about me, it’s about people who affect my life. If someone does something to disturb my delicate ecosystem, you will hear about it.

This place is not about changing lives, educating anybody or talking about anything serious in nature. Well, I’m sure some of THE SERIOUS will occasionally leak in but it will be purely accidental. I have fun relaying the work and home shenanigans because I know that most of you have lived through office politics and have had insane spousal debates. That’s why people read blogs. They relate to this story or that one and if I had children, you’d probably relate to me leaving them at the store because I forgot a human had made its way out of my body. No? Okay then it’s a good thing I don’t have kids.

So anyway, here’s to Bee’s Musings completion of year number 2. May the material be fertile for another year? (<— the question mark is Word’s suggestion which I find mildly insulting) (and also, may the fertility stay on the blog and not stray anywhere more inconvenient and painful.)

SALUD!

Also celebrating today, because kids tend to always steal my thunder!!!, is the beautiful Isabella. She is now a year old and she’s come a long way from looking all blurry like she did in this picture.

She has started taking some steps on her own and her hand/eye coordination is outstanding as evidence by her always smacking me on my face with the force of a ball-peen hammer. Which makes me have doubts about my hand/eye coordination.

She is also a mini Tarzan who likes swinging off the bed and fearlessly standing on shopping cart seats. She is the complete opposite of the little lady Natalia has always been. Her ferocious little attitude makes me fear for her mother’s sanity. But then I get over it and take a nap because I can.

Feliz Cumpleaños chiquitita! ♥☺☼

The mysterious case of Michael Bublé (or as I like to call him Mr. Facial Expression Exaggerator Sinatra Wannabe)

So, like all good citizens of the world, I have an iPod. It was given to me by the generous and talented man I live with on one of my many birthdays. It is the iPod Nano with only about 1 or 2 gigglebiggles so it only holds about one thousand songs.

Unfortunately, fortunately for all musicians who take my money, my love of all kinds of music makes the selection of only 1,000 songs near impossible. I have to Sophie’s Choice my playlist “On a scale of 1-10, how much do I really like ‘Pump up the jam’?” (The answer: a hell of a lot more than is healthy!)

So imagine my surprise when I came across a whole Michael Bubblebutt album! Not one or maybe 2 songs that may have forcefully snuck in by knocking out my anti-overly-smooth-crooners safeguard. A whole album consisting of 13 songs! Thirteen Jerry!

 

So I went to the only other person who lives in my house and has access to my computer.

Bee:
Andy, did you upload Michael Bubblenut into my iPod.

Andy:
Michael who?

-Lengthy explanation followed-

Andy:
Come on! You have to remember buying that CD?

Bee:
uhhhh no. I would never buy that phony-baloney's CD! How dare you imply—

Andy:
I bet if you look around the house you will find that CD.

So I looked around the house and found the CD. That doesn’t really prove anything because I have many enemies willing to plant crazy shit in my house just so they could accuse me of having no taste in music. (and then while they’re here, they hide my left shoes)

I mean why? Why would I buy that CD? I’m pretty sure nobody gave it to me because I would have given it back inside a bag of dog poop.

I guess this is one of those Life’s Mysteries I’m always hearing about.

In other news.

I was at the office and decided to get some more coffee. As I was making my way to the kitchen, I noticed an elderly woman in a wheelchair sitting in an exam room waiting to be seen. She kept staring at me and her eyes were growing wider and wider the closer I got. When I was near her, she grabbed on to her companion (son maybe?) and screeched (yup, loud enough for all nearby eyes to be on me) “She’s a gypsy! She’s a gypsy! Never trust a gypsy!”

That’s nice. Old people (and babies) instinctively fear me. I think I'm going to put that on my resume.

So hello there! Did you miss me? I had a great time on my mini break, thanks for asking!

I know you’re probably dying to know what crazy high jinks we’ve got into but we had a pretty tame weekend so no juicy news for you!

Okay, I'll tell you about it anyway...

On Friday I continued with my landscaping and grub killing extravaganza. I am now the meanest, shortest, smelliest grub killer in the Midwest. Also, my sister took this picture of a bird taking a crap in my frog planter. To the bird I ask, "what the hell bird? the whole world is your toilet but you chose my freakin frog? asshat!"

Damn thing even turned away pretending to be embarrassed.

That reminds me of an old joke my uncle Curly used to tell me. He said that when he was out in rural farms delivering The Coca Cola and he needed to go, um, poopsie, he would go in a field, drop his pants and close his eyes. When I would ask why he closed his eyes he'd say "So anybody driving by wouldn't see me going poopsie" and when I would question that logic he would reply "if I can't see them, they can't see me!" Yeah, pretty much my whole family is weird.

On Saturday, at the BCD (butt crack of dawn), we went to the laundromat and I threw the mother of all tantrums because the machines were all being assholes! We then moved my momma and she is now officially on a separate floor which means all toys that belong to people under the age of 30 have been relocated and now my house doesn’t look like the McDonald’s play area.

On Sunday we took our one day vacation (because there is no budget this year for going anywhere exciting… sorry Wisconsin) and went to my in-laws’ campground where we all fell asleep in front of the TV and probably snored in unison.

On Monday I cleaned my house and rid it of all the construction dust that had accumulated because my logic was “what’s the point in cleaning today if it’ll look the same tomorrow” (you may recognize that logic if you have teens/preteens/husbands) from top to bottom then went to see Angels and Demons so that I may rest my old decrepit bones.

And now you’re jealous because my life is much more exciting than yours. What can I say? Not everybody can be this cool.

I enjoyed every last drop of this Holiday weekend and today was crashing about the office because I’d forgotten how to walk around walls. My only consolation is that we are already on Tuesday and it’ll be the weekend in no time. Hopefully.

I just heard it will rain until tomorrow night. I'm glad because we've obviously NOT had enough rain.

P.S.

To Brian and jean knee who thought something catastrophic had happened to me like pig flu or death, thanks guys! You always know how to brighten my day! Jerks.

P.P.S.

Does anybody watch Jon and Kate + 8? (For those of you who have lives and have no idea who they are, they are a young couple who over fertilized themselves and had 8 kids. They have been on TV for about 4 years or so.) I can’t explain why but I’ve become obsessed with the Jon and Kate Gosselin drama. Will they stay together? Will they get a divorce? They went from looking like they loved each other to hating each other in the blink of an eye. I really hope they pull it together because I’m running out of shows to watch.