I made my gym debut last Monday. Or re-debut because I used to be a regular a few years ago, pre-marriage. We joined a smaller, local gym because Bally (jerks) makes me want to travel back in time, find Mr. Bally Ballyetterson and remove his testicles. Yes, I know I could do that in the present but he might be on guard against disgruntled ex gym members.
Anyway, I got myself ready with my brand new Sketchers, 
We arrived at the gym, I have to admit to having butterflies in my tummy, and the chick that was going to sign me up was the Anti-Bally's Drone. So much so that I think she was trying to discourage me from joining!
ABD: Are you excited?
Me: Sure.
ABD: I hate it here.
Me and my sister look at each other like saying "huh? did you hear what I heard?"
ABD: I mean, I get up and I'm like 'oh! I have to go to the gym!'
Me: Well uh that... sucks?
ABD: Yeah. So anyway, [she goes into her spiel and takes my hard earned chocolate money] So, go ahead and start working out and I'll have your card ready by the time you're done.
We made our way to the treadmills- (What? I am not a wimp! I haven't worked out in almost a decade! Baby steps!) we pulled out our iPhones and you won't believe me when I tell you but they have a TV on each treadmill! I know, right? That's like straight out of Gattica! I remember back years ago when we could get limited Internet on a stationary bike but you had to pedal like a damn fool to keep it going! Even though I was leaner and meaner back then, it still took a lot of human power to keep the Internet up long enough for a full picture of "Brad Pitt in his birthday suit" to finish loading! The treadmills also have a thingy where you can plug in your ipod/iphone directly to the treadmill(!). So I did and it asked me if I wanted to save my exercise to my phone. This age we live in? Pretty Jettsonesque. I said 'no' because I don't need my phone judging me too and then I began my climb into the Himalayan mountains.
I'm proud to say I walked almost 2 kilometers in 30 minutes. I'm not really sure what 2km translates to here in the states but I'm gonna go with 50 miles.
That sounds about right!
When we finished, we sanitized the machines and made our way to the front desk where I saw many inspirational thought bubbles of people expressing why they exercise. My favorite one was "I do it so I'm ready for the Zombie Apocalypse" then our emo hostess caught our eye and waved my newly laminated card that gives me access to self torture at me. The first thing she asked me?
"Are you ready to quit yet?"
I think I'm gonna like this new gym.
