Well shiver me timbers and blow me down! (That Popeye was such a perv!)

Sometimes things happen that make you wonder how you'll be able to find an ounce of humor in that specific situation.

You sit at your desk and you cock your head to the side thinking “well, maybe this is one of those ‘life lessons everyone is always blathering on about” then you shift in your chair because the slight unevenness of the floor is making you lopsided and you really need to brood over the recent events. Being distracted by one butt cheek being higher than the other is unacceptable.

After you adjust your sitting position and have a sip of your water, which is now lukewarm because you were too distracted to drink it before, you go back to wondering about life’s injustices.

“Maybe I did something horrible and Karma wanted me to repent for my behavior towards my fellow men/women?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have added those few drops of dish washing soap in the office toilet bowl just to see what fun would ensue?” (All I have to say is BWAHAHAHAHA!!!)

“Maybe I should take Milton seriously when she tells me she tip-toes throw muddy spots when she’s walking to work so as not to create back-splash that will ruin her pants, you know, instead of laughing my ass off?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have sent a picture of someone I know to my friends and family saying ‘If Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite and Napoleon’s uncle had a baby he would look just like this guy!’?”

“Maybe I should have let my Andy have that last slice of pizza?”

As these things are forming tiny thought bubbles over your head, you realize you have to shift again because the chair has rolled ever so slightly to the divot on the left.

You sadly re-examine your life and wonder if it is finally time for you to change your ways. Yep. Karma is telling you that you must look within/into/onto/over yourself because your evil ways will no longer be tolerated and you will suffer all sorts of repercussions for your actions!

After all, what other rational explanation could there be for your mom having an iPhone before you do?

(That contraption is a tortilla maker because my mom rocks!)

And to top it off, you call your spouse and give him the opportunity to be a part of your one person pity party and instead he... or SHE asks how much money you have saved from your allowance to buy your own and when you say $60 they laugh in your ear and suggest you look into toe waxing as a part time job then bites your head off because you’re bothering him eh or HER at work. Granted you’ve done the same to him-her but it’s cute when you do it. His refusal to provide at least an ounce of sympathy has you planning how to best hurt him er, you know, HER when they get home. Then you stop your thoughts in their tracks because you realize this is how your bad karma begins! So really it’s not your fault because there is obviously no way you can control people provoking you into being bad.

Damn you karma and your tunnel vision!!

... ... What were we talking about?

Anyway, here are a couple of pictures of my hair. The pictures do not do the color justice.

Please excuse my puffy face. It was early in the morning, salt, water retention, hangover, you know.

The color this time around is more burgundy than red which is awesome!

It started as a happy post but somewhere down the line it turned somber.

My mom arrives today after a long long long long absence.

When I talked to her yesterday, she gave me a list of DEMANDS things she wanted prepared for her when she got home. She said she would be tired so cooking was out of the question and I was all "but maaaaaaaa!!" what could I do? She just had surgery and her traveling started at 5:30 am with transfers and layovers all over the world. I can't believe that in this day and age we can't have a plane fly directly from Chicago to the airport near my grandparents' house!

Anyway, her flight arrives at 6:40 pm and she said she wanted a Portillo's cheeseburger for dinner, the temperature in the upstairs to be at 68°, she didn't want any visitors until Saturday and could I please put a Vanilla Coke in the freezer about 10 minutes before she got home?

Sure sure. All these things and more I would do for her. Andy and I even stayed up late last night to clean my house so we wouldn't get yelled at for the mess we lived in since she left in early November.

It's funny because Andy and I were giddy with delight and practically dancing while we did our chores as if we were auditioning for the next animated Disney movie entitled "Cinderella escaped but cleaning is FUN!". (well, I was grouchy and yelly because I hate cleaning but under the bitchy exterior I was giddy). The goat meat she brings every time she comes home will have to wait until tomorrow but tonight, tonight I shall have nice dreams since my world will be back to normal!

By the way, I now this post is cheesfest galore but I just can never stop talking about how much my mother means to me. She sometimes wants to go back to work but I couldn't even imagine some asshole being mean to my mother. Even if it was her boss.

I remember when she still worked in a factory and they treated her no better than a piece of shit stuck on a shoe. I'm glad we can provide for her and not have her out in the work world where people think less of her. She's had enough of that in her lifetime.

No need to comment, this was just for me.