Rats, Grill Queen, Nemo

So…
I decided to take a mental day yesterday. (No, It didn't help, I'm still crazy)
Now I must give you a brief run down of my weekend because, well, I want to… :op

This will be a long post so I give you permission to read a little at a time, you won’t hurt my feelings if you read it take a nap and come back. I won’t think I’m boring you…

Saturday:
I got up reasonably early. Went downstairs to my Mom’s for coffee and breakfast (bagels thanks to Rock Star Husband Andy making an early morning trip to Panera Bread), I was kinda crabby since morning is not my best time (followed closely by afternoon and evening).
As I’m sitting in my Mom’s kitchen, groggy, waiting for my liquid energy to cool down a bit thinking about our place in the cosmos (right!) I finally took a gulp of my coffee (that’s the only way you can describe my coffee drinking, no sips for me!) my mom chooses that moment to ask this question:

‘Do rats have bones?’

Let’s pause there for a moment so that I can tell you what happened to me once she let go of that little fire cracker.

I just about spit out my coffee but I forced my lips to remain shut, it almost came out of my nose but I managed to control myself. Now I’m sitting there with now cold liquid in my mouth but it seems my brain has forgotten the command for swallow.

Un-pause

‘Your brother Rick was writing a story and in the story somebody steps on a rat and he describes how you could hear the bones crunching but I told him I didn’t think rats had bones because they fit in little holes.’ (as you can see, the one who made me is also a rambler)

When my brain finally pulled it’s cells together and sent an order to swallow.

I said: ‘Yeah they have bones. Remember when we were walking down the alley when I was 15 and we saw a rat skeleton?’ (Chicago, my kinda town)

Mom: ‘Oh yeah! Make sure you tell Rick because he might have changed his story just on my say so!’
Weird… If you would have told me what the first topic of conversation my mom and I would have over breakfast on a Saturday would have been about rats, I would have walked away from you muttering under my breath about how they let anybody walk around without straight jackets.
That was the highlight of Saturday for me. Oh, I also did some gardening.

Sunday:
The whole family went to Warren Dunes in Michigan. Tons of fun under the sun! Except I did mange to sunburn my face! Since I was wearing my Supergirl baseball hat and Jackie-O sunglasses I now look like a character from Star Wars (I don’t care which one you imagine as long as it’s not Jabba the Hut). My face is burned from my nose to the bottom half of my cheekies to my chin which isn’t even red, it's purple! Yes, I had sunscreen on but to sunscreen I say ‘You are useless and oily and I never want to smear you again!’

I was labeled the Grill Queen by brother Sergio although I think he meant it more as a joke but tough nutty bars! I’m taking the title and running. Whoever wants to take it from me must provide delicious food which I will then judge. Who’s up for the challenge? Esmeralda??? I will have to sacrifice myself into multiple taste testings!

By the way did I tell you guys that half way to our meeting place I realized I forgot the steak? No? Well of course that didn’t happen! I am on top of everything and lapses like those are unacceptable! (Kudos to Andy who didn’t get mad at me when we had to turn around and get the meat, I thought he was going to shove me out of the car and let oncoming traffic make me into road kill).

Monday:
Since I didn’t go to work I consider it part of my weekend.

Breakfast with my mamma jamma again, no weird talk about rats. Well maybe a little, we were talking about the trip to the Dunes and planning our next time there. She suggested I walk around in body armour and carry a ginourmous umbrella so that I don’t wind up looking like a poor, as in no money for good make up, clown. (thanks mom!)
Then Niece Natalia talked me into watching Finding Nemo again (she really got a good grip and twisted my arm into watching it.) In the middle of the movie, after many potty breaks, the movie started going all patchy! My beloved, I MEAN NATALIA’S, Nemo movie is now scratched! If Natalia’s mom is reading this, we need a new movie.

In the evening Andy and I once again battled for control of the temperature of the house. I like a nice tepid comfortable environment. He likes it freezing hands, boogies dripping down your nose, frost bite on your toes, skin splitting, cold. I never seem to win these battles because he always says it’s for the good of his fish…! So tomorrow I’m looking for jobs where they hire fish because if they get special treatment from the husband over his devoted, agrees with him on every subject, never yells, beautiful wife, they must pull their own weight!

Okay I'm done! Now I have to get to work. This week will be nicknamed "Hell Week" as in, I'm in it! I am also the designated Kitchen Marm so if you have any suggestions on treats I can bring I would really appreciate it!
Later Gators!

Nurses out there...

Yesterday we went to visit a loved one at the hospital.
I had to wait for my anger to subside before I could write about it.

They made plans to move our loved one to a nursing home on Friday evening. We knew this was going to be a sad time for her and her daughter so we decided to go and provide a little moral support. As you can imagine both were visibly upset. This will be the first time in 50 years that they will not be living together...

There is some sort of medication they are giving her intravenously. When we got there it was beeping and when I asked her daughter why it was doing that she said it could be because the medicine was low or maybe she had pulled it out accidentally. The beeping is supposed to alert the medical staff and someone is supposed to come check on it to make sure everything is okay.

We were there for 15 minutes and no one came. I asked her daughter to push the nurses call button which she did.

From where I was sitting I had a clear view of the nurses station. When the call went off i saw the nurse assigned to my friend's room (we will call her NURSE FUCKIN' FAT ASS BITCH, I know, she was blessed with a really long name so we will just refer to her as NFFAB) sigh heavily and sent an aid to turn it off.

The aid came in, shut off the thing, and said NFFAB told her to shut it off. So I asked, I swear to you on my favorite pair of shoes that I was very nice, 'Is she going to come check on it soon?' see I don't know anything about this stuff so I don't know if this is vital or what. The nice aid said she wasn't sure and she went and asked NFFAB.

NFFAB turned and gave me this look that cannot even be described as anger she looked at me with hate. Now, had she known me I would've understood that look. Hell I get it at least once a day and twice on Mondays. But she didn't know me so where had that come from? We stared at each other for like 1 minute (try it, it's along time) my instinct was to get up and smash her head into her computer or at the very least laugh at her tight red pants but what would that accomplish? She slowly turned her head to look away.

It took everything in me to remind myself why I was there. I took a few deep breaths looked around to see if anybody else was being bothered by the pounding in my ears. Nope everybody else was talking about my niece's shoes (she is a junior shoe-aholic in training). My blood pressure slowly went back to normal because I had made a decision.

I waited 15 minutes then excused myself to go to the bathroom.
I went instead to the nurse and asked her if she had been trying to tell me something with the horrible look she sent my way. She acted stupid (actually she is STUPID!) so I gave her memory a quick kick in the ass and then she said 'there's no point in replacing the meds since she's leaving in 30 minutes' (ATTITUDE ATTITUDE ATTITUDE) I told her I understood that but why not just tell us that instead of being so incredibly rude. By this time the nurse manager lady came and I explained the situation NFFAB was so pissed off you could tell she wished we were in a wrestling ring (and to that I say, 'TAKE A NUMBER BITCH!'). The nice manager apologized for the "miscommunication" but I of course had to get on my soap box for just a minute.
I let her know that it worried me because people in the hospital can't always defend themselves so if this happened to me who is healthy (hopefully) what is the guarantee that this is not happening to people who can't do anything about it? The nurse manager apologized again and I went back to my friend's room.

I casually asked my friend if NFFAB (I didn't want to let them know of our show down they have enough to worry about) had mistreated her, her response is what almost made me cry.
She shrugged her shoulders and said 'I don't expect much.'

WHAT IN HOLY HELL????!!!!!

Why is she so disillusioned? Why shouldn't she expect the best treatment?

Few are the times I feel this sense if impotence!

I know nursing is a hard thankless job. I know some nurses are jaded and tired. But you know what? How would they feel if someone was treating their loved ones this way?
Would they look the other way excusing this behaviour by saying that's just the way it is?

Nurses out there...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE KIND! PLEASE BE COMPASSIONATE!
Again I want to say I cannot imagine 1 day in your shoes. I know my job is heaven in comparison, but there must have been a reason you decided to become a nurse. Was it to help people? If the answer to that is yes, then please keep that thought in your heart.
Please remember these people are loved by somebody.


On a funny(?) note.
Her oncologist came in and he was Austin Powers' twin except he had really blond hair. He reprimanded the NFFAB because when she removed a needle or something (not sure what it was cuz blood makes me queasy so I looked away) she did not put pressure on it so that the bleeding would stop.
He said: 'Do you realize you're treating a person that has XYZ? You should know to put pressure for at least 5 minutes and not just walk away!' (Yeah baby!) [Austin Power voice]
He also was extremely funny and kept calling my 71 year friend babydoll! :o)
Thanks doc you made her smile!

Things you might not need to know

First, let me ask you to e-mail me if there are still problems with this blog. We (me with the help of the blogging Gods) think we figured it out but just in case it's still not good...

beesmusings@gmail.com.

On with the show!

So...

I told my sister yesterday that I would not be posting today because I had tons of work to do since I was leaving early to visit a loved one at the Hospital. Her response was to go almost postal on my assssparagus. Funny cuz she is the one that complained about the Cricket picture I posted yesterday!

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Here you go Nancy Banananananas (I never know when to stop)

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1- I just learned how to spell Wednesday about 8 years ago. So for 34 minus 8 years (you do the math, I don't have a calculator and yes I was writing when I was 0 years old) I was spelling it Wednsday. Yup believe it cuz it's true!

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2- A patient came in with her little boy about 5. He was sitting quietly outside of the X-Ray room while they radiated his mommy and he was behaving very well. I happened to walk by him when suddenly he grabbed my arm and said he had to go "pee-pee"... For those of you who know me and those of you who don't will now know. I am not very good with kids. I freak out when I have to address them because I cannot figure out how to talk to them. I don't know why and I know it's weird but there you have it. I freeze. So... I ran to get Glynda as this was now top priority in my book and got her to take him to the potty! I'm afraid I might have unintentionally scared the poor little boy :o(

(Sorry Moms out there, I guess I won't be babysitting any time soon!)

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3- My mom was really upset yesterday and said she had to tell us something really sad. My sis and I were like what? what?! She said she had gone to Carson's (like Macy's) and the cashier had asked her if she was 55. My mom said yes and the lady told her that their senior discounts start at 55 so my mom got a 20% discount. Even though she was happy she got a discount, she was sad they called her a senior. You know what? I agree 55 is nowhere near seniorability! I mean I will be 55 in... Holy Green Beans Batman! I'm gonna be 35 this year!!!!!! Now I'm sad too.

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4-I was at lunch with CL and Glynda and I discovered a new pet peeve (I know, it's probably easier to list the things that don't annoy me...) so... where was I? Does that annoy you? When I ramble? Any-who! I hate it when people talk really slow and nod their heads as they talk! Why do they do that? Do they think they can hypnotize us into believe their crazy shit? (If you are a slow-talker-head-nodder of course I don't mean you... [me mouthing 'yes I do'])

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5- I have a stalker. This bird waits for me to go to work and is there when I come home. I personally believe it's the reincarnation of Elvis and at any moment he will start singing "Hunk of Burning Love" and we'll both start dancing in the bird bath! Don't kill my dream, it can happen... (Elvis if you're still alive CALL ME!). Oo Oo Oo I feel my temprature rising!

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6- Why is it that when I take off my sandals one ends up right by my feet and the other one ends up in Kentucky (another state in the U.S.)? Does it try to make a run for it? Does it see it's opportunity to look for it's... wait for it... SOUL MATE?! Do shoes get divorced? Am I just trying to waste your time by writing nonsense? The answers are at the bottom (I originally typed "bootom" but the spell check caught it. From now on I will say "bootom")

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Last but not least...

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7- Remember Forrest Gump and his momma? Remember one of their most favored sayings about chocolates/life theory? Well I have one too.

khhhhmmm! [clearing my throat to impersonate Forrest]

Life is like a box of condoms, no matter what flavor you get, your life still SUX!

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And on that note, have a great weekend everyone!

Answers to questions on number 7:

Don't know. Probably, your feet smell. That was brilliant! (not answer but it had to be said). Sure, they probably feel like dirt sometimes. If you're still here... YES!