Bee's Musings: deathbell

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Showing posts with label deathbell. Show all posts

Showing posts with label deathbell. Show all posts

Monday, December 14, 2009

You know how sometimes you want to do something because you think "how bad can it be?" and then your brain tries to talk you out of it by reminding you of that one time you shoplifted and your mom spanked you so hard the brand name of her shoe is still stenciled to your ass? Yeah, it's like that!

I am an intelligent person. I swear I am. But sometimes oh my lord can I make stupid decisions! It all started a week ago when I was ...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Once upon a time there was a family of ugly globs living in my lungs...

It all started on Friday THE THIRTEENTH ooh spoooooky! I came down with some bug. Last year I was rarely sick but it seems this year ...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

How does a girl spend her 37th birthday? Glad you asked!

I woke up bleary eyed and stumbling, as per usual, and received my birthday hug from my Andy along with a beautiful card full of words of lo...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Ahhhh 37! I liked you better when you were 10 years younger!

♪♫ Today is my birthday! thun thun thun thun thun!! I still have to go to work! Bhun nunanunun!! I had to buy my own cake to bring to th...

Monday, September 14, 2009

Aliens, Julia Childs, Nemo*! Movies that are polar opposites!

**This post is brought to you from under my blankies while I'm valiantly fighting off what I'm hoping isn't the flu but it feels...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

My reign of terror at the Laundromat? It comes to an end!! (Shoots off confetti at the audience!)(Hopes nobody gets it in the eye)(except maybe YOU right there!)

This past Saturday morning, Andy and I woke up extremely early SIX-THIRTY! He got up and put on his big boy pants so he may take the dogs ou...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Brian’s fear of spiders is justified plus stuffing my drawers.

So, did you miss me? Maybe you didn’t even notice I was gone? N iiii ce thanks a lot people! Anyway, more on my vacation later. Andy hol...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Out of context

“I think I just parked over a chicken bone” “ Bee: I can smell through my mouth. Andy: YOU should donate your body to science! ” ...

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

This weekend, I learned my family thinks I'm mentally incapable of doing things on my own and also, nuns can seem to sense the evil in me. Nuns and babies.

Last Friday I went to the same stylist who gave me the red highlights last year and had him do them again. This time I went alone since Cra...

Monday, May 18, 2009

Yesterday, while gardening, I realized it was hard to be the creator.

I was digging up patches of grass yesterday and as I was pulling it up piece by piece, I found out why it had begun to brown. Our side yard ...

Monday, March 30, 2009

My vacation attire would get me banned from all 5 star, 4 star, 3 star, 2 star resorts.

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Thursday, January 8, 2009

You know that question parents ask their kids "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" How many of you said yes? I jumped off a high mountain, does that count?

So the other day I went to say 'hi' to NCS on her blog and she was all bragging about her skiing abilities . I misquote "I'...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

What? An intruder in my house on Christmas Eve? Don’t make me go all holiday ninja on your sorry ass!

So… As some of you may know, my momma is in Mexico at the moment and will not be returning until I’m 107. This means that I’m all...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Reincarnation. I'd like to come back as Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Terminator. Only less racist. And with an easier spelling name. And taller. Maybe I want to be Hulk Hogan? With a full head of hair. And no beard. Do titles really matter anymore?

Okay, so it's been a long time since I had a nice long rant. I feel I've been neglecting my soul in not regularly purging the venom ...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

If you are walking down a dark alley and see a short woman running at you in high heels, step aside or she'll knock you over to get to her victim. Or she might be a hooker and if that's the case it's not me so no worries.

You know how sometimes you wish you could tell your boss to go give a rusty tailpipe a good suck ?? The reason you don't do it is usu...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The official "Day after my birthday" post.

So, back when I was a wee little Bee, I used to hate the fact that my birthday landed on Veteran's Day. No offense to the Veterans but I...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I'll be back tomorrow with a proper day after post but...

I just wanted to thank everybody for the birthday wishes and also all the new people that stopped by and called me old without even knowing ...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My "Andy the Electrician" trumps your "Joe the Plumber"!

Okay. What the fuck?? Joe the plumber gets pulled over for going 15 miles over the speed limit and they let him go because he is JOE THE PL...

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