Wednesday, December 14, 2011

We interrupt this silence to bring you an URGENT RANT!

So things here at the Beehive haven’t gone as smoothly as I was promised in the fairy tales. It seems every time Andy and I are about to bathe in the light at the end of the tunnel, a giant boulder blocks our exit and we are left in the rat infested tunnel with only our iPhone lights to illuminate the graffiti on the walls. But whatever. He and I have gotten through a million other tough times so I’m sure we’ll manage again. Eventually.

Anyway, since things have been crap, we do little “cheer me ups” to make things a little more bearable. Now, if you’re thinking we light up a joint and just chill, you’d be wrong because it is illegal. We are also not boozers so taking shots of tequila is out of the question. No, what we do is we bake cookies or pick up a pizza or go to my very favorite hot dog/hamburger joint, Portillo’s. Don’t worry, we are aware that one day we may be a couple of walking talking heart attacks waiting to happen but that’s a worry for another day.

On this “cheer me up” day, we decided to pick up Portillo’s. Since I work about 3 minutes from one, it was decided that I would go right after work so that when my Andy came home, I would be waiting for him with a hot meal and his slippers. Because I’m an awesome wife.

I went into Portillo’s and was pleasantly surprised to see there wasn’t anybody in front of me in line. Yay! I placed my order, 2 bacon cheeseburgers with everything (including grilled onions and pickles), 2 hot dogs with everything, an order of chicken strips, 4 small fries and a side of cheese. It wasn’t just Andy and I eating, m’mkay? I got my number and went to stand in the pick up section. So far so good.

The restaurant started getting a little busy but no worries cuz I beat those suckers in placing my order. 15 minutes later, they called my number, I picked up my bag and went happily on my way. When I got home I took Mocha and Tazz outside for their potty breaks and then came back inside to unpack the muy deliciosa meal.

I took out the chicken fingers, I took out the burger and wait. One burger? I ordered two, didn’t I? I looked at my receipt and I was definitely charged for two. Okay so I check another bag and I see the 2 hot dogs. Hmmmm maybe it’s in with the fries? Nope. I am missing one of the burgers. The place wasn’t as busy as it can get and they had about 10 people working the cook aisle and yet they forgot to give me a burger? Really?

I’m sure most of you have had this happen to you. You go to a fast food place to pick something up only to find when you get home they forgot something. I’m sure it’s not something you’ve lost your shit over but things in my life are a little bit out of my control right now so, for me, this was some sort of camel-back-breaking thing.

I called Portillo’s and had to explain what happened to the person who answered the phone and then again to a manager. Having worked in fast food for 9 years, I know the drill. “Would you like to come pick it up?” My answer was no. How does that help my situation? I picked up the food after work because the 2 streets I would have to take to get to Portillo’s from my house are a fucking nightmare, trafficwise, at that time. His next solution was to give me credit for next time. Yeah? Awfully kind of you! But! How does that help my situation? There is still going to be one person without food, right now! So option 3 was for him to send me a gift card with the amount of my burger by mail that would get to me in 7-10 business days. Well, that sounds like a fucking plan. Are you hungry right now, babe? Do you think maybe you can hold it for 7-10 business days? That would make sense if I were going to be planning a meal in the future and oh wait! For all of these “options” I still have to get my ass in my car and drive to a place I had already gone to, to pick up something that should have already been fucking digested!

The way I see it, when fast food places fuck up your order, they should say to you “Dear beloved customer, we will be sending MarioAndretti (that is the only fast car driver I know) to bring your food to you because we know we fucked up and that is really the only solution that would make things right” Giving me a credit or a voucher does nothing for me. I have a good mind to call the cops and let them know they stole my 5 bucks because they certainly would do the same to me if I walked out without paying for a burger!

Right about now, most of you are probably thinking “Oh lord she lost it!” here is some news for you, I “lost it” a long loooong time ago. This right here is just what goes on in my head everyday of my life only this time I was pissed off enough to write it down.

There are a bunch of bad things hovering over our heads right now so in the grand scheme of things, being minus one burger won’t bring down my world but I thought it would be a good idea to focus on something that I could rant about without getting into any trouble and also sending a big SCREW YOU to Portillo’s. 

On the silver lining part of this whole situation, I will probably be boycotting them for the next couple of years (not that they’d care because I’m only one person and they are big popular company) so I’m sure my arteries will be happy.

Andy was offered his pick of food because we love him and would hate for him to go hungry. He chose a hot dog and fries and while he wasn't entirely happy, he did get a "big hug" voucher he can use at a later time. Because I’m an awesome wife.