Sunday, March 22, 2009

A story in which we mourn a crocodile, a cat and my father-in-laws pride. Just kidding Pop R.

So obviously there's no comic strip today. My Andy has been really busy this week. Yes, he was on a forced vacation and had a WHOLE WEEK he could have worked on it but he had to do other things like golf and go eat crocodile sausage. I know, I know. I'm disappointed too. Even more so because he's been burping up that croc sausage the past few days. Well, I must admit he was also working on my mom's floor but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, the guys (and my father-in-law) came over Saturday to put up drywall so it's beginning to look like her place again.


now walllllllls

You can't see my hand anymore woohoo!

For this momentous project we rented a ginormous dumpster. Taking advantage of having a huge receptacle for things that no longer belong in my house, I told Andy to get rid of the hundreds of empty boxes he's kept just in case his Xbox/Rock Band/Guitar Hero/TV/Printer/ETC break. Because he didn't want me to nag and wanted to get to his croc sausage eating, he threw out all the boxes.

Saturday morning, I was walking my mother-in-law to her car after she dropped off my father-in-law when I noticed the Rock Band box sitting on my neighbor Boomhauer's driveway.


I told my mother-in-law that I thought it was weird and she said it might have flown out of the dumpster and since I didn't want Boomhauer to think we were litter bugs, I went to pick it up so I may return it to its new home. I innocently lifted one of the flaps and immediately jumped 10 feet in the air and shrieked like an 11 year old girl! Why? BECAUSE THERE WAS A DEAD CAT IN IT!

Okay calm down. I'm okay now but holy Moses! Way to wake the hell up on a Saturday morn! I immediately went to Andy, the croc sausage eater, and told him to open the box and confirm there was something dead in there and it wasn't my imagination. He wouldn't do it of course even after his mom and I taunted him about how I, A GIRL, saw it and survived but he didn't care. He later found out Boomhauer's wife had seen a cat lying in the street so she asked him to pick up the poor cat. He went into the dumpster grabbed the Rock Band box, scooped it up (I'm sure he also said a prayer or maybe cursed his wife) and then left it on his driveway for next Halloween. He says he didn't know what to do with it but I think it may have served its purpose. TO KEEP ME OFF HIS DRIVEWAY.

Also, I saw a mouse scampering about on the outside walls of my house. Again, I yelled for my Andy, not in fear okay? I know I just told you I shrieked like a little girl when I opened the box but that's because it was unexpected. Mice don't scare me because I eat spiders. So my father-in-law and Andy come out to investigate and there is the poor cute little mouse looking at us with its big eyes and I say "Kill it!" and Andy walks away. See, I think he thought it looked too much like Mocha, his favorite, so he couldn't do it. My father-in-law on the other hand tried slamming a brick on it but it scampered near the roof so he went and got a big board from the dumpster (it seems the dumpster is serving as a place to get coffins and weapons) and tried to squish it but the damn thing flew! I'm not kidding! It flew at him and then landed on the ground where my father-in-law proceeded to look like a Tom and Jerry cartoon in trying to kill it. He stabbed at the ground with the board and tripped and then stabbed at the firewood but the rat bastard got away and went back into Wilson's yard also known as HIS DUMPSTER.

I know what you're thinking, all the exciting shit happens to me.

What's in the box scene from Seven done with puppets. hilarious.


  1. FIRST!!!

    I've been meaning to throw away the box that my laptop came in, but now I'll keep it. Just in case I have to deal with any dead cats.

  2. I can't believe they left the box there. Hell.. I would have at least thrown it back in the dumpster.

    I'm a packrat myself, I have so many boxes for crap we don't even have anymore

  3. The cat needs to be buried, I bet you that crazy flying mouse caused its death.

  4. Sounds to me like there is a connection between that cat and mouse. That super mouse may have committed homicide. You'd better be careful there. Keep yourself protected Bee!

    LOL :)

  5. Um....don't you guys have Animal Control Services? I'm sure your neighbors are on the phone to them now....

    Poor wittle mouse. Just let it be, Bee!

    Crocodile sausage? I feel the need for a purple pill.


  6. I was so cheering for that bass turd Kevin Spacey to get his stinking blue bass turd head blown off.

  7. Cupcake is still in the freezer so I can't really condemn the hillbilly for the cat thing

  8. we ate alligator fingers at Buzzard Billy's last night

    I hate that place

    no one burped it up though, I want my money back

  9. I hope your drywall isn't from China. They're having a heck of a time with it lately...

    I adore your posts, btw. Read them religiously!

  10. That is the creepiest blue little doll I've ever seen.

  11. I shudder to think what I would have done if I had seen the cat.

    That's messed up Bee. Messed...up.
    (I love it when he kills him, but still, poor David)

    R.I.P. Rock Band box cat
    R.I.P. Space bat

  13. That dead cat is actually part of the new special edition version of RockBand. "Buy RockBand SE, Get Free Dead Cat."

  14. Seriously, did your neighbor have any other plans for the cat coffin besides leaving it in his driveway? I find that a bit creepy. Now I just hope that Andy's guitar hero thingy doesn't break and he has to go and retrieve his box from the neighbors driveway.
    He might have a hard time fitting all of the stuff in it, what with the dead body in the box already and all.
    I would have screamed like a girl and run away, never to be seen again.

  15. Oh this was really funny and made up for the lack of a comic this week.


  16. Oh this totally reminds me of Peter when we moved from our last house to this one. I opened up the spare bedroom closet while we were packing and found that it was stuffed with styrofoam. You know...the stuff that pads electronic equipment.

    I got so mad and made him take it to the dump right then. He was saving it in case we need it, yet in two years time I've never heard myself say "I wish I had that piece of styrofoam that came in the TV box."

  17. That mouse is probably doing jigs around the outside of your house now because he (or she, I suppose) knows that there's a dead cat in the Rock Band box.

  18. When we were house-hunting, I said we needed an extra bedroom for all my husband's boxes.

    I didn't know they were for dead bodies. I now fear for my life. If he ever decides to do away with me, he has plenty of places to hide the body!

  19. I didn't know that made a "Rock Band: Stray Cats Edition." I love their music. And it actually comes with a stray cat - even better!

  20. I want to know about this croc sausage. Is it really crocodile or is it your code word for something else. I have eaten fried alligator but never any croc.

  21. Dead cats? Classy. But now you have drywall? OK.

    Croc sausage? Really?

  22. Reminds me of the idiot who left a big box on the side of the road after Hurricane Ike that said "Dead Dog." Ugh.

    Seven disturbed me for weeks ... this version is much easier to watch. Although I still find Kevin Spacey creepy as a puppet.

  23. Brian & Dizzblind:
    Why do people like keeping the boxes? I keep my shoe boxes but that's because that's where I store my shoes.

    I think you're right and it came back to make sure it was really dead.

    I've got my trusty Tazz to defend me! :o)

    I think we do I'm not sure why Boomhauer wouldn't have called them. Andy has been protesting me calling him the Croc Sausage eater... ;o)

    jean knee:
    Yeah it was freaky.

    jean knee's twin:
    You should cook cupcake up. See what it tastes like.

    jean knee's evil mutant twisted sister:
    Maybe only crocs make you burp.

    Thanks for that link! We went and checked and luckily our wasn't made in China. Not all the walls are so we would definitely have returned those murderous sheets.

    And also, THANKS! :o)

    I agree. ::shiver::

    It gave me the willies... and not in a good way.

    I agree NCS ::shakes head sadly::

    You can have ours. I'll ship it over.

    I have no idea what Boomhauer was going to do. I know he was already drinking a beer at 9am though.

    Thank you. :o)

    Men! I can't wait to hear/read what you'll discover on this move.

    Ha! I hope it is doing a jig and then I can sell it to a circus... if I ever catch it that is.

    Don't worry, I'll tell the cops to look there first.

    Now it's killing me because I can't remember that stray cat song that goes like this tatatata rarara ra raaaaaaa
    Thanks! >:o[

    It was crocodile for reals. Ick. HE said it was good and maybe one day he'll take me for some but I told him I'd rather have my tongue removed by wild goats.

    Croc sausage for real reals. Yuck.

    Yeah I feel the same way about Seven. I liked it but I did think the whole movie was creepy.

  24. Why would you leave it in the driveway? Why wouldn't you put it back in the dumpster? That's just...weird.

    BTW, Loved the image of your FIL doing Tom & Jerry antics :-D

    Great giggles!


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